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How to move past a bad childhood?

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Posted 8/28/2008 12:59 PM (GMT 0)
Well to start my name is Adam. I’m 19 and all through my childhood there were alot of dramitic things that happened, well at least to me. Well to start my parents devorced before I was 1. So I was always going back and forth to see them both. My dad got re-married a year later. The person he married became, well to to me she was my mother, and my only parent figure seeing as my dad worked all the time, doing two jobs. We became really close, like I braided her hair, helped her with avon, bake with her, and played with the kids that she had in her daycare. Anyways there was always fighting between my real mom and my ex-step mom. My dad was more passive and emmotional, he always tried to avoid conflict, and always wanted to be the nice guy. Anyways at the age of ten my ex-step mom and my dad got divorced and she disowned me. I was rather heart broken at 10 years old you can imagine what it would be like to loose your only parent figure. Although instead of my dad conforting me, I turned out to be the one who would comfort him. I moved to my mom’s house, and then after being there for 2 weeks my dad calls me crying wanting me to come back so I did. I ended up comforting him and crying my-self to sleep for a while and did most things for myself seeing as he still needed to work and i never had a babysitter. I started getting into drugs and whatnot going down that road. I started bouncing back and force between my mom’s and dad’s whenever things started getting rough. I became socially withdrawn. Not until like 16 i started making real friends after i got kicked out of my dad’s when he got his new girlfriend. Then when i was starting to enjoy life I got kicked out of my mom’s after my step dad threw me around a little. Then living in a group home for a couple of weeks they made me go to my dad’s (another province) and leave all the friends I made. He ended up picking me up at the bus stop driving me to london got me something to eat gave me 40 dollars and dropped me off at a homeless shelter. I had to bounce back and force between shelters I was kinda in shock. I made friends there. I ended up going back to where my old friends were and mosted them started hating me. I ended up going back to a homeless shelter cause my mom wanted me to move back in with her, Child and Family Services was going to make me, and I didnt want to be back with my step-dad so I moved back to a homeless shelter. The friends I made in london ended up ******* me over running bills up and stuff like that. I never finished my highschool and I’m working at timhortons trying to figure out who I am. I have lost sense of myself and im trying to make friends but everytime anyone gets close i do something to push them away without meaning to. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like i have lost control of my life. I apologize for the novel but I needed to vent seeing as I don’t have someone in life to vent to. Any advice would be appreciated.
Posted 8/28/2008 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
smurf  Hi Adam welcome to healling well, you can vent all you want, it helps to get things out in theopen and off your chest.  I didnt have the best of childhoods either, i think thats why alot of teen do get into drugs etc. My parents were divorced before i wa conceived. The had custody battles to who was going to have the kids, in the end my dad eneded up disowning everyone including me. m almost 40, so tis was 30 yrs ago, and is still all clear in my mind, but time and age, meds, friends have gotten me through, where i can look back and it not hurt so much.  but your still so young and not to many years out since all this has happened. It will take time, good freinds, even spirtuallity helps me. Keep posting there many members here that can relate, or just have kind words to let you know someone cares..... smurf
Posted 8/28/2008 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear you had so much abandonment issues. I was abused phsyically,abandoned and brusied up pretty bad mentally. What I did to move on was to breath when ever those feelings show up to visit. look ahead don't look back. Time heals alot of wounds throgh forgiveness. Unfortunatly it took me 20 something years. Maybe finding a counselor just to listen will help. Hope your day goes better,keep looking forward, and breathe just breathe.

 

                       smilewinkgrin smiles,

                                gennie

Posted 8/29/2008 9:00 AM (GMT 0)
You know who you are? A great guy who had some bad circumstances. I've been there too -- pushing people away and not knowing why. Being lost and alone, feeling like you have no one to talk to. You do. Lots of people. People here and people offline. Chances are you are dealing with the world the best way you know how. And you're actually doing quite well. I know it may not feel that way sometimes but you have a job and you realize that there are these patterns in your life that are not leading you toward being the person you want to be. That's huge because 1) you have a starting point and 2) you see that it doesn't have to be like this.

You have not lost control of your life -- in fact, you are finally taking control of it. Up until now, you've been shuttled around and bounced back and forth and its been quite a ride. You are awaking to the awareness of that. I would say you are lost because you had no control of your life -- what kid does? -- and now you are waking up to that.

As far as how to move past a bad childhood? I agree with Gennie that a counselor would be a good move -- get your past out of your present and your future. Also, I suggest joining a volunteer organization doing something you really enjoy. It doesn't matter what it is. Music, nature, reading, dancing, whatever. Just do something and relearn how to make friends.

Also, these guys are great when you need someone to chat with -- for any reason: http://www.samaritans.org/.
Posted 8/29/2008 10:42 PM (GMT 0)

Adam,

I am so sorry you went through an unthinkable situation growing up.  It is frequently the children that get the short end of the straw in a divorce.  You got more then your dose of pain from the behavior of the adults in your life.

Is there anyway you can go to counseling? You have a whole childhood of issues you need to deal with and then put them in the past.

Please know we care and keep posting.
Kitt

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