New here-Need friends-VERY LOST...

Hi Willow,

I am so sorry for how things are going for you right now. I know the feeling of losing your goals with the fibromyalgia. I went through that also about the same time as you. I lost my business, but fortunately didn't lose my home, but thought I was losing my mind. I spent two years in bed with this disorder. Luckily I had a friend to take me places and make sure that I was okay. It wasn't until I started taking adderall that I was able to function.

I know that it is a tough living situation for you. If you got out into your own place would you be eligible for assisstance? That would be a thought. You are in need of your own life and some privacy when you want. I can understand how it feels to live under somebody elses roof. And it sounds like you might of had some issues before with sd.

We are here for you. So post whenever you need to. I want to welcome you to Healing Well. I usually do that first, but got caught up in the topic and I forgot. I think that you will find that this is a wonderful place to come and open up. Everybody here is very kind and compassionate and nobody judges here.

Are you going to any type of counseling? That is one thing that we try to recommend here. It really helps a lot. There are programs that will help you with that if you can't afford. Do you have to always put down the other income in the house hold. Could you explain that you are just renting space there and that their income has nothing to do with you? I really don't think that their income should effect you if you are paying them rent.

I hope that this helps in some small way anyway. I hope that you can live in the moment and not have to worry about the future so much. I wish for you a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen...

Thank you SO much for you replies! It feels like the first time I've gotten to 'talk' to someone(s) who understand in a long long time. My regular computer isn't working so I'm typing on my tiny cell phone keys I've tried to get Medical Assistance at least 4 times and have been denied each time. My mom even wrote a note stating that "I was only renting a room from them & showed proof of my monthly payments to them", still I was denied b/c the Dept. of Public Assistance in PA provides assistance of any kind based on the income of the entire household. I've done everything I know of to get help but am always denied. I was getting help from the County's Mental Health Services & was in couseling thanks to them, but as soon as I got Medicare they dropped me, as did the Counseling Services I was receiving, immediately. I called churches for help, but since I'm not a member I was told they could not help me (unless I could provide a "Donation" each week which of coarse I could not afford. I could get Assistance if I got a place of my own, but I cannot afford to move & pay for my prescriptions & other bills. Plus, I have NO help at all. My mom & s-dad won't help me b/c they don't want me to leave & I have no friends or other family. Right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table, crying, gasping for air and sweating from the pain, and I may as well be invisable b/c they totally ignore my pain. I just want (NEED) my own small place & privacy. I can't handle this kind of existance...I need help so badly & much better pain control (which I cannot get) in order to find the strength to get out of the pit of pain, sadness & hopelessness that my life has become. I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING! My thoughts & prayers are with you all.
Willow

Hey there,

Welcome to the forum! You should make sure you keep posting here.. it helped me so much because i felt that nobody understood.. and the truth is nobody did .. or could. 

Firstly if your parents are working and you are considered financially dependant on them because you cannot work.  If you can prove your disability from a doctor you should be covered under one of your parents insurance.  I know this because I once worked at a call centre for benefits medicar etc...  talk to your parents,  I am so sorry about your father.  I know it is hard.  But just remember-- he does not want to be the reason you are unhappy.  Live for him.

I thought my life was over at one point and felt as though i was waiting to die.  Don't listen to what others say, just do whatever you are capable of doing.  that is it.  I was a huge burden on others for along time.. lost my friends as well.  But it took me two years to finally find a friend who is worth my love.  It's a hard process huh

Do not be afraid to reach out and ask for help. 

p.s. if you were injured at work, you should be able to press charges/get financial help if they did not train you the proper way to lift with your back.  This is mandatory at hospitals.  If they did not teach you this-- or you were forced to lift something you knew was too heavy you should contact that place of work and see what your options are.

Hope I helped at least a little.

Things will look up for you, keep praying and you will succeed.  Believe in yourself, You WILL be ok, it's a learning process and once you've figured out how to set things straight your happiness will slowly come back to you.

Much love,

Robyn

Again, Thank You all SO much for you support, encouragement and friendship. Right now the support I'm receiving here is the ONLY support and human contact that I have. Regarding my parents, they're both retired for a long time now. Both are abt 70 years old. They have wonderful health insurance & other investmnts, but I'm not eligable for anything from them. I pay them $300 a month + buy many other things/groceries/etc for the house. I know the money I give to them helps them a lot. Also, they rely on me much of the time to run errands for them, get groceries & other things for them. Neither of them seem to understand how much pain I'm in, nor do they seem to care. I've been in counseling for years b/c of PTSD, severe depression, panic attacks, etc, from emotional abuse I suffered at their hands which started at age 3. I never had a normal childhood & still seem to always end up living my life for "their happiness & comfort"... I've moved many times, even to other States, 1000's of miles away, but then end up back 'home' again. Now the chronic physical pain I have 24/7 keeps me here. I have NO privacy to have a boyfriend & after I had friends here to this house, they ran for cover! Anyone & everyone who knows how I must live, and who knows my mom & s-dad, wont come into this house. It's all so controlling & very dysfunctional. I used to attend al-anon & ACOA meetings (for the past 20 years) but now have too much pain to be able to get there & sit thru a meeting. All therapists & doctor's I've been to tell me I "Must Get my own place...that it's literally a life-death situation 4 me", but I have NO help, no support here, severe pain & an 8 month old puppy to care for. I love this puppy and he's now mine. My mom bought him, but when he was too much of a handful, she didn't want him. Even the dog is going mad living here! HELP!
Again, Thank You all SO much for being here to help me! I really need your support & encouragement! My thoughts and prayer's are with you all too. I know life is hard for everyone.
P.S. - the idea about renting a room w/ a kitchen-ette is a great one...but I have my puppy to care for & most places wont allow pets. I'm so thankful to have him. We're both outcasts here :-(
Willow

Hey there again

If your parents don't care, it's probably because they do not understand.  Have you tried going to counselling with them?  I know they are older but it couldn't hurt.  I see why you can't get covered under their benefits but there MUST be a way.  all you have to do is find it.  I believe in you, and there is hope.  Try to get into a comfortable situation asap, but keep believing in yourself.

I'm actually going to go do some research on this :) it doesn't seem fair at all

I'll let you know if I find anything helpful :)

Thank you so much again for keeping in touch and for your encouragement. It means SO much to me. Regarding my mom & s-dad, I know they care about me, and do know that they don't understand the pain (physically & emotionally) that I live with every hour of every day, for the past 8 years +++ I "want" them to be more supportive & understand how hard it is for me to keep up, run errands for them, vacuum the house, carry bags & bags of very heavy groceries & how hard it is for me to keep up with Bailey, our 8 month old puppy, who is exibiting very bad, hyperactive/aggressive & defiant behaviour. I do love my parents very much, but I try not to enable them to become too dependant on me. I'm an,excellent Codependant! My entire life has centered around helping eveyone...Now that I desperately need help, no one is here. I'm so thankful to have found HW! I do feel more optimistic and safe knowing that I can come here and find such genuine caring and support.
My thoughts & support are with you all as well
Willow

HI Willow,

If you are under to much stress and pressure you need to tell your parents and make arrangements to not be the errand person all the time.

Is there something you have always wanted to do just for you, a hobby?

Try to channel some of your energy into doing for you and do not let others dictate how you live you life.

Stay strong
Kitt

I wonder if you could get back on that list. It may take a while, but it would be in progress. Also maybe you could get food stamps. If you only eat one meal aday with your family, you are eligible for your own. That would free up some of your money so that you could get the counseling.

Best wishes my friend,

Karen