DEPRESSED AGAIN OR STILL

  THE THREE SURGERIES ARE OVER,BUT I AM STILL DEPRESSED:

         Hi getting by,

            Well my foot and ankle surgery was done on the 23rd,of last month.Once he got in there he found more that he had saw on the X-Ray.My ankle was full of Arthritis,and my tendons and legiments were really messed up.He said that he was partly his fault for waiting so long to get me into surgery.He said that he had a lot of work to do.I was about a two hour surgery.I am now in a hard cast,and go back every two weeks to have it changed and evaluated.The swelling is going down nicely.I will have a huge scar the wraps around my ankle,but I don't care about that.I will in a cast for about six to eight weeks.I am getting around by the use of a walker.I am getting really good at it.Still find it hard to go up and down the steps,but I manage to make it.I stayed up stairs on my bed for the first three weeks.

            As for my eye surgery,well  that went pretty good.It was done two days after my ankle surgery at the same hospital.I went back to him five days later to have the stitches taken out.He said that my eyes look good.My right eye is still a little swollen but it is going down slowly.That is the one that need most of the work.

            My double colonoscopy was a night mare in itself.It was not bad enough that I had to be on a liquid died for three days prior to the surgery,but when I go back into the holding room,the nurse told me that the doctor had order her to give a two enamas.I don't know what he expected to find.I was in tears the whole time.Than after all was said and done and the surgery was over,as I was coming to,I heard the doctor telling the nurse that he did three biopsies,and all he really found was that I had a mild case of Chron's Desease.I am so tired of hearing that word.When I had the colostomy done,the doctor said that would take care of it.I go back to my rectal/colon specialist the 6th of next month and then I see my Urologist on the 7th to see about having this thing I have in my upper butt that is called an Interstem Implant that is suppose to control the bladder muscles,but it is not working.I have had five bladder surgeries,and none of them have held.I had four large babies,and with me being constipated most of my life,all of the  pushing I did then,did not help the matter at all.So now I want my bladder removed and hooked up to a Urostomy,and I also want my rectem closed.I am 60 years old,and I know my body better then any doctor does.I am getting tired of all of these quick fixes that they want to give you.Some times they think that they are helping us,when actually they are not.I know what I want,and they will too,when I get finished saying my peace.I should of seen these two doctors two months ago,but my Urologist keeps putting it off.Maybe I don't know what I am getting myself into,but it has to be better than what I am going throght now.

           Well that is all for now.I hope that this finds you in good health and hope to hear from you soon.Take care.

                                             Hugs and Prayers

                                                                                  San's  (Sandy)

  TRYING TO STAY ON TOP OF MY DEPRESSION:

       Hi Kitt:

          Thank you for you short note of concern.I feel like I have been put through the wringer and have put my body through hell,that past couplel of months,with all that I have had to go through.I will be so glad when it is all over and done with.If the doctors can fix my rectum,and do something about my bladder problem,I will be the happiest person in the world.I have been dealing with all of these problems for most of my life.I have been battling with many of doctors,but they think they know best.I think that they need to go see a doctor themselves.Even the specialist don't know it all,but I guess we have to put our trust in someone,and hope that they can make up better.

           I hope that you are doing find as well.Once again thanks for you concern.

                                                                  Take care

                                                                        san's  (Sandy)

  I WAS DOING FINE,BUT NOW I AM BACK TO BEING DEPRESSED AGAIN:

               Hi gettin by;

                    I don't know what happened.Things were going a long just fine,and I was feeling good about everything,and all of a sudden I fell down again.

                    My husband and I have kidding back and forth about different things the past couple of months.Since I have been in a cast and using a walker,he has found a longer cord,so the phone can be brought over to coffee table,to when it rings I don't have to get up and hurry to answer it,and for that I am thankful for.It is cordless,but old,and we leave it off of the base to long the battery goes dead easy.Anyway,my husband does not have that good of a balance,so I worry about him tripping over the cord.Well last evening he was bring a cup of hot tea into the living room and stepped over the cord with no problem.In a joking way,I sad "you make it again without tripping over the cord",he turned to me and said that if I treated like a "moron again,he would kick my f------ ass.I was only joking,and trying to make confersation.I know that he would never hurt me,but just the thought of what he said really hurt me.I guess because he has been so good to me since my surgeries and I have felt close to him for that.I don't know how to take it,but I have been in a bad,down mood ever since,and can't seem to bring myself out of it.I am sitting here crying now,as I type this out to you.I don't know what to do with myself.I can not drive,so I can not go anywhere,I can't go out side for a walk,so I am stuck in side.Like I said,I don't know what happened.We had a great day together yesterday,and then all hell broke loose last evening.I don't like being like this.He is trying to be nice like nothing ever happened,but I can not forget about it.

                    about now,I just want to and go to sleep and never wake up again.You and everyone say that I am a strong person.I was strong at one time,but I am loosing my will power,and my strength.If it were not for my grand children,I wouldin a heart beat.I don't feel good about myself and don't know how to change that either.I would like to be the type of person I was years ago.Happy,out going,always smiling,and had a half way decent live.Since I have be retired,I feel like my life has gone to hell,and I am bored out of my mind and it sure is doing a number on my depression.

                    Please help me.   Hugs and Prayers

                                                                                                San's   (Sandy)

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/24/2008 7:03:55 PM (GMT-6)