I can't do this anymore!

I am really sorry for all you have gone thru
I have lost both my parents to Alzheimer
s and dad to AD as well as brain cancer...........

YOu have to find a way or a therapist that WILL listen to you hear you ..
Help you
YOU need to let those tears fall
It is okay

I had Mom til I was 52 and it still really hurts with her gone......
Then Dad just in April
So Yes I do alot of crying but I also celebrate their lives and think of the memories I had made thru the yrs of looking after them

You are needed ........
Keep strong
But dont be afraid to blow or cry whenever you need too
YOU
have earned that right IMHO

Have you tried a real sit down no holes barred but no yeling kinda talk with dad
Even writing a list of what is going on and how you see him and his responses
He can do the same for you
IT may help
I dont know
I wish there was more I could say to you

Explain to dad that this is a support group nothing better around and it will
help you as will the ppl here
They know what you are going thru

Again you should try a therapist as well and get this stuff all out
I did finally go to Grief Couselling after my first hubby passed away in 1979

I hope I have helped .........
even if only a bit

.......LYN

I thnk that you should worry about getting yourself better, the rest will fall into place. But only Dad can help Dad.

Are you going to any type of counseling? I can't remember if you are or not. If not, I think that it would be a good idea to go and get some help for yourself from somebody objective. You could use the support. You are trying really hard, but worrying about him isn't helping you. You need to think of yoursself right now and tackle being happy. If you do, I think that your dad will follow along. He seems supportive of you.

Have you thought as to what was the point of your Dad's question? I think that he wants to see you help yourself. Not worry about being sorry. Why do you think that it bothers him that you are on the computer? My husband thinks I spend too much time on here, but I would be sitting anyway. At least here I stimulate my brain and do something good for others. Maybe he doesn't understand what you get out of the forum. I know that my husband doesn't, but here I still sit. It is good for me to a point, I can't let it control my life. I moderate two forums, plus like to check my emails and that does take some time. There are times when I do have to walk away from it though.

I hope that this helps you some. Try to take life one day at a time. Try not to dwell on the past, though you do need to let yourself grieve, don't dwell too much. Try to get out and do things, are you working, or going to school? You need some activity out of the house. And it is important for you to help around the house, well all should equally. Don't give up. We are here for you, it is maybe time for some brainstorming.

Hugs, Karen

I think your in the UK & it does take a couple of weeks / months for a space with an NHS counsellor. I had to go privately in the end because they could only see me during the week & I work full time. It costs quite a bit but it is worth it! You could try hasseling your doctor to speed things up a bit, not sure if it will work, but its worth a try!

You could ask your doctor or search on the net & see if you could maybe find a support group in your area? That might be useful for you - and also help you to meet new people who have had similar experiences to yourself?

Hi--Men and women are soooo different. Men rarely reach out for help or support and they really don't understand why women DO.

I think that moving out would be your best bet--which probably scares your dad. You can't fix him--only yourself. There are so many issues here, not the least of which is that your mother (his wife) died several years ago and he raised you and your sister. He must have all kinds of bad/sad feelings regarding that. And, AGAIN, he's a man. (I have a wonderful husband, in case you're wondering).

You're at a pretty difficult age--one foot in adulthood and the other just leaving childhood. Communication problems between parents and children just mount around this time. Give yourself a break, as well as your dad. Try to step back a bit emotionally, for a time--you'll feel better.

We rush off to "professionals" to help us feel better, when, if we look really closely, we'll find the key is to change how we perceive the world around us and figure out our place in it.

Have you tried reading any self-help books? There are so many good ones available (I read a lot years ago). Why not give that a try? You'd be surprised at how well many of these do-it-yourself books may work for you.

Keep your chin up! "This, too, shall pass."

Another good book is Healing the Child Within by Charles L. Whitfield and Feeling good by Davind D Burns. I read both of them and they really helped me.

Best wishes,
Hugs, Karen

I am not a great reader of books but I guess that trying to sit down and read them might .a. get me into reading more in genral, but .b. also help me though this period. Thanks so much for your help guys, couldn't have done this so far without you! (hugs) xxx

Since I have been living back at my Dad's, I have seen a dramatic improvement in our relationship. We are getting on a hell of alot better than we ever have since my mum died. As I am now also able to motivate myself, I am on the computer less often, which means that is another thing we don't argue about anymore... Since I have sorted out and tidyed my room, I feel alot more at home too, I haven't argued with my sister ONE yet (and that IS a mirical!) I think my next step is probably to find a small job in my area, as it means I will be earning some money, instead of sitting around the house all day... Thanks again for your help so far guys!! x x

Yeah... I am kinda not too good around people so I wanna see if I can get a job somewhere that isn't too busy. One of the younger kids in the street (good little mate) mentioned to me about putting a CV in the butchers by my dads. I am kinda thinking about it... I wouldn't be able to cut or prep the meet but I guess sorting the customers out wouldn't do me any harm... (at least I would be somewhere and it wouldn't be too busy with all the college kids on there lunch) Speak soon x x x x