My GF and her 3rd episode

Well she called me one day 10yrs later and we talked like friends. She explained all that happened between her and her GF, her depression while being with her and the attempt at a suicide from an overdose of meds because of depression. I gave the best advice i could over the phone on a topic that know very little about as an illness. I supported to the best of my abbilities. I know the suicide attempt was long ago. This was with her first episode which was at least 5yrs.My support to her was during the last 2 months of her relationship. As time went by she seemd to be alot happier. Shes well aware of her depression and is taking meds...150mg effexor xr. and 30mg mirtazapine. NEXT POST PLEASE SORRY

Well long story short till i can better explain through a differrent computer...I moved in Jan 09...3 and a half weeks in she gets another attack..hoping its just a mild one, We still went along...But she started to get more distant, no more affection, no more laughing together, just no more normal us. After the 3rd day, I confronted her to tell me whats wrong, i told her if its hard for you to tell me face to face, write it down. She did. The night befor she wrote it, I asked her if I can come with her to drop off her son to school..i didnt get a direct answer, cause 2 hours befor, she had written the letter of how she was feeling. We woke up in the morning, and I stayed in bed waiting for her to tell me lets go. But all i got was a brief hug after a week with out one so knew some thing was up.NEXT POST

When she left, I got up to get a drink, and noticed an envelope taped to the TV saying "FOR YOU (ED)" ..I immediately thought that this was something that was gonna hurt, and it did. She explaind that it wasnt me at all, had no intentions for this to happen, that she thinks the love she had for me was more of a friendship love, and was hoping that it was just her depression taking control. I was hurt, but i knew that deep inside she really loves me more than a friend and that i should move back till shes back up. Then I go check my email and open a message from my dad, he told me that my mom just had a stroke, that shes fine, but things will never be the same. Thats when I just fell apart...I wrote a 7 page letter explaining to her what ive been feeling, and what happened to my mom and that i decided to go back but un sure when.

I know her normal dosage got bumped to 225mg. And know it could be 4-6 weeks befor we begin to see an improvement. As much as I wanna stay for her, to support her even though shes so distant from me, I cant. I heart broken cause I know I can help her through this just as I did befor we started dating. So my question is, do you think that after she pulls through, after my help and after all the claims she made to me, that she'll take me back? I know she's strong and has a good mind set, and the fact that she's been through this befor, she can come out. Im just wondering if I had any affect of her depression cause I loved her the way she deserved...Any answer is greatly appreciated. and thanks for reading....

One more thing I remembered from reading an oldpost here is an increase in chocolate consumption...also is there anything else that i maybe do or say to reassure her that im here for her??

Ed,

I am so sorry that htis has happened. And that you made such a long move to be with her. But I guess it is better now that you know how she feels instead of down the road. Try to not look at it as a failed relationship, but as a good experience that is now over. If you want to, stick around until her meds start to work. Which takes four to six weeks. Or take up root and go back to where you are comfortable and can find work. This is very unfortunate, that is for sure. But at least she is being honest.

I hope that you can figure something out that best suits you. I am sorry for the situation, as I said above. Most of all, we are here for you so keep posting.

Hugs, Karen

Karen...... Thank you for the reply, I was thinking about some thing you wrote, "IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO. IF IT WAS MEANT TO BE, IT'LL RETURN" I really was calming to me, but hard at the same time. As much as I would like to stay by her side until her meds kicked, I cant...Simply because she purchased my plane ticket already, and the health of my mom. It hurts me so much to have to decide who's side to be by at the moment...But after reading your anecdote, I knew what I had to do, and going back is the best choice. I still have alot of years left ahead of me to hopefully spend the rest of my life with this girl, and my moms health is slowly going. Now im just venting...Its so hard here when you have no one to talk to. A shoulder to cry on....Hell, im tearing posting this.

I want to be here with her. We did have a conversation on valentines, about how shes feeling, she said that she knows shes distant and acting more unusual to close ones and friends. She explained that she doesnt feel like being touched and just wants to be alone. Now what I dont get is while going through this, that she is constantly at her ex-gf's mothers house. And is texting her younger daughter alot. (the older daughter was her ex) I know that my GF is completely through with her. Even the mom and daughter dispise her for what she has put her own loved ones through. My only conclusion is that because they were there for her to give her comfort and support. But I did that too...and I get the shortest stick??

Karen.... Yeah she has a specialty Dr. that she see's, and actually has an appointment next thursday the 26th to see him because of what happened. I understand what youre saying about her not wanting me to see her like this physically, and it makes absolute sense. Befor I moved to be with her, we'd speak our mind to each other, she'd told me that I was a big help in her break up. Our conversations were always positive, and I was always able to make her laugh during that period. But this was over the phone. When I did move in, it was fantastic, we were so happy. I'd read a book a while ago by "Gary Chapman" titled "THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES". turns out that her Dr. recommended the same book awhile ago too. She told me one time long ago befor we got together, that she's scared to fall in love again, only to be let down just like the past relationship that she tried so hard on...

After reading the orginal post this is my thoughts, sorry haven't really kept up with the replies. I think that you should go back and try to focus on yourself and your family. I know that this is a hard thing to go through because you love her but it sounds like she needs some space to get herself together. I honestly wouldn't even try to communicate with her while your gone because I just think that it would make things worse. I feel that if she told you that her love was just a friendship type of thing, I don't see you two being together even if she does get better mentally. Because how can feelings grow when they were never there to begin with? Know what I mean? Especially if you two spent a lot of time together, you think that it would of been there or grown in that time. I'm not saying that she never had any type of feelings for you but the feelings it takes to be in a relationship need to be there. I'm really not trying to be harsh, I've had a similar experience. And believe her when she says it's not you because I'm really sure she didn't want to hurt you and I'm sure she feels really bad about all this. Sometimes we think that things will work and in the end if it's not there, it's not there. You can't "try" to love someone or make them love you, period. I know as hard as it sounds I don't think it would be wise to invest yourself into her while your gone and the reason I say that is because in the end if you spent all this time being there for her and waiting for her, then it doesn't work out, your going get hurt even more. Just some insight from a similar experience because I went through what your GF is going through, so I know how it feels to be in those shoes. All though I don't know your whole situation, I hope you can see my points.

I thank you guys for all your positive insight, I now have1 one more dilemma thats eating me alive...I have very little time here till I depart back to SD. she hasnt shown any signs of at least being a friend. We have spent about 20mins together in the past 3 weeks. I asked several times in the most calming voice I can use if that me and her could at least (more her) try to spend what little time is left with me? Even its me giving her a bath or a back rub??? We havent been intimate for some time, but thats not what im looking for..Should I even try to ask one last time? I dont even mind if its us crying on each others shoulders.. I just would like an acknowledgment that i was here and im leaving, soon. Like this Sat...???? TIA!!!!!

Post Edited (eddiebaby) : 2/18/2009 6:15:17 PM (GMT-7)

Well when you asked her what did she say? And the obvious is there, you shouldn't have to ask. If she wanted to spend the time with you she would of. I know it's a tough time right now but you have to let this go and move forward. Hang in there! And hugs!