I'm a newbie.

Hello everyone, I have been lurking around for a couple of weeks and I am just getting up the nerve to post. I have suffered with depression for most of my life, and a severe panic disorder for the past 7 years or so. I have been on Lexapro and Xanax for the past 4 years and I just don't feel they are doing their job anymore. I feel like I have been slipping into a black hole for the past few weeks. For the past few days I have been on the verge of tears non-stop, and when I finally do let myself cry, I cry so hard that I hyperventilate and cannot breath. This is something that has never happened to me before and it was really scary. Having depression and anxiety has been like like living in my own personal hell. I used to be filled with energy, surrounded by friends, excited about my life and what was to come, and all of that is gone. I have lost my friends, my boyfriend, and my life to these diseases and it all came into view all of a sudden and I have been a mess for the past week just thinking about it. I still go to work Monday thru Friday, come home and crawl right into bed after work, and don't leave my apartment on the weekends. I am embarrassed of myself and feel worthless right now. I gained 50 pounds after starting the Lexapro and I feel disgusting. I can't go out and try to have a good time because I worry too much about having a panic attack and not being able to get out of wherever I am. I want so badly to get back what I used to have. I turned 30 last month and had high hopes of celebrating, instead I was in bed with a stomach virus, alone. No one called me to wish me a happy birthday or see how I was doing. Nothing. I have never felt this wretched before and I am here to extend a hand for help. Thank you for taking the time for reading my story. I am glad to be here.

Thank you for the warm welcome, griffin. I have been thinking about making a doc's appointment this coming week after the past few that i have just had. I really do think it's time for a switch in meds. unfortunately, my mom dose not really understand what I am going through, and she just tells me to "snap out of it".

Thank you getting by....I have been lurking for a bit and everyone here seems so caring, compassionate, and understanding. I am so happy to have found this site. I am feeling a bit better today. Maybe I needed to cry it all out, maybe i needed the past 2 days on the couch, and I am trying to be hopeful that my day at work will go well tomorrow. Another thing that has been worrying me is that my cell phone is broken, and my anxiety is taking over and I keep thinking "oh my god, what if something happens to me tonight and I can't call for help?". Is that the silliest thing? I hope to get a new one tomorrow, and as soon as I do call my doc.

Hi tully,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am glad you have joined us as you will find the members warm and caring and very supportive.

We know where your coming from and what your going through. Please do see your physician and be honest and upfront about how you are feeling.

When your fears have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them. Don’t try to stop everything at once as you may be setting yourself up for failure.

Please know coming here is a wonderful and courageous step. You are voicing your fears so you know what they are.

Keep talking with us and know we have chat Tuesday so join us in the chat room if you are available.

Again a Warm Welcome

Kitt