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50 year old male. feel depression setting in

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Posted 3/4/2009 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
I retired 2 years ago because of arthritis related to Crohn's disease. I was very athletic and active up until my arthritis took over. Obviously my disability has had a dramatic affect on my activity level and I can feel my friends and family slipping away from me. Not only do they not understand what I'm going through but they are probably tired of hearing about it as well. With all this newfound freetime I find myself bored alot and alittle depressed that my phone rings less and less everyday. I've been single and dateless for over a year and don't pursue new dates because of my self conciousness of my arthritis. I want to find hobbies that would put me in more contact with people but I can't think of anything I would really enjoy and even though I have a nice, well decorated home it feels like it's starting to close in around me from spending too much time here. I still get up every morning saying to myself that Im going to get out and do something today and I often do but once I get out Im lost for ideas. Sounds rediculous doesn't it?

Any ideas? I don't want to become some lonely old geezer that my neighbors whisper about. lol.

Posted 3/5/2009 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
None of what you're saying sounds rediculous. It's hard getting out and trying new things. It's especially hard when you've had friends and they've faded away. It makes you think people are fickle, and why give them a try again. It's only natural that having a chronic disease will cause depression. You will notice that a lot of people here also have other ongoing medical problems. Being in the house alone a lot is enough to drive a person mad also! As you know, you have friends here who care about you!

What kind of things did you used to be into? What are your likes and dislikes? Hopefully that will help us figure something out for you.

Take care! Oh, and don't go get a bunch of cats, that would only make the neighbors whisper quicker! Ha!
Posted 3/5/2009 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
You don't want to be some lonely old geezer that the neighbors whisper about. I had to repeat that, it is funny. But I can understand where you are coming from.

Maybe you could get some magazines that are about things that you are interested in, ie wood working or home repair. That might get you back in the swing of things. Reading often stimulates the mind and in turn you might get the urge to do some kind of craft that you enjoy.

You could take a class somewhere doing something that sounds interesting. That way you could meet people at the same time. Or if you are interested, how about some volunteer work? That would help you to feel better about yourself.

Either way, I hope that you can find something that you enjoy to get you over the hump. I don't know where you live, but where I live, we have a lot of snow. It has been a long winter and I am desperately awaiting spring. Maybe when the weather gets better, you will in turn feel better.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I hope that I have helped in some small way.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/5/2009 1:31 AM (GMT 0)
As I said before I was very athletic. I was a runner for 25 years, an avid hiker (hiked several sections of the apalachian trail), a cyclist, did some light mountain climbing, and worked out regularly. Thats all behind me now and I've dealt with that fairly well. It's finding something to replace it that's making me crazy. I did some thinking after reading your responses and remembered I used to love photograghy and writing. Thats something I could enjoy again I think. I'm still up for new ideas but this could be a start. Thanks, Tony
Posted 3/5/2009 4:39 AM (GMT 0)
It is so hard when you can't do the things that you use to do. I went through that when I got fibromyalgia. I was in too much pain and too fatigued to do anything any more. And I did a lot of walking. Every morning. I would take my dogs for a walk in the woods and we walked a long ways. I can't do that anymore and it was hard finding other things to do in place of that. I still walk when I can, but it is just around the block, but I to twice because I have two dogs to walk. I use to cross country ski, and I can't do that anymore. I just dont' have the stamina for it anymore. I wanted to go just a little this year, but haven't got the inspiration to go yet. The days are getting warmer though, so I hope to go one day soon.

But yes, I understand not being able to do what you enjoyed before. I am glad that you are handling that part well. Finding new things comes too though. I got into making jewelry, collecting rocks, painting and wood burning. I love them all, but without the exercise, I have gained weight that I would like to lose.

I hope that you can get back into your hobbies, they sound interesting. I am not a photographer, but I got a nice camera and am learning to take good pictures. I carry it with me when I go out into the woods.

Well, I am starting to ramble some. I hope that you have a good night. Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/5/2009 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
Karen, I hadn't really thought about the weather being a factor but like you, I live in a cold winter climate, Indiana, and its been too cold this winter to get out and do much at all. With my knees being affected I avoid walking on any slick surfaces so Ive practically become a hermit this winter. I look so forward to warmer weather. Iv'e found myself spending time looking at photos of beach scenes online alot and even seriously considered moving to Florida near the beach anywhere. That would be a huge step for me but even last week I shopped online for apartments online along the gulf coast. Most of my contact with family anymore is by phone or email and I can do that from a warm beach. Just the possibility of really doing that brings me a sense of comfort. Just another thing I need to give more serious thought to. Thanks very much for your feedback.
Posted 3/5/2009 1:56 PM (GMT 0)
You are so very welcome. I am glad that I helped you some. Yes, Florida sounds good to me too. But I can't afford to move, I would be one of those who spent winters down there and came back home for summer, as there are so many things that I enjoy here in the summer. But it does get humid here in the summer which effects me too.

I hope that you are able to do something to combat the pain that you get. I know that Indiana has been cold this year, but we are in for a warm up and I hope that it helps you to get out and move around. It is too slippery here to walk. I am not that steady on my feet either and I fear falling.

I hope that you have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/6/2009 12:02 AM (GMT 0)

redface  

hi there,

i live with a depressed husband. the men just seem to live withit and pretend it is normal. marriages break up becasue the other normal spouse gets mistreated and ignored.

Depression is a very selfish desease!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am tired!

dottie

Posted 3/6/2009 12:03 AM (GMT 0)

oh ya, my name is not really fa, the user name would not work witha regular name.

sorry all!!

dottie


Post Edited By Moderator (FamilyGuy) : 3/5/2009 5:49:03 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 3/6/2009 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Dottie,

I will ask, but I am pretty sure that you are going to have to change your name. We have thirteen year old children on here and I don't think it is really appropriate. I am sorry.

I am sorry that you are suffering with a depressed spouse. But I think it is unfair of you to consider it a selfish disease. Everybody on this forum suffers with it in one way or another. Maybe it is just that your spouse is a selfish person. Or not dealing with it as he should. But please don't say it is a selfish disease. There are many depressed people here and in no way are they selfish, just trying to survive like the rest of us.


Maybe if you read a little on here you would understand the disease better. People with depression are truly suffering.

I hope that you have a good day and that your husband gets better.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/6/2009 6:25 PM (GMT 0)

is anyone married to a Japanese man with depression?

I am and i need some feed back on it. With the culture already a bit in the denial area this is even worse for him or his family to accept!!

Dottie

Posted 3/6/2009 6:28 PM (GMT 0)

Karen, are you suffering with depressionor are you the victim??

Dottie

Posted 3/6/2009 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dottie,

I suffer with depression, but mine is in remission right now, due to what the doctor said. I control mine with antidepressants and mood stabilizers.

I wonder if your husband's problem has to do with his culture, feeling that depression makes him weak. Does he take anything for it, or go to any counseling, my guess would be no. Because I think he is in denial.

I hope that you can find some help for him, or that he can find help for himself. I imagine that this is really hard for you. Keep posting and we will give you whatever advice that we can and we will be here for you. I hope that things work out for you. Maybe you can get him to talk to a doctor.

Let us know a little more about what is going on. You could use some support too.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/6/2009 7:13 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Karen,

The reason i use the word victim is becasue i feel like one. Thanks for the kind words. He did go get meds a few weeks ago. I think the doc said give it a good 6 weeks to kick in. he seems less aggitated but seems to be in a rut all the time.

I know it is really hard for him but i am doing all the work and he just sits home all day.

Thank again for your feed back. I know the culture has a lot to do with it even though the depression and bi-polar runs in his family big time!!

 PS. Hope you are having a great day!

Dottie

Posted 3/6/2009 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
Dottie,

I know how hard it is dealing with somebody with depression. They say hurtful things to you and are thinking only of themselves at the time. I know that it is hard to understand how they can be so hurtful, but try to look at it as the disease and not the person.

I imagine that you could use some support right about now. You might want to go to counseling to help you deal with all of this. Especially if he is bipolar. That can really send a person for a loop.

You are being very strong. And I commend you on that. I know that this is difficult for you. Especially with no support. But remember that we are here for you. And will advise you the best that we can. Sometimes it is just good to vent. So feel free to come on and do so.

I hope that the meds kick in soon for your husband and that he gets some relief and you too. They usually start kicking in before the six weeks and then at six weeks or so they are at their maximum potential. So don't give up hope and remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/6/2009 9:15 PM (GMT 0)

Hey there

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Off the top of my head I can think of one thing that immediately makes me feel better. Warm sunny weather! Don't know if you're getting it where you are but if you are, go outside and sit it in and clear your mind. Think about the things you used to do and how you can still manage them in your life. Think about new interests or desires. Maybe now is the time to start a new hobby. I don't know how severe your arthritis is, but can you get out to take a short walk or is that to much. Maybe start seeing your friends a little more....catch a movie, go to a show or whatever it is you like to do. Please don't let your friends and loved ones fade away. Maybe they are just having a hard time dealing with your latest health change. Maybe they don't know quite what to say.

As far as being single, don't let your disease decide whether you date or not. There are plenty of women who are simply looking for a good man and are willing to handle whatever comes with that package. I know...there are plenty of self centered jerks also but please don't give up on finding happiness there. :)

I wish you the best. Take good care of yourself.

T

Posted 3/6/2009 11:11 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Maddy, I wish I could agree with you about the dating thing but take it from someone who has seen both sides of it. I used to dat ALOT before my body decided to attack me. Im really not that bad now that Im on Remicade but now instead of a girl saying hello, they hold the door open for me. That's a big kick in the pants for me. It's really amazing how differently I'm percieved now verses before the arthritis. I guess I've come a long way with accepting that I've lost some of my "charm" now that I limp alittle but I still have a ways to go. I realize how important self confidence is when meeting potential dates and I would agree that mine has declined somewhat but not enough to justify going from juggling dates to almost 2 years of celibacy. I do believe women are looking for nice guys but only if they're wrapped in a pretty package.
Posted 3/7/2009 12:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there yellowfin43

Hi there, this is Kitt.  You could move to Minnesota  :) The cold and the wind chill will keep you in so you won't have to worry about falling..............lol.

I think you sound like you are really thing through your options and that is wonderful.

There is a great book available if you have not read it:

Understanding Depression By Patricia Ainsworth.

I am going to expand my horizons too as I have pretty much stuck to home all winter and many of those were not good days for me.  I do understand what you are going through.

Please know you are supported here in HW and we are a close knit group who care about each other. :-)

I wish you peace,

Kitt

Posted 3/7/2009 12:34 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the invite to Minnesota but I was thinking it's also hard to slip on sand too. As in beach sand! I will check out the book and thanks for the reply. Tony
Posted 3/7/2009 2:24 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Karen,

Just your kind words are helping. I forgot to mention my sisters,mom and best friend. They are my support system and i am so grateful for them. I am strong becasue i have 2 great kids and they are my life! so i take care of myself for them. As you know depression cuts people  from friends and family so you know my husband is not social any more and that is so hard for me because i am a very social person. smilewinkgrin

anyway Karen i hope you are having a great day and today is baseball day opening for my son so i am really excited! i love to watch the kids play!!!

thanks again Karen,

Dottie

Posted 3/7/2009 4:08 PM (GMT 0)

Dottie,

You may want to start a thread of your own so you can receive advice and support from all the members. 

This thread is yellowfin43 thread and if you start your own thread you won't get lost in the shuffle. smhair

Just a suggestion.  We would all like to get to know you better.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 3/7/2009 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning Dottie,

Well I should say afternoon. I got up rather late. But tomorrow the clocks go ahead an hour so I will really feel like I slept in late. Oh my. I always feel like I lose an hour of sleep.

I am so happy that you are feeling better. That makes me feel very good to know that you have found help here.

As Kitt said, you might want to start a topic of your own so you don't get lost in the shuffle, but if you don't want to, I read all posts so I will find you. That is totally up to you.

Keep posting and let us know how things are going, if you ever want to, feel free to email me, my address is in my profile. I will definately write you back.

I hope that you have a good day.

Luv and hugs, Karen
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