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Posted 2/27/2009 1:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, Im a new member.  Dont really know too much how this works on here.

Im a female in my 30s.  And I guess Ive been depressed for a couple of years now.  As years go by I just get worse. 

But the past year has been the absolute worst.  Im completely at a lost.  Dont really know what to do.  I feel so completely empty inside.  And I feel so alone.  I have no energy for anything anymore.  All I do is stay in my room and cry everyday.  Dont even remember when was the last time I smiled.  I have no kind of happiness in my life. None at all.  All I have is pain. 

Posted 2/27/2009 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Shaishai,

I like your name.

Welcome to healing well. I am happy that you decided to join us. There are many wonderful people here and they are full of compassion and understanding.

Have you been to your doctor? Have you let him/her know how you feel? What about counseling? Are you going to that? I go to both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. It really does help.

The thirties were some of my favorite years. I did take anti depressants and went to counseling then too. I have had depression for over 30 years. But I am here to tell you it does get better with help.

There is a program too that we recommend to others that is over the internet and absolutely free. I will get the address for you so that you can check it out.

Here is the site:

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that you check it out.

Hugs, Karen

So you should be enjoying your life right now. Getting out and doing things. Just plain being happy. We are here to help direct you in the right direction. But you have to see your doctor, get hooked up with some counseling. It is worth it.

I hope that you feel better soon and that you post more. Just coming here is a start.

Posted 2/27/2009 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
shaishai

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum..........this is Kitt.

Do you have a physician involved with your depression problems or do you see a therapist, how about medications?

I feel sad to think of you sitting in your room all alone crying daily...........I have been in your position and it is an awful feeling.

I would like you to come out of your room and look around. Start fighting back, do not let this depression take over your life.  Get help from your physician.

Do the CBT online therapy that Karen suggested.  It has helped many.

Try meditation:

Choose a quiet spot where you will not be disturbed by other people or by the telephone.

Sit quietly in a comfortable position.

Eliminate distractions and interruptions during the period you'll be meditating.

Commit yourself to a specific length of time and try to stick to it.

Pick a focus word or short phrase that's firmly rooted in your personal belief system. A non-religious person might choose a neutral word like one, peace, or love. Others might use the opening words of a favorite prayer from their religion such as 'Hail Mary full of Grace', "I surrender all to you", "Hallelujah", "Om", etc.

Close your eyes. This makes it easy to concentrate.

Relax your muscles sequentially from head to feet. This helps to break the connection between stressful thoughts and a tense body.

Starting with your forehead, become aware of tension as you breathe in. Let go of any obvious tension as you breathe out. Go through the rest of your body in this way, proceeding down through your eyes, jaws, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, upper back, middle back and midriff, lower back, belly, pelvis, buttocks, thighs, calves, and feet.

Breathe slowly and naturally, repeating your focus word or phrase silently as you exhale.

Assume a passive attitude. Don't worry about how well you're doing. When other thoughts come to mind, simply say, "Oh, well," and gently return to the repetition.

Continue for 10 to 20 minutes. You may open your eyes to check the time, but do not use an alarm.

After you finish: Sit quietly for a minute or so, at first with your eyes closed and later with your eyes open. Do not stand for one or two minutes.

Plan for a session once or twice a day.

Then find some sunshine and just sit in the sun and let it warm your soul.  You are a good person and you can do this.  I believe in you.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt

 

Posted 2/28/2009 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
i m also new here. I can really understand what your going through i feel like that alot of the time i tend to go from extremes of really happy positive and happy too chronically pessimistic and depressed.
right now i m in a hug low thats lasted a while....everything feels pointless.
i dont know if i m even saying anything that helps i just know how you feel
love and hugs fai xxxx
Posted 2/28/2009 11:49 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Shaishai

I have been where you are at. My heart sank when I read your post. All I can say is you are doing the right thing. Reach out. Hold on. Also find professional help to see you through this. Keep posting.  Frankie tongue

Posted 3/1/2009 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks to all of you for your messages. No, I haven't seen a doctor for this. And I haven't tried any counseling. Im kinda quiet and I guess you can say that I also have 'trust' issues. Im not good with opening up to people. So thats why I haven't tried counseling.
I can't seem to hide my depression anymore. I used to cover it up pretty well. You know, put on a fake smile and pretend everything was ok. But I guess I've gotten to the point where I just can't seem to deal with it anymore. I can't seem to cover it up anymore. Lately I've been getting 'the looks' from people. You know, they see my puffy eyes and I have no energy to even walk right. I seem to just drag my feet now.
I just feel worse everyday that passes. But after reading your messages, I think I will try to go see a doctor.
And to Karen, you wrote I should be out doing things but I dont like doing things alone. I tried it but it seems to make me more sad and makes me feel more alone. Im kinda new in this town and I don't know anyone here.
But I will try to see a doctor. I guess thats a start in a right direction.
Thank you all.

Post Edited (shaishai) : 3/10/2009 6:37:01 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/1/2009 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
You will eventually meet people and make friends, just by going shopping and doing the things that you normally do. It will work out, trust me.

But I do recommend that you see your doctor and discuss this with him/her. You need some support right now and the sooner the better. And you do have us. Don't ever forget that. We are all here for you. Just writing things here is a release and can help you to feel better.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/1/2009 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Shaishai,

I totally can relate about not wanting to go out to do things because it's not very motivating to do them on your own. I literally have no friends and feel like I'm a hermit. But when I do make it out for a walk I just tell myself that I'm doing this for me trying to impower myself because it will make me feel better and I don't care what anyone around me thinks. Walking can clear your head and just being outside can feel refreshing. I also wanted to add that seeing a Dr is the best thing you could do for yourself. Getting help was the best thing I ever did and I just did it recently too, in Jan. I can't believe what a difference I feel and I know the good things will just keep coming. You are in the right place, this board has very compassionate and understanding people. You will feel safe here. Hang in there and keep posting we are here for you!
Posted 3/1/2009 3:25 PM (GMT 0)

Shaishai,

There are days when I feel like no one knows I even exist.......now I know that is stinkin thinkin but I do understand how you feel.........so fight back and get out there in the world.

Show them how great you are and you will find friends.

I know this is not easy.

I am working on this very think myself.

Hugs sweetie,

Kitt

Posted 3/2/2009 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Shaishai,
I'm depressed too. I have been disabled for a couple of years which is what causes my depression.
I have a friend but sometimes it's hard to even be totally open with your best friend about some feelings and they're not trained to help us. Sure they may care and support us but they just don't know what to do.
I'm a shy person and it's hard for me to open up to people. My doctor suggested seeing a psychologist but i was all nervous about talking to a stranger but i needed help so i finally went. WHAT A BLESSING.
This person is trained to listen and help you to start talking about yourself. I finally found someone that understood what i am going through which is the best thing that has happened to me.
These people are here to help and no one will judge you. I was scared to give it a try at first but after my first visit i wish i had done it sooner. It helped change my life for the better.
I would see your doctor first and get some blood tests and such then ask him or her for a psychologist or two that they would recommend.
I'm pulling for you dear. Give it a try,,,there's nothing to lose,,,and it could change your entire life for the better.
Posted 3/5/2009 5:00 AM (GMT 0)
I just feel so destroyed inside. And so much full of pain. And even getting on the computer takes so much energy from me. All I seem to do is just lay in bed and cry. For hours!
Ive been living in this town for about 5 months now. I moved here for the right reasons, so I thought. But after I got here I see that the reasons were so wrong.
I was already going through depression, and also trying to deal with alot of different problems and issues.
But moving here has made my depression so much worse.
I moved here because my brother painted this nice picture (sort of speak). He convinced me of how I might need a change in my life and how great it would be if I moved over here next to him. He kept telling how we can spend all this time together and go out.
But when I moved here, the story kind of changed. In the entire time that Ive been living here Ive only seen him 2 days. And that was when I first moved here. I live in a town where I dont know anyone at all. Just him and his wife. But yet we dont even speak to each other. His wife looks down on me, so she doesnt even talk to me. But it hurts that my own brother doesnt even think of me. The holidays were the worst for me. I spent Christmas and New Years completely alone in my apartment.
Well, I took your advice. I decided to go see a doctor. Maybe he can give me antidepressants or something. My appointment is for next week.
Posted 3/5/2009 5:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Shaishai,

I am so happy that you decided to see a doctor. I think that this will really help you.

Are there places that you could go to to meet people? Like maybe a bookstore or a coffee shop? Try and find places to go where you might get to know some people. You can even meet people grocery shopping. What about doing a little volunteer work if you can, maybe at a hospital or somewhere like that.

I will try to think of more suggestions,
Best wishes to you
Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/6/2009 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Shaishai,
I see hope coming your way,,,,making that appointment to see the doctor was a great first step to getting better.
I haven't been a member here long but i've found a lot of caring folks as i read the different threads that also pertain to my own problems.
I have found it's a good place to let things out. Most times just letting it out helps us to think better about what's going on with ourselves.
It's a really good place to chat and collect your thoughts about what you want to say when you go to the doctors. It's not like sitting and chatting with an old girlfriend but she probably hasn't experienced anything like you're going through anyway. But i'll say one thing about this place,,,,There are a lot of people that can relate to you and understand.
I hope you come and chat some more.
So,,,are you able to get out and go somewhere? I really like that idea of going to a coffee shoppe.
I sometimes drive on into town and park near a coffee shop or one of those little mom and pop cafes
and take a little walk and just window shop or just walk around the block then go in and get a coffee or something and relax. Usually i'll find someone (usually an older person that's just getting out of the house also) that i can manage to talk to. Most of the time if i just mention anything about the weather it's enough to get someone started. If nothing else we talk about the weather. LOL.
Do you have any particular interests? Books, movies, crafts, etc ?
Do you currently have a job? If yes,,,how's that going?
HEY,,,,How's the weather where ever you're at ? It got to about 60 today here. Haven't seen it that warm since about november.
Everyone here is pulling for you dear so hang on till you get to the doctors.
Can't ever say when i'll be back but there always seems to be someone home here that'll try to get back to you soon.
You take care.
Posted 3/7/2009 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Shaishai,

I am so happy you decided to see a Doctor and I will be very happy once you have been to your appointment and you start to get some medical help.

You are a worthy person and you deserve to be happy.  Keep posting here as we do know where your coming from and what your going through.

Gentle Hugs to you,

Kitt

Posted 3/8/2009 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hey there Shaishai,
Hope you're still stopping by to to visit with us.  I would really like to hear how you are doing.
You deserve to be happy.  I know how it can be to hurt all of the time.
You don't have to answer any questions.  We could just chat about anything you want to.

You need a smile and i want to give you one of mine so please take this one :-) .

Haven't figured out to send a big hug yet but i'll be working on it.

you take care,,I'm pulling for you. 

Posted 3/11/2009 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Grayeagle017, Sending that smile was so nice of you! Its one of the nicest things anyone has done for me in a very long time. I havent smiled at all in so many months, but when I read that sentence you wrote it made me smile. Thanks. I havent been on here in a few days. I just felt real horrible. And yes, I do have a job. Ive been working there for about 4 months. But I get treated like crap there. What can I say, I just have problems from every angle of my life. My boss was actually just a regular employee right before I was hired. He was promoted to a manager's position a few weeks before I was hired. And I guess you can say that it went to his head. I was hired to be his assistant. Im the only one he supervises. And maybe because this is his first manager position, maybe thats why he doesnt know how to deal with being in charge. He yells at me every single day. And he calls me an idiot all the time. And even though i know he shouldnt be calling me any names period, I somehow try to understand why he does it. But I dont understand because I do exactly what he tells me to do but sometimes he words things in the wrong way.. so I do what he says exactly and then he tells me "well thats not what i meant to say". And then sometimes he yells my name to go to his office., and he yells "hurry up" so i go in and he says "pick up that paper" (a paper he dropped right by his foot) so I pick it up thinking its something he wants to give me to work on. but then he says "ok you can go now". I couldnt believe he yelled at me to hurry up and go to his office just to pick up a paper that he didnt feel like bending over and getting it himself. One day, a friend of his called and he had her on speaker and she was hearing how horrible he treats me. And I heard her say to him to be careful because I could end up quitting. And do you know what he said to her. He said "she's not going anywhere. she doesn't know anyone here. she's all alone. and besides, she would be dumb to quit with this recession going on."
And also, I do all the work. He doesnt do anything at all. He's just always on the phone or surfing the internet. And yet he takes all the credit for all the work.
And he's right. Im all alone. I cant quit. I have bills to pay. And also with this recession going on and people losing their jobs, I should somehow feel glad that I have a job right now.
And no, I havent been out and around yet. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and say to myself 'ok, today i will try to keep my mind off all of my problems for atleast a few hours and i will try to stop by somewhere, maybe the mall. But then I go to work and I have such a bad day and get all stressed out that once I come out of work all I do is cry and I cant stop. So I just come straight home and crawl into bed and just cry until I fall asleep.
I havent been on here in a few days but Im glad I did today because you made me smile. Thank you.

My first doctor's appointment is in 2 days.  Im kinda nervous about it too.

 

Posted 3/11/2009 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
Your boss is not treating you right, nobody should treat you like that. But I can understand why you don't quit, though I wouldn't blame you if you did. Just know that you are a special person and you do deserve respect. Know you are better than how he treats you. I am sorry that you are going through all of this. If you could find some way to prove it, he could likely lose his job. He is being rediculous.

Know that I am thinking of you and happy that you smiled.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/12/2009 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
Thats just plain abuse, and he could be reported.  Is there someone above him you can go to.  I would go home and cry too if I was being treated like that.  Girl, I am so sorry and actually abit angry to hear whats going on.  No one ever should be treated like that.  I will keep you in my prayers and I am glad you are going to see a doctor.

Posted 3/13/2009 1:59 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Shaishai,

Sorry i didn't get back sooner. got busy for a couple of days which is unusual for me.

Glad i was able to get you to smile.  Hey i've got lots of smiles so let's try that one more time.

Here is anonther smile wink .  Try this one on for size.  Did it fit?  Now get up, walk to a mirror,

put on this smile, look at yourself in the mirror,  now say to yourself  " I DESERVE THIS SMILE".

Go right now and then come back here.

Now hold that thought !!!

Sounds like a really stressful work place.  Could you tell me a little more about this company you work at ?   Like is it a big company or maybe a little mom and pop place ?  Are ther lots of people working there ?  If it's a big place,,do they have an employee relations department? I might have some ideas but it helps to understand more about where you work.

I use to have a very very stressful job.  It wasn't because of the people i worked with but it was the type of work i did.  But it was stress all the same. The best thing i learned was that my stress was only caused by my job. In other words i only got stressed while i was at work. I and you can only deal with the problems causing our stress while we are at work. Read that again and give it some thought. We can't fix a problem from home about our work. we can only work on that problem while we are at work.  From the time we leave work till the time we go back to work is YOUR time.  So if you can't fix a problem about work till you get back to work then why dwell on that problem during YOUR time.  Don't let that boss mess with YOUR time.  Next time you leave work to go home leave all those problems at work to deal with when you get back.  Do you realize there are 168 hours in a week and if you work 40 hours a week you only spend about a fourth of your time working.  Don't let that 40 hours mess up the other 128 hours that is YOUR time.  Do you get my drift here dear?  Deal with their problems on their time not yours.

I know shutting it off when leaving work is easier said then done but i'd sure give it a try. Worked very well in my case.

Ok,  take a deep breath, that's enough of that for now but i would like to hear your thoughts on it. 

If i understood correctly you were suppose to have seen the doctor yesturday. So how did that go? 

There's a lot of nice people here with lots of good advise but if you feel uncomfortable letting it out here or would just like to email one on one click my name for the email address.

I'm pulling for you dear,,hang in there,, You ARE going to straighten this out and get on with a having a happy life with lots of smiles.  If you work at it,,,it will come!

grayeagle017  

 

Posted 3/13/2009 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi. I am new here as well. This seems like a very compassionate place! I recently moved back to my hometown (a very small town!) after divorcing a very violent and abusive husband. I thought it would be a good thing, because this place holds good memories from my childhood and because I still know some people here. However, now I am not sure. Because it is a small place (and those of you who live in small towns will probably relate to this) everyone is all up in your business. I guess I am still so untrusting and shell-shocked that having people reach out to me feels like an invasion of privacy and is 'overkill' in a way while I am still trying to heal. I don't know if it's the stress of what I've been through recently, or the stress of the move, or the stress of my new job (working with the public), but I am totally overwhelmed. I feel like what I need to do is to have lots of time to myself in peace and quiet, but I also know that I cannot quit my job because my divorce has left me financially drained. I have suffered greatly from depression in recent years, and it seems like the only days I am okay are the days when I can totally isolate myself. That being said, I do need to talk to someone! That is why I am here. I am hoping that I can reach out to people who understand. Thanks for listening.
Posted 3/13/2009 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi raniah and welcome.
I haven't been here long myself but have found a lot of information and a lot of caring people here.
Sounds like you've been thru quite a bit in a short time. That would be rough on anyone.
This is a great place to let it out without anyone judging you. They only want to help.
How long have you been in your new place? What part of the USA or the world are you in?
I know what it's like to go thru a divorce.
We all could use some alone time now and then but i'm happy to see you're reaching out and hopefully not cutting everyone off. You'll sure find people that understand here.
Have you found any old friends since moving back?
Glad to hear from you and wish you the best.
hope you come back and talk to us some more soon.
take care dear.
grayeagle017
Posted 3/13/2009 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Raniah,

Welcome to HealingWell. Grayeagle017 is right, this is a very caring and compassionate place and nobody here will judge you. We all suffer with depression so we understand.

I live in a small town too so I understand how you feel. Everybody does want to know what is going on and if they can't find out, they will make things up. I don't associate with the people in my town, so I never hear the gossip. Though it can be lonely, I am still happier this way.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. If you would like to, start a thread of your own or post on our introductory thread. It is totally up to you.

Take care, and have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/13/2009 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
Raniah, This post is for you. I to came out of a very abusive relationship and it takes alot of time to heal. It has been 11 years I am free. I am a survior and so are you. I would like to talk withyou perhaps you could start a new thread. Denise
Posted 3/14/2009 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone – thank you for your replies.

Grayeagle: I live in the northeast in a small farming community. Yes, I have reconnected a little with some people since I’ve been back, but it’s been very uncomfortable for me. I do realize that what happened in my marriage is not my fault, yet I haven’t quite gotten past feeling ashamed that I married someone who was so awful to me. I guess I feel like I’ve made some poor choices in my life in recent years, and I feel like I don’t have things as ‘together’ as other people. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to talk about with old friends…..like they can’t really relate to what I’ve been through or why I’m having trouble moving on with my life. I think sometimes that a lot of people can’t be around others who are suffering…..do you find that, too?

Karen: Yes, that small town thing can be a problem. In my job here (part-time), I work with the public all day, so I’m surrounded by the gossip….sometimes I want to tell people to mind their own darn business (LOL). However, you’re right, sometimes avoiding people can be lonely. I guess I’m looking for a safe place to talk to people, and this seemed like the best place to start.

Baloo: Yes, I am surprised, in a way, how long this road is…..trying to get back to feeling like myself again. I wonder sometimes if I will be happy again someday. I have always had struggles with depression – during different times in my life – but there used to be happy times in there, too. I haven’t given up on it, but I guess I’m wondering if I should adjust my expectations for how this next part of my life is going to go.



I will have to do some more reading and catch up on your stories and where you’re all coming from. Thank you for welcoming me.
Posted 3/15/2009 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Raniah,
It takes two to make a marriage. Both need to work together to make it work at all. If you held up your end of the deal then there's nothing to be ashamed of. BUT i will say i know those feelings of shame even though you didn't do anything wrong. After my divorce i realized i had self dought about whether i had done everything i could have to save my marriage and that is where MY feelings of shame came from. As time went by and i thought about it for awhile i realized i did indeed do everything i could and those feelings of shame soon diappeared and never returned. Sounds like you might be able to relate to this.
together’ as other people,,,,,I've known lots of different people over the years and found it was always easy for all of them to talk to me and i'm going to let you in on a little secret,,,,,there isn't anyone that didn't have some sort of problems in their life,,,,,I realized there aren't as many people that have got it all "together"as you may think. That's one thing that makes us all human together,,,We're all struggling with things in our lives.
So you are not alone.
I also had trouble trying to talk to some people and i think is as you say "they can't really relate" but sometimes i think some just had problems of their own and couldn't handle trying to help anyone else.
I can't really blame them for that.
So i would drop the idea of talking about my problems and just talk about anything else. I found that talking about anything was better than not talking at all. Sometimes just hanging with a friend and chatting about nothing particular actually allowed me to relax because i wasn't concentrating on my problems for awhile.
Feel like i'm rambling here but hope you get the jist of what i'm trying to say.
Lots of caring folks in this same boat with us and we all want to chat so keep on coming back to visit.
take care.
grayeagle017
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