No, I havent had my physical done yet. My appointment is for the first week of April.
I can't explain what Im feeling. Its a combination of many feelings. Having no kind of happiness in my life at all, hopeless, emptiness, loneliness, sadness, disappointment with life in general, having no love at all, disappointment with family, being completely alone, having no one at all (not even 1 person), having a job that I hate going to everyday, being treated horribly every single day, financial struggles, ect...
Everything is just so overwhelming. And lately Ive been feeling anger which is not like me at all. Ive been very angry with life.
And plus the phone call from my parents really upset me on top of everything else. One thing though, Im not jealous at all of my brother. Im very glad he's doing good. I always had a close and good relationship with him, up until he met his wife. We just dont get along so thats when we started drifting apart. But im still glad hes doing good.
I just cant stand when my parents put me down and tell me how disappointed they are in me while they're telling me about how proud they are of him. I get put down all the time by the people I care most about.
I do miss my family very much. I guess thats why I answered the phone that day when I knew that I shouldnt have. I miss them alot but it seems like I need to stay away from them because every time we talk, I end up feeling worse.
And about work, I did talk with the president of the company. I went into his office on Friday. What a waste that was. I felt horrible when I walked out of his office. I told him everything. And basically, he just looked at me and smiled, like what I was telling him was entertaining to him or something. And all he did was tell me that he thinks my boss is a nice guy and this is nonsense and I must be overreacting or taking things the wrong way.
I dont know. Im just extremely overwhelmed by everything in my life.