Living with Depressed Spouse

Hi Catman,

I couldn't really tell for sure how long it took to work, because I was taking something similar to it before I started it. I was taking risperdol, but switched due to weight gain. I think I started noticing the abilify shortly after taking it, maybe even within a week. All I know is that it has helped me so much with obsessive thinking. I don't worry about things like I use to and I can focus on the present. I really do hope that it works for you. How long have you been taking it? I did like the risperdol because it was an as needed type medication. It worked almost instantly. I also took these for mood stability. Both of them really help. Risperdol doesn't cause weight gain for every body, but it did for me. I wish that it wouldn't have because it is a generic and not as expensive.

Let me know how it is working for you. I hope that it helps you.

Hugs, Karen

Catman,

Your wife should gradually start feeling the effects of the abilify. But if not, it can take four to six weeks to get the full effect. I really hope that it works for her. You are a good man to come on here to get support. A lot of partners just hope for the best and don't get involved. So Kudos to you, she is very lucky to have you. I honestly hope that the medication helps her so that she doesn't have to take the other medication. It seems that there is a lot of stuff that you can't take with an maoi. Atleast that is what I have read.

I really hope that your days are getting better. Keep supporting her and learn as much as you can about depression.

Hugs, Karen

reading some of these posts it is as if i have written them myself. It is so comforting to know that i am not alone. My S/O will be so loving and committed to me one moment, and then will push me away the next, saying he doesn't know if he wants me anymore and i'd be better off without him. It is literally as if a switch has been flicked, it can happen in a matter of seconds. Similarly he can be laughing, joking, chatting one minute, and then *snap* he will be in a deep mood, no words, no hugs or kisses, just staring into space/at the wall. It is incredibly hard to deal with and sometimes i cry myself to sleep, just longing for him to hold me, all i need is for him to hold me, but he just can't bring himself to do it, he is unable to do that at that moment. And i do try and understand i really do, i know it isn't his fault and i shouldn't get upset because it just makes things worse.

But hey, i try and go on the philosophy of one day at a time, and i always enjoy his good days so much more, i appreciate every last second.

I so feel your pain. It's exhausting being the one who has to pull things together. If I try to keep things light, "I don't understand". If I try to just listen and wight his words I am putting pressure on him. And if I don't respond to his moods I am insensitive.
Bing the support is a herculean task...give me the Aegean stables any day. Not only do you have to juggle all the things that are normal day to day life and your S/Os situation but we also have to deal with what goes on in our own heads.
like yourself I struggle daily with the am I too unattractive....etc...etc. The list of self doubts is endless.
There is also the sadness of dealing with the loss of the intimate feeling you got from your mate. Its kind of like a grieving process, except the person you miss is right there. Man, talk about having mixed emotions.
None of us have any answers, at least I sure don't. Every one and every situation is different. Its just nice to know that someone is out there who will listen.
Of course, it would be nice if there were someway to take a small vacation from all the responsibly and drama.
Good luck and dont worry. The folks in this group are the greatest. They really know how to support a friend.

Missy,

It seems as though you need to get some counseling to help you through your situation. Try to take things 1 at a time. Even saying take things 1 day at a time can sometimes be too much for me. Take things 1 minute at a time. Live in the moment. Don't get too far ahead of yourself.

And it is good that he is not physically aggressive, but it sounds like things could be boarding on psychological abuse from what you've described. So I think you do need to take steps to take care of yourself. You are #1 and you have to look out for yourself first. If you don't, you can't take care of your SO or anyone/anything else. Good luck.

OK Guys
This is probably going to sound a little crazy but I think I had a minor breakthrough.
I just got an mp3 player for my agoraphobic depressed spouse, filled it with all his favorite music and he just made it through an entire day out of the house. No it wasn't a bribe kind of thing.
My plan was every time he got over whelmed I let him back away, put in the buds and zone out.
It made the day rather stressful for me, having to field off people ect. and never knowing if the reason he didn't say anything to me was because he was in the zone, or having a "moment".
Sill he made it to a family outing without a total melt down.
Has anyone else tried this? Is it a long time solution? Or just a stop gap...let me know what you think.
Thanks

Hi all,

Just a short post. Partly because I'm not totally sure I belong here - she's not my spouse, but my girlfriend of almost a year, though we've been living together for nearly 8 months of that. Partly because I'm currently on the bed with tears trickling down my face - if I start writing it'll all come out, and I don't really think it's fair to just dump everything on you guys in my first post! All I can say is that reading some of these posts is like reading something I could have written, and the same with some of the other stuff I've just read online. It's just nice to get some confirmation that what's happening and what I'm feeling isn't unusual in these circumstances. Thanks for being so open and sharing these things, all of you.

(Sorry this is a bit incoherent - hopefully any further ones will be better!)

I am going through the same thing with my spouse and have been for over a year. I have been the supportive wife, forgiving wife, patient wife, submissive wife, etc....everything a husband could ever dream of having in a wife. My husband had an emotional affair with someone he works with and a little over a year ago told me that he had feelings for her as well as telling me about an affair that he had about 6 years ago. I, being the devoted wife that I am, forgave him for everything. We have struggled for 13 months now with me hearing everything from "I don't love you", "I don't want to be married to you anymore" to "I love you", blah blah blah. I love my husband with all of my heart and meant the words "I do". We have tried counseling, but he has quit only after three sessions. He has been told by our doctor that he suffers with depression and was put on medication only to take it for two weeks and then stop. The emotion abuse gets unbearable at times. I cannot tell you the last time I heard the words "I love you" or actually get to kiss him on the lips instead of his cheek. I have read all of the self help books including "The Love Dare" and "Save the Marriage Even If Only You Want It". I have practiced what I learned through these books, am a devout Christian and put all of our troubles in God's hands. But I am only human and my heart hurts bad and wonder just how much more I can take. I have been told that he will snap out of this and realize what he has done and eventually our marriage will be better than it ever was. Midlife crisis and depression has really taken a toll on me. Any advice will be much appreciated.