getting help is not easy

Hi everyone, I am new here and joined because I need to talk to people who understand this monster called depression. For the past several years I have been treated by my primary care physician with meds, but have not been in therapy for about 8 years. My last attempt with a therapist was not too positive, and didn't last long because he was a little too touchy feely and he creeped me out.

Today, however, after a bad night, I called my insurance provider for a list of names of psychiatrists, feeling that I should at least see someone who knows about these kinds of meds better. I am currently on the generic of Wellbutrin, a low dose, and when I try to increase the dosage to what my doctor prescribed I get weird speech interruption problems with little jaw spasms. Anyway, the first psychiatrist on the list that I was given wasn't accepting new patients, and the next one would take 2 -3 weeks to get an appointment with. I was completely frustrated by this failure, as it was so hard for me to take this step to begin with. So I tried calling my regular doctor to see about switching meds, but he won't do that without seeing me (I have an appointment in a week).
I was diagnosed about 15 years ago at the age of 34 and it was determined that I had probably been dysthymic (sp?) as a teenager and my first major episode was at 18.

I've had relapses over the years and this latest seems somewhat serious, although my thoughts of suicide are fleeting and I don't think serious. I have been married for 6 years to a man who can be verbally abusive when he drinks, and last night we had another fight. His big issue is that I don't have a libido, and sex is extremely important to him. It's always been an issue for me, in part I'm sure because of some past abuse issues at the hands of my first husband. That's a long story but needless to say, depression and meds don't help with libido. I feel I am caught between a rock and a hard place because I don't have the financial wherewithall to leave him, which I'm not even sure I want to do at this point, but I know that this issue is not going to go away so the fights and the blame and the put-downs will continue.

So I am hoping that the doctor can put me on something different that will help me at least with my head feeling so bad. Maybe if that problem is addressed, I can find the strength to face the other problems in my life.

Thanks for reading, God's blessings to you all.

Thanks, Raniah. I know I probably need to get back into therapy, but having been in it before (even before the bad experience) somehow the thought of having to start all over with someone new feels very overwhelming. But I do have a list of therapist names from my insurance co., so hopefully I can find the courage to make another call before too long. Every time one of my attempts to make an appointment fails, it feels like a rejection and I admittedly don't deal too well with rejection (even if it is imagined)...

Allison,

I'm sorry to hear of your frustration with not being able to get in to see a psychiatrist immediately.  I think it's generally a good sign if the psychiatrist is booking out a couple weeks as it means they have a good-sized practice.  While it's not a definite indicator, often it means that a lot of people really like that doctor.

If you are having thoughts of suicide at any time, maybe you could talk to the psychiatrist's scheduler to see if perhaps they could see you any sooner or if they can recommend a newer, less established colleague who could fit you in with less notice.  It is not a guarantee b/c usually the psychiatrists set up rules to decide when to take urgent cases.  Keep in mind that most of the patients who go to see a psych often feel that their problem(s) is urgent & needs attention ASAP.  Psychs who don't have any rules tend to burn out quickly.  Still, it's worth a try.  And of course if you ever get to the point where you just can't take it, you always have the option of going to an ER or a psych facility for immediate help.

I do wish you the best with everything.  Hopefully the pieces will start coming together for you soon.  I'm also wondering whether a support group might be helpful to you.  Usually there is no waiting for those.  Maybe something like Al-Anon to help you cope with your husband's drinking or a support group for domestic violence survivors to help you deal with both your past & with the occasional(?) abuse that you face in your current marriage.  Just some thoughts... I'm sure whatever route you choose will be the right one for you.

blessings,
frances

Good Morning Allison

Welcome to HealingWell and please know we are so excited to have you join us. 

I am sorry for the tough time you are going through and I hope you can get your medications tweaked.  I understand about therapists as I had one that just was not a good match.  You have to have a trust relationship with your therapist and if this is missing therapy is not going to work out.  Touchy-feely, not good.  I am glad you recognized this.  :)

I am in MN and here it may take up to 2-3 months to be able to get into a P-doc if you are not already a patient.  Many are not taking any new patients here either. 

My P-doc only deals with meds not with therapy so I must have a therapist and a P-doc.  At the moment I am not in therapy as I have been doing well with just working with the meds and  coming here for my dose of support and caring.

I hope that we are able to meet your needs.  Please do stick with us.

Hugs

Kitt

Cass,

May I ask what state your in as I do not remember ever hearing of any A.P.R.Ns in our state.  I think it is a great idea as it would solve the issue of having to have to talk to two different people who are not even in the same clinic.

Thanks for bringing this up.

Kitt

Allison, I have read your post and the others and have some thoughts.  First of all, do you feel you are on the right med?  You may need to switch to another a/d med that works better for you. Also, do keep your drs appt.  But I have found that PCPs are not as familiar with all the a/d meds and how to dose them and how to get you off them when the time comes.  I have heard stories about how people can't seem to get off their a/d meds.  That is why a P-doc is good for prescribing and then if you can find a therapist who you like you could get the help you need that way. The Psychiatric practitioner sounds like a good idea.  I have never heard of this before though I am sure they exist as Cass has said.  I see a P-doc every 6 mos for my a/d med and a regular therapist for help with problems.  This has worked out very well for me.  I have been on my a/d for about 7 yrs now and my dr is SlowlY weaning me off of it. And because we are doing it so slowly I have had no problems at all going down to a lower dose.  In fact I am now on the lowest dose of my med and I haven't been able to tell the difference. But we have been going down over a period of almost 2 years. And I don't feel down and out depressed anymore.  I still have my share of problems but nothing that is getting me into that state of not even wanting to get out of bed. I wish you the best and do post how you are feeling.

Hugs,

Aurora

Hi All,

Thank you so much for all your responses. I am struggling just getting by, trying to go to work and bide my time until I can see my PCP. My head feels so heavy and all I want to do is cry all day but I have to put on a facade while I am at work so i am exhausted at the end of the day. CassandraLee, I live in CT also, and would be interested to know who you go to if you don't mind. I felt completely disregarded by the people I talked to at the psychiatrist's offices that I called which really surprised me that they wouldn't be more sensitive to potential patients. I was feeling pretty desperate yesterday and that I had to have help "now" which is why I didn't want to wait 2-3 weeks for an appointment but I will see what my PCP says and hopefully whatever he switches me to will give me enough wherewithall to seek additional help.

Thanks again for all your support, it helps to talk.

Hi Emptyhearted.

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to my post last night; especially when I know you are going through so much yourself.

I was so surprised when I read that you are from Connecticut also.  It seems that most people I write to or chat with here are from the Midwest or England.  My psychotherapist is located in Essex, Connecticut.  However, due to forum rules and the need for everyone's safety, I can't just put her name and number on this forum.  I checked your personal info. that you provided and I saw that you do not have your e-mail on there.  I don't have mine either.  Is there anyway you could put it up beside your name?  Or perhaps if it is okay with Kitt (our forum moderator), I could e-mail the information to her and then maybe you could e-mail her too and she could forward it on to you.

Just let me know if you would like this information and if so, how you would like to go about getting it.  I truly respect my therapist and highly recommend her. 

Thanks again,

Cass