I need help

I really do need help right now and I am so disappointed that no one responds to me.  I try so hard to answer you posts and need for help and comfort.  I was hoping I would get the same as I feel I have been very thoughtful and comforting to so many of you.  If there is something about me that people don't like I would like to know and be able to correct what you think my faults are.  I respond to younger and older people alike.  Why is it that almost every time I post needing support I hardly ever get it? Or I may get a response from the same people.  What about others of you I have helped ? I am feeling like no one cares about me.

Hi Aurora,

I usually only check the forums a few times a week during the later part of the evening, so I'm sorry I didn't see your plea for help sooner. I understand how anxiety and sadness kicks in at night. I feel that way every night, which is when I am most depressed (hence my user name). I think that's why I come on here at night, so I can post and communicate with others. So if it is any help, please know that you aren't alone in your loneliness.

I think you are doing a great job of trying to be proactive about meeting new people and making plans with friends. I'm just sorry that this hasn't been easier for you. I sometimes wish we all lived closer to each other so we could all socialize! Sometimes even if I'm by myself, I feel less lonely if I'm around a lot of other people at a bookstore or a lecture. Are there any things like that happening near you? Sometimes getting on e-mail list to be updated of those things is good. Or sometimes I'll even go to a movie by myself or do my grocery shopping in the evening, as long as it's not too late or dark...safety first! Anything to get me out of the house. It's often easier for me to come home to an empty house if when I feel that I got out and learned something new or did something enjoyable.

If I don't feel like leaving the house, I sometimes do workout videos at home, which make me feel really good when I'm finished because I'm full of endorphins and feel relaxed. Also know that your boys will be back before you know it.

I'm so glad to hear your son is feeling better through therapy. You helped me very much so that I know I can heal from my broken heart. I'm still struggling a lot but I have faith that I'll feel better with time.

We're here for you!
NW

Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies.  For some reason my lonliness is worse this year.  I think it is because of the cancelled wedding and because I was so looking forward to making the plans and anticipating the big day.  I am working on this with my therapist.  And one thing that will get me through this weekend is that I see my therapist on Tues. so we will talk about it.  Sat. I made a hair appt. and getting my hair cut and done is always a pick me up. I have some planting left that I can do and of course the book store is my big help in staying out and being among people.  I do have to get through other weekends like this, like July 4th but I am going to plan way ahead of time to be sure I have things to do.  I have to learn to come to terms with getting through the summer because this always happens to me and I need a solution for getting by these months. I will look for books on how to cope with this lonliness.  It would help if I could find a part time job but there just isn't anything out there.  So again thank you for your support and I will post how I managed this weekend.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Hi MMMNavy, I so wish that watching movies would help me. I am watching TV and trying to read a magazine.  If only my problem was that easy.  It is night here and dark and I am alone in my house where I am very scared to be by myself. I'm sure it goes back to childhood when my mother scared the  daylights out of me, telling me I would be kidnapped. There was a time when I was 15 and I was home sick from school and she went to the store and left me alone. I was so frightened that someone would break into the house I hid behind some curtains in the hallway until she got back. I work very hard with my therapist on trying to get over these foolish fears but I think it takes time and a lot of work.  I am getting better than I was.  I now live in a cute little house in a neighborhood with houses close together so I am less fearful. But I always go to bed so late - until I can't keep my eyes open anymore so I drift off to sleep.  I am OK during the day. And I have something on for tomorrow but it is nightime when the demons really attack me. I can assure you I am not watching anything scary on TV! And I keep a lot of lights on all over the house.

Aurora

Hi Becky, thanks so much for your reply.  I guess we are in the same boat with our fears of being alone in the house. I'm sorry about the breakup with your boyfriend. That must make being in your house feel strange. For me it is not having anyone to talk to. My friends are all away this weekend, so no one to  call and  so far I have not gotten the dog to say more than arf to me. I am also not working, not by choice but because I can't find a job and I have been looking a long time. I jusr want part time but those are hard to come by. I guess we will have to manage the best we can.  I know that acceptance is the key but not easy to do. Take care of yourself and any time you want to chat just post me and I will reply.  I guess we both have high electric bills!

Hugs,

Aurora

Aurora,
I saw your post and wanted to offer something. I had an "unpleasant" experience in college (date rape) and have determined that it will never happen to me again. I have always kept at least two big dogs. Right now I'm sharing my domain with a large pit bull/boxer and a black lab. These girls collectively weigh about 170 lbs. and are gentle with my toddler granddaughter and all teeth and big bark when someone rings the bell.

Not only this, but they need walks, feeding, petting, loves, and especially being talked to. When everyone has left and I'm all alone they are my salvation. Always "on guard", I have no worries with them in the house. Last year in our town there was a serial killer on the loose preying on women in their 50's -60's. He was finally run off at his last victim's home by a little dog that bit him. She was safe and he was apprehended and convicted because of the dog bite evidence!!!

My dogs are trained to remain in the kitchen and downstairs family room so that most of the living space here is "dog free". Could you get a pet?

Jeannie,

I know what you mean about the dogs. I have two and I feel very safe with them. They also keep me company so I am not lonely. I don't know what I would do without them.

They also like their walks which is good for me too.

They are a part of my family.

Hugs, Karen

JoCal, you have very much misinterpreted my post.  I am a person of great faith and belief in God.  But what you are interpreting as my incorrect thoughts is completely wrong.  I am not dependent on my friends for hapiness. In fact I am a person who does many things to help others.  I do a lot of voluteer work in my community.  And that is the type of thing that makes me feel good about myself as I am helping others and I know how much they appreciate it. I vey much enjoy nature and live near a beautiful forest preserve with wonderful walking paths.  I suffer from depression which I assume you do too as you post here on this forum.  I enjoy ( not depend on)  the company of my family and friends and they do make me happy as we have many wonderful things to share. I don't know how one can face life if they have no friends or family and just isolate themselves. I suffer from lonliness in my home at night due to abuse that happened to me as a child. I am in therapy so what you have suggested is your own interpretation. If you had read other posts of mine you might understand me better.  I think you are completely wrong in telling me to change my thoughts. My thoughts are my thoughts and no one else's.  I find your post to me to be insulting as you are someone who does not know me. You are incorrect for judging me in such a way as you did.

( and moderators, if you want to call me on the carpet for standing up for myself, well I can't help it.  I feel this was a very negative post to my problem)

Aurora

Post Edited (Aurora60) : 5/24/2009 12:05:48 PM (GMT-6)

Thank you Karen for understanding my position.  I have lived a lot of life, have seen and experienced much in my 63 years and I guess when you get to be my age you develop a strong back bone. I am enjoying my day, outside and planting the last of my garden which is so beautiful this year.  It will make my summer much more special to see the work I put in. And I am sure your garden is spectacular this year. Take care.

Many hugs,

Aurora

MMNavy, some thoughts on your post.  It has been many years since I have been to the summer home and I am way over that.  I love for my sons to go as they adore their grandparents and don't get to spend that much time with them.And I am on good terms with my ex. As far as the house I couldn't live in a safer neighborhood and my neighbors are all close. If I go out and it will be dark when I come home I do have the lights on timers.  I think you don't grasp the concept that I am not a person who likes to be alone with no one to talk to.  I don't necessarily think of it as a flaw.  I am a people person and I talk, probably more than I should. I have always had pets so the dog is not for a security issue.  Yes, it's true I have issues from the past.Yes, I am sad my son's wedding is cancelled. But he is a remarkable person, intelligent, has a wonderful job and great personality.  I know he will find someone special.  You need to understand that when a couple has been together 4 yrs, has a wedding all planned and it breaks up so fast there is quite a bit of sadness.  And no, I don't visit a child like poor Kitt does.  However, I do go to the cemetery to visit my parents, grandparents, and both my sisters who both died at young ages, one killed by a drunk driver. So I know the sadness of missing family. I miss my sons on these weekends as they are my only family. The issues I have from the past are due to abuse suffered as a child.  Were you emotionally and physically abused by a parent because you were scared to go in the basement?  I was the good child so I mostly suffered emotional abuse but my 2 sisters were beaten to a pulp by my mother. When she was angry with them she would take their toys and smash them on the floor. I saw my mother slap my grandma so hard my grandma fell on the floor sobbing.  I do have many friends, however they were away this first weekend of summer. I do a lot of volunteer work where I know I am truly appreciated and that makes me happy. And I love my garden and walks in the forest preserve. I am content with my life. I am not looking for some great hapiness to come my way.  But I post here because I am depressed.  The same mother who abused us, I took in to my home for 10 years because she was elderly and sick.  I am so far a 3 yr cancer survivor. I see a therapist to help me with the depression. I think you misunderstand my post.  I am not looking for something I don't have. I have more than so many and for that I am grateful. When I wrote the post I simply was looking for some support and someone to converse with. I think you are reading far too much into what I said. This weekend I got my hair done, always a relaxing and fun thing for me.  I bought a few more plants and finished my garden and I went and browsed at the bookstore. So I am able to fill my time when I am alone. But depression can get you when you least expect it and can throw you way off.  I am not looking for true hapiness in life. I don't think of that as something to strive for,rather I am looking for peace and contentment. And hopefully I will achieve that.  I hope that you understand better what my thoughts and feelings are. I appreciate you offering advice to help me.

Dear Korissa, you are my fellow companion in our lonliness.  I know just what you mean when you have been out and had a great day and the next there is nothing to do and it feels so bad. We seem to have a lot of things in common and I too am looking for a part time job as well but as you probably know they are few and far between.  I guess most companies or places are looking for fulll time employees.  Don't they know that with us part timers they don't have to give any benefits?  Too bad we don't live near each other, we could be great buds.  Anyway, I hope the rest of your weekend will be good for you and keep posting. I am always happy to talk with you.  Take care. By the way I had gotten hooked on sudoku puzzles until they drove me nuts.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora

Dear HW friends, I want to thank you all for being so supportive of me this weekend. My sons are coming home today and we will have a nice dinner and life returns to normal whatever that is.  I actually came through this weekend very well.  I was out during the day and kept very busy at night and did not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I was alone. Having a good book to read also helps.  An it is great to have a dog, he is really good company and I can actually talk to him and he makes little noises and moves his head and ears so I know he is listening in his own doggy way.  I just don't like it when he barks at night because then I am looking out the windows to see if someone is there. Of course it is usually a neighbor coming home.  I think this was a hard weekend for me as I know my son is still hurting so much and that hurts me.  I wish I could just take all his pain and keep it inside me. But he is doing all the right things, keeping busy at work, seeing his friends, joining some sports teams this summer and reminding himself of all his ex did to him to push him away. And he knows he will meet the right person some day. So again I can't thank you enough for helping me.  It has taken me many years to get to the place I am now which is much improved over the last several years.

Many hugs,

Aurora