Hello Shellm,
Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. I am so glad you found us.
It does feel to me like you have some self esteem issues.
“Low self-esteem is often characterized by an "inner critic," which is a part of you that constantly berates your efforts and belittles your achievements. Sometimes an inner critic takes on the voice of a victim ("no one will give me a chance") or a perfectionist ("I should be doing better than this"), but the end result is an ongoing drag on your self-esteem. You can counter negative self-talk by first recognizing it for what it is and then
responding to it with positive counterstatements.
Look for instances where your inner critic generalizes unduly, is unremittingly harsh or makes statements that don't hold up to logic. Then write down a series of positive counterstatements that redress those criticisms. They should always involve upbeat phrases and avoid negative words like "not," "no" or "can't." Keep them in the present tense and always use first-person statements (using "I" instead of your name). Draw up a list of them and practice saying them readily. When your inner critic starts to berate you, respond with the appropriate counterstatement every time. Eventually, your counterstatements will arise naturally in your mind whenever your inner critic gets going, keeping the negativity in check.”
Try working on changing your feelings of "I am not worthy" to "I am worthy".
We are all worthy and all equal so remember to be kind to yourself first.
Gentle Hugs
Kitt