What is wrong with me?

Hi Allmylife, I'm glad you came here to post. Yes, I have experienced the feeling of not being good enough, and I'll bet a lot of people here can relate to that feeling, too. Even though you are on medication, I wonder if it might help to talk with a counselor/therapist? Medications have their place, but they don't teach us how to develop our sense of self-worth and help us to figure out what our destructive thought patterns might be. I see a therapist for those issues, and she has really helped me a lot. I hope you will consider it. In the meantime, please try to cut yourself some slack, and take a bit of time for yourself if you can, in between the laundry and picking up the toys. It's really important, especially when you're caring for others, to also care for yourself. I hope you'll come back and post with us again.....this is a wonderful group to talk to.

Hi Allmyllife, I agree with what Karen and Raniah have told you.  You may need different meds than the zoloft.  I think it would be wise to get an evaluation from a psychiatrist to see what might help you more.  I am divorced so don't have a husband to pick up after but my  35 yr old son lives with me and I feel I am always picking up after him.  I finally put my foot down and said my house, my rules. He now must pick up anything that is in a part of the house other than his room. I would suggest that you tell your family that you are not their personal maid and they need to pick up after themselves. I would give out consequences for not doing as they should. My son is not allowed to use the big TV in the rec room if he leaves a mess. I know he is a little old to be told what to do but I think we all need to stick by certain family rules.  And if you make say a suggestion that they pick up after themselves and don't do it for them then you too have to follow thru and pick up after yourself. But you may get them to see what a hard job you have taking care of them and the household as well as working. If they are left to see their own mess they may cooperate more.  It's worth a try anyway. If your husband has to be accountable for himself then maybe you won't have too many arguments. I was married for quite a while but my husband was a neat freak so I never had that problem. I wish you the best and hope something works for you. Keep posting so we know how you are doing.  Take good care of you.

Aurora

Thanks for all of the advice.  My major issue is not with the clutter (although it doesn't make me happy).  My main issue is not feeling good enough, personalizing everything to be negative, seeing the glass half empty...that kind of thing.  I have an appointment with a psychiatrist but unfortunately there wasn't any close by that have any availability until next Thursday.

Hi Allmylife, I'm really glad you were able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. That's so good. I know it's hard to wait when you want to see someone right away, but Karen is right....you have us to talk to until then. Please keep posting, and know that there are people here who care. I know you will get through this!

Shellm,

I've met with my psychiatrist (only had one visit so far) and he increased my dose of Zoloft from 50mg to between 150mg and 200mg.  He said that the 50mg doesn't really help many people that much.  It's been almost 2 weeks since I changed the dose and I do feel a difference.  No the world isn't all sunshine and roses but I am feeling better.  I also started reading a book called "Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns M.D. and started doing the workbook that he also wrote titled "Ten Days to Self Esteem".  The logic behind his method of therapy is cognitive thinking and that the way we feel is a direct result of the way we think.  Changing our way of thinking will affect the way we feel.  Thinking more positively will make you feel more positive about yourself.  I haven't gotten very far into it yet, but I can say that it has helped just knowing that there are so many other people out there that have the same negative feelings that I do and have used these resources.

 

I'm set up with a therapist in the psychiatrists office and will start seeing her tomorrow.  I look forward to having someone to speak with in person since I don't talk to anyone else about my feelings out of embarassment.

 

Good luck to you...keep me posted on how you are doing.

allmylife ~ thanks so much for the update! :) I've thought about you a lot. I'm happy to hear things are getting better. I found the books you mentioned on amazon.com and will order them for myself. They sound like they will be very helpful. Please keep intouch.... I feel a connection with you since your post was as if I wrote it.

I went back to my doctor, in addition to the Wellbutrin he wants me to add Buspar twice a day and xanax as needed. I've also been seeing a psychiatrist once a week. It's been about three weeks and I can tell a difference. I still have the I'm not good enough feelings but they don't seem to be as bad.    

I'm so glad I read your post, it is comforting knowing someone else has my exact same feelings. I thought I was the only one in the world that felt this way. It gives me hope for myself! :)

I pray you will continue to get better, please keep intouch.