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Self harming, and suicidial thoughts

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Posted 6/21/2009 11:22 AM (GMT 0)
 

Does anyone else have problems with both of these.. It was the first time i became really depressed, and only in the past year , maybe a bit longer ,im thirty now.As ive mentioned before i dont have any good days. I live with my mum and dad and they are all i have in my life, they try to help and understand but i wont let myself show my emotions in front of them, so im good at hiding myself, until recently i ve been unable to hide They sort of know the pain im in now but usually dont ask me , and leave me alone when im having a bad day... I dont always like this

because i want to talk or usually want just a hug, i dont know its hard for them , and i wish i was a better person for them, i feel like a loser, the odd one out.

 Im hoping with seeing a new therapist, i will be able to talk about these intese feelings of hatred towards myself Wow it feels good to share all this

Edit:

I am sorry for the edit, please see me post.  I had to edit per our rules.

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 6/21/2009 6:59:21 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/21/2009 1:10 PM (GMT 0)

Dear cme,

I am so sorry for editing your post but to stay compliant with the rules of HW it was necessary. 

Discussions of suicide or self-harm  are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others.  We have members as young as 13 on the boards. 

I did read all of your post and I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so low.  I would really like to see you trust your parents enough to talk with them and let them in on how you are feeling.  As you stated at the end of your post it feels so good to get it out.............do give them a chance to help you.  Also you are a very worthy person and therapy is a wonderful choice so please do seek help.

I am going to post some phone numbers for you should you feel you are in a crisis situation.

The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

Always remember that you can go to an Emergency Department in any hospital or call 911 if you feel you are in imminent danger to yourself.

I am worried about you and hope you know that we do care here in HW. 

Gentle hugs,

Kitt

Posted 6/22/2009 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi CME, I agree with Kitt that you should try talking to your parents and give them a chance. Perhaps they are not saying much because they are waiting for you to come to them. I know you have an upcoming appointment with a new therapist soon, and I hope you can hang in there and be hopeful about that. Thanks for continuing to reach out to us, and know that we really care about your well-being. Please keep us posted.
Posted 6/22/2009 5:17 AM (GMT 0)
Im sorry, about about that i wasnt thinking clearly. It just came out.
No my parents are not the ones to help me, i have asked but they cant really handle it. Im ok with that, i have to be.
its funny you should say hang in there..... thats all i seem to be doing.....hanginging in there... one day at a time etc
Posted 6/22/2009 6:26 AM (GMT 0)

cme1007 said...
its funny you should say hang in there..... thats all i seem to be doing.....hanginging in there... one day at a time etc

Thats fine- one day at a time, one foot infront of the other literally- sometimes i feel like im living a minute at a time, but hey- im living it. So please do hang in there. we`care about you.

Maz XX

p.s fellow Aussie!

Posted 6/22/2009 6:27 AM (GMT 0)
cme, I'm concerned for you, and I'm guessing we're in the same country and time zone. You said you're finding it hard to get through each day: do you have a routine you can follow, or something you can look forward to? It doesn't matter if it's just a decent tv show; anything non-harmful that helps to get us through each day is a good thing.

Ivy.
Posted 6/22/2009 7:06 AM (GMT 0)
Maz, thanx for caring, i will try to let that sink in X0
Posted 6/22/2009 7:18 AM (GMT 0)
hello, Ivy
Same time zone ...great! Most of my days are the same. Im not working anymore, some days i miss that.., especially the contact with other people, even though i struggled with that contact.Look i really wish i did have things to look forward too, but honestly i dont. I just try to occupy my mind, and dont think...ha.....ha.... !!!!. Going to sleep is the hardiest part cause my mind just races.
Im stuck with bad thoughts in my head ,so some days all i want to do is lay in bed and watch the tv. I do get out a bit with my mum, just to have a change of scenery so to speak, thats feels good sometimes.
Posted 6/22/2009 7:35 AM (GMT 0)
cme, watching tv isn't necessarily a bad thing. At least it's a start, and it's showing that you can still have some engagement with the outside world. What shows do you like to watch? (Even if you don't like any of them, you must have a preference, given that you have a few choices each hour. Which show do you watch more often than others?)

I can relate to your troubles falling asleep. Let me guess, you dread going to bed because you know you won't sleep, the lack of sleep makes you tired and makes the next day even harder to face...?
Posted 6/22/2009 7:46 AM (GMT 0)
Ivy, yeah i do dread going to sleep. I can fall asleep , but cant stay asleep, its been a problem for years. I dont know when the last time was that i had a good nights sleep. Usually i can cope ok the next day, cause i dont have anything i have to do.
I hate the outside world , so tele is the only reality to keeps me going some days.
I enjoy medicine, so medical shows are a favourite.
I like shows that involve helping others.
We dont have many comedy shows, but i will watch them if im in the right frame of mind.
XX
Posted 6/22/2009 7:58 AM (GMT 0)
Excellent! It sounds to me as if you have a genuine, sustainable interest there. Really, I think you're being hard on yourself. You're not just mindlessly watching tv; you're educating yourself by watching medical shows, and inspiring yourself by watching uplifting tv. Good for you!

Do you ever hop on the internet after you've watched a medical show to read more about some of the illnesses and procedures they show there? Or do you get the medical books out of the library and read them too?

I'm guessing you're in Australia; are you?
Posted 6/22/2009 8:25 AM (GMT 0)
aw.....thanx. yeah im tough on myself,
im a giver , i prefer to give to others, but dont receive to well.
Yes im in Australia
Posted 6/22/2009 8:28 AM (GMT 0)
:-) So am I.

I know it can be really hard *not* to be hard on yourself when you're feeling low... and hard, too, to be a person who likes to give but not have the energy to give as much as you'd like?
Posted 6/22/2009 8:45 AM (GMT 0)
me too, australia. maybe a brisk ride, brisk work, helps to negate bad thoughts. keep fightin' yeah hanging in there is big stuff, i respect that! jamie
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