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Posted 6/22/2009 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hello. I'm new here. I just posted a thread on the bipolar forum, but I figured I should post on this forum as well, as what I experience may be a form of depression rather than manic depression.

I suspect I have a form of bipolar disorder because I have severe (and often extremely rapid) mood swings, but I feel depressed far more often than I feel manic. I have battled with depression (whatever form it is) since adolescence, and I am in my mid-20s now. Last year I began to experience a turnaround, but now I'm back where I was. In some ways I'm worse.

I'm constantly fatigued, distracted, irritable, lonely, and anxious. I have a dead-end part-time job which I hate, I'm still living at home because I lack the funds to move out, and I have few friends to help alleviate the burden of life. I'm a college graduate, and did very well in that endeavor, but my degree has not turned into a job yet, which further depresses me, because I need to move out on my own. I don't even own a car due to my lack of money.

Anyway, I've got to take the bus to work in a few minutes, but I just wanted to introduce myself and talk about why I'm here. Thanks for reading.
Posted 6/22/2009 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

I wanted to welcome you to the forum. You have come to a good place where everybody is very kind and compassionate. Also we all understand what you are going through.

I wonder if a mood stabilizer might help you. I take abilify and it helps me a lot. It also helps with obsessive thinking, which I have a lot of. I hope that you can talk to your doctor and find what is right for you. If you want to go that route.

Also counseling really helps a lot. I think that you would benefit from that. Also coming here where people can understand what you are going through.

Please keep posting. I understand about the job. I have a sort of dead end job too. But I haven't worked in nine years for anybody and it is a challenge. I am slow too, so that doesn't help. But I am trying.

Keep posting and reading here, and remember we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/22/2009 8:57 PM (GMT 0)

Hi- and welcome.

Alot of what you said resonated with me. Although my college degree is being put to good use (im a high school teacher) i also had to move back home after splitting with my ex as i lack the funds to rent by myself. Although i teach, its permanent part time, due to my crappy health, so i have no savings. I am blessed to have many friends, but i live along way from them, and while i make the effort to drive hours to see them, they rarely return the favour- busy lives etc. (They always manage to get me to come to them- they all live in the city and im almost in the country.) I have a car, but it was made in 1996- my senior students drive better and nicer cars than me. I feel like a total failure at 29yrs of age. BUT: i should look at the positives: I have somewhere to live (even though it cramps my style somewhat!) I have a job where I make my own money, be it a small paycheck, i still know i worked hard for it, I have people who care and i am certain you have people who care about you. Try and hold on to the small positives and take each day one step at a time. Are you trying to pursue a career that goes with your qualifications?

Keep us posted, welcome again and all the best-

Maz XX

Posted 6/23/2009 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses.

In regards to getting by's suggestion, I am philosophically opposed to taking medication, which does limit my treatment options. It's always been a big part of my character that I avoid drugs of any kind - illicit, alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, etc. I never take medicine unless it is absolutely necessary in order to treat a physical ailment. Counseling is more my style, but I'm not sure I can afford it, and I'd like to try to avoid it until I have no other choice. Thanks for the welcome.

In response to Mazfire, it's an interesting coincidence in that I'm looking for a high school teaching job myself, but it would have to be full-time. In my state, teachers get paid a very decent salary (well enough that I could move out and live comfortably). But it's a fallback career since I got rejected from graduate school. Since I technically didn't complete a secondary education minor (I completed all but a student teaching program) the license I applied for is somewhat limited, although I can be hired for a normal teaching position if they want me. I would just eventually have to upgrade my license. Also, charter schools might be a potential avenue. My lack of transportation limits the cities in which I can initially work, however. And the economic crisis further limits the pool of jobs.

Anyway, thanks again for the welcomes.
Posted 6/24/2009 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
Be patient with yourself. Getting a job these days is tough. I find it helpful when I am going through one of my bouts of dep

ression to celebrate the small victories. You may not have gotten a job but you sent a resume out or looked at some ads in the paper. If we beat ourselves up it only deepens our depression. I am a newcomer also to the forum, but have found a lot of help in people's replies and in sharing. Take care, Duck  

Posted 6/25/2009 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
hi h.h.t. i am jamie, male 37.

sorry busy doing some community work. i see you have been given some excellent feedback. in knowing what is happening with you shows great insight, yeah tough when depression hits hard, but you have done really well by posting on both forums. depression, as you stated comes in many forms, via all environments and does not discrimnate. could bp1, bp2? need to inform the doc of what you are going through and what you have posted, as this will help with effective treatments and or in dx. i wish you well. jamie

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Posted 6/25/2009 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Since you do not want to go the medication route, and counseling isn't really an alternative for you, how about meditation. Maybe getting some self help books on CBT. The "New Mood Therapy" By Dr. Burns is a good book and there are many others. Mindfullness and taking one day at a time is another option.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/25/2009 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
getting by

Thanks for the tip on the book.

I have tried meditation before. I found it difficult to attempt it for years because I had an extremely hard time quieting my mind. It's a horrible chatterbox in there. I am not a naturally relaxed person, and have a fair degree of anxiety, so that doesn't help either.

But a few months ago I did try some "creative visualization" meditation for a specific goal - moving into my own apartment. I kept this up nightly until I got hit by a severe dose of my seasonal allergies, and found that there was no way I could meditate while feeling like that. The coughing was the worst, and that lingered for a while. So I got out of the habit, but I've been meaning to pick it up again.
Posted 6/25/2009 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
Since you have done it before, you should have no trouble picking it up again. I am glad that you are going to. Meditation helps me go to sleep at night. And the more you practice, the better you get at it. Infact they say that practicing is doing it. I know how hard it is to clear your mind though.

Best wishes to you and keep on trying.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/25/2009 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks. I did order the book you recommended, by the way. I got it very cheaply off Amazon, so it can't hurt to check it out.
Posted 6/25/2009 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
Good deal H&HT,

I am glad that you ordered the book. I think that you will really like it. I read it back in the 80's. And ordered it again a couple of years ago. It has been around for a long time and it is a very helpful tool.

Keep up the good work. I know that you can do this. Just keep trying.

Best wishes to you,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/26/2009 12:40 PM (GMT 0)
good on ya karen and you to h.h.t. meditation is beautiful, mindfulness practice is really worth a crack too. all the best. jamie. cool
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