Bella,
In the winter of 2006 I felt exactly like you and I cried and I wondered why me, and I begged God to make me better. Mornings were always bad for me.
I was in therapy and my husband would drive me. I tried many different ADs and I finally pulled out of the deep depression but I understand how awful you feel.
The best thing I can tell you is that you will get better. If you give up the looking back at the past and how you used to be it will help you. You have a wonderful future but now you have to work harder at being happy and learn how to deal with the feelings of sadness that overcome you.
Time keeps on moving and we all keep changing but change can be good. I look at pictures of myself and wonder where that woman went. Then I remember I am the same person just a new version. I now have to work hard at feeling good and enjoying life.
I know you will find your way if you keep remembering to stay in the moment.
I am a great believer in staying in the moment which I learned in therapy. We spend much time thinking about what was and what could have been. And we spend much time projecting into the future and wondering about what may happen. This way of thinking is indeed a great way to make much of your life a lot more miserable and limited than necessary. The key to solving this problem is of course to live as much as you can in the only moment that you ever really live in and control. This moment right now.
Bless you my friend and I wish you peace.
Kitt