Feel like screaming

So I've been going through some rough times these past few months.

I was friends with a girl who only cared about herself.

I was raped when I was 16 I am now 20, and I never talk about it.

I felt strong enough to talk about it with her and she said 'Chele, whats going on in my life right now is much more important!' when all she was complaining about was how her adopted parents are soooo mean to her and treat her like trash. but thats just her looking for attention! IRL her parents love her and cherish her, and shes so selfish to realize it.

But she hurt me real bad.

I sometimes look for compliment, just to feel better when I'm done.

Never got them from her.

I write, and I asked her to read it, and she through a fit!

That hurt just as bad.

I'm no longer friends with her, but everyone was blaming me for her and her ex breaking up, when they were just to immature to be together! it was their fault not mine!

I want to talk about the rape!

I want to vent!

I want to scream!

no one lets me talk about stuff, they said 'its in the past get over it!'

and that hurts me so very much.

I'm really a sweet, girl whos sensitive, kind, caring, loving, protecting, and strong.

but people keep wanting to think that I'm their scape goat!

 

I jsut really want someone to talk too.

So I've always been everyone's go to girl.

I'm the one my true friends come to and cry.

Because they know I won't judge them.

And I never will.

They know I've been hurt before, and they know that I keep stuff hidden deep down inside.

 

But now here recently, I just don't want to bother others with my problems.

My BFF just moved in with her mom and her mom's psycho boyfriend.

And my other BFF's baby's daddy is a moron and is making her life hell. He's girlfriend if thats what you want to call her, has been letting her son beat up on my friends daughter!

and my other friend has moved far far away and changed into someone I don't even know anymore!

 

 

 

So I've run out of people to talk too.

My boyfriend is always working, or sleeping, or we're just to plain busy to chat about these things.

I want to get over my problems before I can truely help my friends with theirs!
I have never turned away people who are in need of help.

So, ya no comments or anything.

Not much a person can really say back.

I've been taking steps to get better.

I've forgiven my ex for what he has done to me.

I've become more truthful to nate (the ex friend's ex)

and I stopped caring about Cat.

She needs help that I can no longer provide.

I'm on vacation with my boyfriend.

I've been working out to keep myself busy, and not think about it.

And everytime I get upset, i either clean, cook, or workout!

And praying at night to God to make me better.

Today has just been to stressful for me.

I am home sick, and I miss my boyfriend, hes at work.

I'd rather not go and see someone for my problems.

Last time I did that the doctor gave me meds that ruined my life.

I lost my emotions because that doctor was convinced that I was a *****, which i am not.

So I feel that I am better off dealing with it my way.

A healthier way.

Hi Micki,

You sound like a very kind and caring person that others go to when they need somebody to talk to. And you are right that you need to help yourself first before you can help others. Now is your time. See if a nearby mental health agency has a program for people who can't afford to go.

I am feeling that you are hurting and need somebody to talk to. Somebody who is a professional, so check that out. And in the meantime we are here for you. We will support you all the way.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen