Way stressed

I need some advice.  I am pretty stressed out, with work and family.  Several weeks ago my dad had surgery for a hernia.  He came home the next day.  He ended up in the ER 4 times in less than 2 weeks after coming home.  The first 3 were related to his surgery.  The last time he had a minor heart attack.  He is back home now.  He is getting forgetful.  Since I manage an apartment complex, I am suppose to be living out there.  I do.  However since the first part of June I have been staying at his house.  It is about a half hour drive each way to work each day.  That is not too bad, and my sister has been in town to help out.  She will be going back home this weekend.  I worry about when I am at work that he will call me and I will have to leave.   I have been having stress with my job for a while.  I love my job.  Both my t and my pdoc say that when I leave work, I need to forget about work.  Easier said than done.  I love my bosses and they consider me family but I feel like I am disapointment to them.  I go over to their house often.  When ever I do or talk to them on the phone all they want to do is talk shop.  It is ok some of the times, but sometimes I would like to talk about other things.  She and I sometimes have a different outlook on life, and different ideas, and thoughts.  Sometimes she gets upset with me or disagree's with me.  For example, I mentioned I got an e-mail from someone on facebook that I did not recognize but opened it to see who it was before confirming I knew her.  It turned out it was a high school classmate of mine.  My boss told me I should not open those type of things.  Not sure why.  Another example was today, she called me just as I was ready to leave for a dr. appt.  I was in a hurry  and was talking fast.  I lost my train of thought and she seemed upset and I said I was fine and she insisted I was not fine and that I should not be driving.  That h as happened one time before.  I know what condition I am in.  I appreciate her concern but it bothers me when she (or others) tells me how I am or how I feel when they have no idea.  I do not know how to handle it.  I tend to get upset and sometimes end up in tears.  I grew up being told that if anything happened between me and anyone else was my fault.  I am me.  I have ADHD and get flustered easily.  I do my best but never feel like I am good enough because everyone else knows how I am doing or feeling and I don't.   That just makes things worse.  I live in constant fear that I will lose my job (despite I have been told that will not happen), live in fear of doing something wrong.  I don't know how to handle this at times.  I am not really sure I am making much sense.

Chelsi

Hi Chelsi, It’s natural that you would be stressed out about your dad, after all the ER visits following his surgery and the minor heart attack as well. Health issues can be really scary, especially when it concerns someone we love. Is there anyone else who can help to care for him when your sister goes back home? That is a lot to handle, when you are working and need to manage the apartment complex on top of it. I have cared for several family members over the years, and it does become stressful and exhausting. I hope you have other support to rely on. As far as work goes, it can be really tough when you have a close relationship with your boss. It sounds like the boundaries have been crossed between work and personal, and your boss is butting into your life a little too much, in an inappropriate way. It’s hard to go back once the line has been crossed, but honestly, if your boss is upsetting you this much, and getting too personal with telling you how you are feeling and whether or not you should be driving, you may have to politely suggest that you don’t feel comfortable with those comments. Perhaps with the stress of looking after your dad and trying to juggle everything, you should take a step back from socializing with your boss so much. That is just my opinion, and I say this out of concern for you. You have a lot on your plate. You mentioned seeing your pdoc….is that just for meds, or do you get counseling as well? If not, I think it might help to have that additional support. Please keep posting with us and let us know how it’s going. Take care of yourself, and best wishes for your dad’s condition. (((hugs)))

Hi Chelsi, I think you have a good perspective on this. It sounds like your boss is interfering out of concern, so at least you know where it is coming from. I hope you will be able to find a way to gently let her know that you are okay, and need to handle some things on your own. I had that situation once with an older person in my life, and the way I remedied the problem was to explain that I was trying to build my confidence and learn how to handle problems by myself, and that they would be doing me a favour by letting me spread my wings a little and try things on my own. Maybe you could try that approach. If she thinks she is helping you by backing off a little, it might do the trick.