please listen

 i ran away once i will tell you more later and i got conerd in my step dads room nothin happend my bro came to my aid. my father died on june twenty six 2007 and i was just getting to know him see he wasnt really there for alot of my life now and he was trying to make it right but i guess drinking and driving will shut everything down. but more later. i fell in lve with a girl name Becky she was amazing. but we never dated. she ended up moving to virginia an then over the phone she told me she liked me. **** i could have used that a year earlyer. but then i tried t get over her but it still hurts and it hurts like hell. then i went to this girls co. ed. sleep over for her b-day that was fun i had a crush on her but i found out that we were related by marrige so i lost all feelings for her i think but i like her cause she hot. thats probly bad. but i met a girl at the party and we became best friends we talk about everything and i thought i would never feel like this ever again but i fell for her. do you know how it feels to see the girl you love with someone els. t hurts like hell. no joke.  but i told her about my feelings for her evan though she has a BF (boyfriend). but she doest feel the same. ill tell you more later. and i started playing guitar like 4 years ago and could never write anything and thats more to add to the fail boat cause i love music and it sucks that i cant write anything. but later for now and if you have any advice for the lil part you herd here i could use alot and if you would please listen to me some more maybe i could get some more advice. i would really like to have someone to talk to and someone to share there story with me but i dont know how much help i could be cause im young and inexperienced.

well i am young and i know theres alot ahead, im going to be striaght up with you im really stubern and i cantspell. lol

but i dont want to find someone els cause if it backfires then i feel like this again but wores cause it adds another girl that i think about and i cant take any more its killing me already. and its not just love but its a very big part of it. my mom has been in and out of the hospital like once a year cause she oes into this crazy state cause shes bi polar. and when she came back this time she came back changed. like she stayed in that alter ego but its not as bad as it as but shes not getting better and i just cant stay hee any more i mean i can but i really dont want to cause sh drives me insane and i dont need that over top of this. and if she goes back next year i dont think she'll make it his time and it scares me cause then i would have lost both of my parents and if not put in foster care i will probly have to move and then i will never see my friends again and i would never see Kelsey again. it wasnt easy loosing my dad causehe really wasnt there alot of my life but he was trying to make it right i was starting to spend time with him. just spending the night and watching movies but i remember one time we actually played basketball. the first time we played basketball. and he even took me to a basketball game i think it was collage. but it was fun to be there with him. but now sence he was being a dummy and he got drunk and behind the wheel and crash and died. i dont know if i blame him or God. but i dont know what to do anymore. and i dont really care if it doesnt go the way i want it but as long as it doest go the complete opposite. and things have been going wrong sence i was 8 or 9 and hasnt changed and i dont believe it will turn around. and to tell you the truth i dont want the girl f my dreams i want her (Kelsey).

i really appreciate youtaking the time out of your day just to talk to me and listen and i hope you keep talkin cause i have really know one to talk to. well i have people but i dont feel comfertable with talkin to them.

i understand the story completely and its ver clever.

and i hope that one day i will get how im suposed to get myself together and see how the morle of the story applies to me and i cant wait.

thanks for the advice man and if you wanna here everything thats going on with me and if there is more advice i could really use it. thanks again.

-Brandon

Edit: I changed the color of your post as the other color was extremely difficult to read.

Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/6/2009 11:03:09 AM (GMT-6)

i wish taking the time to do the stuff i like would help but thats music and music reminds me of her. i would love to take a bike ride but i dont have a bike. and no money to get a new one. and i never have the energy,im so tired all the time. i like to play basketball but i rarely do it cause i dont have anyone to play with. and the parks are filled with drug dealers and gansters and ganster wanna be's.

thank you for your advice. i need it bad i know im not changing my oppinion but i do listen and i take your advice and i will get out of this fase but i know that i wll get back in it. its just i start thinging abot my father and that added on to me loving someone and them not loving me back just hits the trigger and puts me in this state. but thanks and i just really needed to tr to talk to someone about it cause im tired of keeping it in.

Brandon, I can remember being your age. All my feelings were so much stronger and on the surface than they were later, even by the time you're 20. I know it sounds soooo lame when adults say this stuff, but these things (like heartbreaks with girls) really are tougher when you are younger because of your body's complex chemistry. It might help a little to think about it this way: this is about as tough as it gets. Life continues to throw stuff at you, but you start to feel more equipt to handle it. Be open to learning from the things you see and experience that are good and bad. What to imitate and what to avoid.

My son is 15. My husband has been encouraging him to avoid getting involved with girls because at this age it feels so intense and is so confusing and your interests and needs really aren't in line with each other. So far he has avoided them and even told us once he's glad he has because all his buddies seem miserable all the time because of misunderstandings with girlfriends.  So that's just one perspective.

I'm really sorry about your folks. You will be able to draw from these experiences as you live your life and make your choices. My mom is bipolar, too. Usually when people with bipolar go to the hospital they come home with adjustments in their medicines to help them feel better, but I can understand your fear of losing your mom. You seem like a very loving kid. Tell her how much you care about her and ask her what you can do to help. It will make you both feel better.

One more piece of advice, if you can stand it. Spend some time at the library. This probably sounds like the lamest thing possible. But here's the thing: You can  learn about yourself by taking a random stack of books to a table and just flipping through them. Kinda like surfing the web but it can be much more intense. I read a couple of biographical novels when I was your age that absolutely stunned me. I couldn't believe people had been through the things they'd been through.

Take a peek at some of the stuff about different parts of the world or different kinds of art- what can seem boring in class can be pretty interesting when you get to set the direction yourself.

You might want to check out some biographies of musicians to find out how their problems helped them evolve their music. (Most people don't start out making excellent music.... they suck at first until they learn more about themselves and what matters to them)

When I did this I sorta felt like I was hanging out with me. Getting to know me. It's pretty cool. Plus... girls (especially when they get a bit older) dig guys who are comfortable with themselves and have things that interest them.

Hang in there. You seem to be made of strong stuff.