My Situation (All help and advice welcome)

Hello. The situation I find myself caught in is...kind of hard to explain. Simply put, everything IS and always WAS in my head.

I've felt empty, hollow, hopeless, pointless, and singled out every day for the past year. I'm not even sure if I am depressed, in fact I often wonder if I'm just insane. Before a year ago I used to write, read, make music, enjoy myself. My senior year of high school started, things were stacking up, and by the end of the year I was caught in a cycle in my head I can't seem to get out of.

I have books, my music, even my writing all right here but I haven't touched any of it in months. No motivation...I think about it, want to do it, but I simply can't. The big problem that presents itself here is that the few times I do begin to dabble in my music or writing, I find that it's near impossible because I haven't done either in such a long time and I'm very, very rusty. I basically have to relearn all of it again...and that brings us back to the motivation factor...


I'm not sure why I'm so against myself...I realize my problems and I understand the situation, I just feel so powerless to stop it. That's what has brought me to this forum. I can't take it anymore, and I'd really like to start living my life. Thank you for your time reading this.

Edit:  I am sorry I had to edit your post per rule:

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

I thank you in advance for your understanding of the rule.

Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/11/2009 5:13:30 PM (GMT-6)

Hello Lifetime,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am glad you have found us and please know that the edit was for content as we have members as young as 13 years old on the site. 

I do hope this addiction is something you can work through but I think perhaps you will need some professional help in doing so.  Ridding yourself of the habit is awesome but to keep in your mind that you will then use it only as a reward will put you at high risk for getting hooked on the drug again.

It feels to me like you are a good and kind person that needs to think about looking for some new friends............I know that sounds unreasonable but as long as you keep company with people who are using you will be tempted. 

I think once you have tackled your demons your writing and music will come easier to you.  If you have talent please do work on getting back to what your really good at. 

I hope you learn to believe in yourself and know that you can be happy without using. 

Do stick with us and know we care.  Also keep on sharing as knowing addiction is one of your issues that may be causing your depression we can work with that info.

I wish you peace and happiness.

Kitt

Hi there,

You do have a mind of your own. And if you think this is causing depression, you could chose not to do it. If your friends are really friends, they will understand. You can be there, just don't participate with the activities that they do. I don't think they will mind if you don't endulge.

Know that we all care about you and are here to support you. You could maybe go to some counseling. I think that would really help you. What you are doing is only mentally addictive, not physical. So restraining from that should not be too difficult. Find other things to do with your time. It is really easy to say no thank you. And I am sure that your friends will understand. Just remember that it is illegal in most places and that you are always at risk for getting busted when you are with your friends and they are doing it.

Best wishes for a wonderful day. Keep posting.

We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

Good for you, I am proud of you. Though some tapering might be in order. But I can't mention anymore due to forum rules. But you are trying and that is what matters.

I think it is great that you are going to pick up some of your old hobbies. I like to paint, draw, woodburn and make jewelry. Though I do that more when I am depressed and haven't worked on anything for a long time.

Are you seeing a counselor? I couldnl't remember if you mentioned that or not. I think that would be in order for you. You could use some support right now. You are going through something that isn't that easy. But you sound like you are handling this well and that is good.

As for your music, it doesn't hurt to start from point A again. You will find it flowing in no time. I think it is really cool that you are into that. Music is so mood inspiring. I love to listen.

I hope that this day is getting better for you. Don't give up on yourself and don't be so hard on yourself either. I know that you have many questions, but things do fall into place as time goes on.

Best wishes

Hugs, Karen

You'r story sound much like my husbands, he used to wright short stories and poems, he played and wrote music. Now his depressions worse and he can't even if he tries. I'm trying to get him help, but he thinks he can do this him-self. I hope things go well for you. May you find the chance you need to get better.