HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

ECT on the horizon

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic locked
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 10/21/2009 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
Well Dh got admitted last week to the UW hospital for his depression.  He received an evaluation and is on the schedule to begin ECT treatments on November 4th.  In the meantiem he has come home and sleeps all the time.  I am very overwhelmed.....Working 50 hours per week, dealing with the health insurance for all of the authorizations, his disability insurance as he is now off work, all the home chores/duties, taking care of the dogs and kids.....all singlehandedly. sad    I get so angry with him sometimes and have bad days from just being exhausted and getting no thank yous.

Anyone out there have any advice for me to help me make through the next two weeks until treatment begins?  To top it off our anniversary was yesterday and all he did was flip channels on the TV plus my birthday is in two weeks......admidst all of the chaos.  SIGH......I should see the light at the end of the tunnel but I can't right now.

Any advice is appreciated!

Thanks all.....Jenn

Posted 10/22/2009 1:29 AM (GMT 0)

He'll be better once he gets off the ECT. I was really down when my husband's birthday and our anniversary rolled around. I didn't even get out to get him a card. He understands this is what it's like. Your husband is not trying to slight you out of your special days. Right now he's doing his best to just hold himself together until the ECT starts.

I know you are in a very difficult place to be right now. If you want your "old" husband back, you can't do much other than deal with it for a couple weeks. Maybe call his counselor and see if they have any ideas for you.

I've found over the years, that birthdays and anniversaries don't have to necessarily have to be celebrated on the date they occur. I'd rather wait until my hubby was feeling good to go out to dinner or dancing, or whatever. Your hubby is just trying to hang on the best way he can right now. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc always seem to make a bigger difference in our lives than theirs.

Mine took me to a casino for our anniversary a couple months ago. Gambling is one of the things I can easily walk away from, but I do enjoy it. Usual minimum time for me is several hours before I'm ready to leave. After half an hour, I wanted to go. I kept forcing myself to stay and try to look like I was having a good time. A couple hours later, my anxiety skyrocketed and I wanted to leave right then! He thought he was doing something good to lift my spirits. All it did was make me crazier.

My point being, I know it's hard on you to have to be the one to keep everything running. I am the one that does it here, when I am well. If he's sick enough for ECT, he isn't able to function or respond the way you want him to. That will happen once he's gone through the ECT and is feeling human again. I'll say a prayer for you and for him also!

Posted 10/22/2009 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
hopefully jamiee will post. he's been through ECT before. he seems to feel it helped.

in the meantime, take care of yourself,
frances
Posted 10/22/2009 6:41 AM (GMT 0)
hi jen, yeah understand where you and hubby are at, each seperately. your at the end of your patience rope whilst hubby is in the dirtiest black hole imaginable. tough, darn tough. i am so proud of your committement to your very, very depressed man, make sure you get some support too. hopefully the treatments kick in real soon. i understand, i was a mess, but for me living on my own at that time i could have died, as i was not eating, drinking or taking any medications, he is so lucky to have your loving support, and when he surfaces out of that dirty black hole he will know this and hubby will slowly come back. may need more treatments, see how the first lot goes first. i admire your committement patience and care. you are wonderful jen. stay strong, here for you both. with loving compassion. jamie.
Posted 10/22/2009 1:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all!! I truly appreciate all the words and support.

-Jenn
Posted 10/22/2009 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,

Remember that we are always here for you. I hope that things get better. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Many (((((hugs)))))

Karen
Posted 10/22/2009 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
12 DAYS TO GO:-) Hopefully the treatments will offer DH relief and get our life back on track. If I had one wish it would be for his happiness. Jamie thanks for your kind words and encouragment. It is so nice to hear from someone that found light from ECT treaments. I can only wish the same for DH.

Thanks All!!
Posted 10/23/2009 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there,

I haven't been on in awhile.

PLEASE call some of your girlfriends and go out for your birthday.  If he wants to stay home, that's

his choice - first and foremost, you are responsible for YOUR life, YOUR happiness and I can understand

how you might feel some responsibility here, although at the same time, it is also your responsibility to take care of you, IMPORTANT YOU! 

Go out and forget everything for awhile.  Hire a friend to come watch he and the kids, pay whatever just so you can get out and have some fun, at least diversion for awhile, ESPECIALLY on the day you were born!

(I haven't followed the rest of any other threads you may have written, other than I've been in a hospital before for depression, saw a few people who I got to know there come out of ECT and they were very forgetful for a little while.)

I actually walked into the ECT room (snuck down there) while they were hooking my friend up to talk her out of it and boy, were they mad at me when I just opened the door!

I hope you can find some joy "pockets" through this foggy time!!

Warmly,

Julie O'

Posted 10/24/2009 8:16 AM (GMT 0)
dear zapped, not all people who have ECT require maintenance. cheers. jamie, ps i am one.
Posted 10/24/2009 8:48 AM (GMT 0)
i am not a fan, thought that was when i watch my footy team do battle with another team. this is when i am a fan!!! fan-fanatical, no, maybe your prosed diction of my support for ECT has been lost somewhere, and or maybe forgotten. my support for ECT is only for those whom need further and immediate assistance. ie the severely depressed, the severely psychotic and for those alike me when all other avenues have been exhausted. jamie. that's why we have consultant psychiatrists who make informed decisions, within ethical guidelines and where possible with the consent of the receipient. isn't medication hit and miss also? my research, in this country shows that most people resume medicated therapy post ECT as well. and a lot stay on medication during a course, i did. please remember that i have had ECT. jamie.
Posted 10/24/2009 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
Jamie and Zapped-

First Zapped, this is not something we are doing blindly we ahve researched and read both the godd, bad and the ugly of ECT......He has no other choices.....he has been on EVERY med known to physicians under every combination with no success. We have spoken in depth with our physiciains and have met patients who have had ECT and are encouraged by their words. Our physicians have tested his cognition and will test after every three treatments....if they see any signs of the beginnings of permanent memory loss the treatments will be discontinued. They are the foremost leaders in their fields and like my family physician I trust them. They certainly know more than I and as stated I have witnessed the success. I am also comforted knowing they are proactive and not so into themselves that they will stop the treatments should anything amiss happen. I appreciate your words, however having not had ECT yourself they seem to be words of fear not knowledge. For that I am sad that you would confuse and already difficult situation with information not based on experience. Just being real here.

Jamie- I truly appreciate your words of support and you have always been honest with your experience having had ECT which leaves me very encouraged. I have met people like you that have worked with the physicians we are working with and I am hopeful. I am absoultely certain there are physicians out there that do a shoddy job and leave their patients worse off, hence zappeds apprehension, however I believe we do not have physicains that are like that. I know the next week and a half will be filled with feelings of fear, hope, apprehension but we are working on having hope prevail.

Just my thoughts to both of your thoughts.........Thanks everyone I appreciate the support.....Jenn

Post Edited (JD68) : 10/24/2009 8:38:20 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/24/2009 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
thx jen. i think i will be off-line for a bit. too much going on, need to think. all the best for you and hubby. healings, jamie.
Posted 10/24/2009 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
Take care Jamie!!
Posted 10/24/2009 9:08 PM (GMT 0)
I apologize if I came across as negative to you that certainly was not my intent. You asked my quite a few questions and I was answering them. I fuly trust our physicians and would NEVER force my husband to do anything. This is his choice I am just standing behind him not really guiding him either way. I love him with all my heart and the decision is his I offer only my support.
Posted 10/24/2009 9:19 PM (GMT 0)
Zapped,

Your tone is hostile and unsupportive. You are welcome to your views and to voice them, but you are not welcome to flame other members about their own, very personal, medical choices. No one is to be made uncomfortable here. That is simply unacceptable.

For the record, I have a close friend who has had ECT twice, with relief and few side effects both times. It is an option which comes with plusses and minuses, just like every other mental health treatment. The pros and cons must be carefully made, and in the end we all have to do what is best for ourselves.

I am going to recommend this thread be locked. Please do not post further on this thread.

serafena
Posted 10/24/2009 9:37 PM (GMT 0)
That is too bad that this has to be locked as I welcome the support and encouragement. However I understand....My best to all.

Thanks for your experience serafena it is nice to hear positive.

-Jenn
Posted 10/24/2009 9:49 PM (GMT 0)

Jen you can still discuss this, the thread is not being locked because of your topic or behaviour. You have every right to support. Have you considered emailing Jamie as you both get along so well?

Just a thought, hang in there

Maz XX

Posted 10/24/2009 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know how to email someone directly. I think also that this has brought up some emotions in Jamie that he has to take a step back and just "chill" which I completely understand.

I understand it is not being locked for my actions it is just sad that someone else can instigate that. I just don't understand.....I don't think I could ever slam someone for something going on in their life that they are struggling with.

Thanks Maz......you are new to me but I appreciate the words. I will look into a way to keeping the support I need somehow.

Hugs....Jenn
Posted 10/24/2009 11:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hello JD and All,

JD, you have done your reasearch, and you have done it well. You are not self-centered but a very caring and wonderful wife.....................if your husband had cancer and the only option left was surgery you would either say yes or no with his input. Same thing here sweetie. You make your informed choice and you go with it. Do not let the opinion of one person shut you down.

I had a freind who would have died if she had not had ECT as she was so depressed she would not eat, down to 90 pounds and on IV's. She is now home and has been doing well for over 4 years, taking care of her children, living a productive life. I believe I shared this with you before.

Each person is an individual and your husband does not have much quality of life as he is so I support both of you.

WE are a peer support group, we know where your coming from and what your going through and by golly in my book celebrating the good things in life are important. Happy Birthday and many more.

Many gentle hugs to you during a very difficult time.

Here is the link to the first thread:

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=19&m=1569173

Kitt
Posted 10/24/2009 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
zapped,

There are no gaurantees in life period.

Kitt
Posted 10/25/2009 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
I am now crying.....Thank you Kitt. You have been with me since the beginning. DH is at the same point as your friend....if he does nothing he will do something which means exactly as you stated.

I so appreciate everything I have received from this site and hope to someday be able to give back the same if not more.

I will follow the link above and hope for the best.....Hugs to you Kitt and all the rest for your undying support and understanding!!

Love to all....Jenn
Posted 10/25/2009 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks once again Kitt.......re-read that initial post....wow things have changed and I think I will continue on that thread as things seemed a bit "clearer" LOL....ok not really but have taken a path back then I didn't think we would go.

Love to you Kitt for your words, passion and insight. Without it (and that of all the other moderators) this sight would falter.

Hugs to all of you invaluable people!! You are angels!! -Jenn
Posted 10/25/2009 7:40 AM (GMT 0)
  1. good luck jen and dh.

    2. zapped i was with grow for over 6 years.

    3. why so angry? (zapped)

jamie. my compassion and healings to all three. jamie.

ps zapped, warm fuzzies on ECT. I THINK NOT.

 

Posted 10/25/2009 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,

I am glad to help in any small way I can. I do believe in you and I know you to be sincere in doing what is best for your husband.

ECT does not erase one's entire memory, prevent the ability to form new memories or change one's personality. Please know that there is a lot of misinformation regarding ECT and talking to a reliable source as you have done was truly advocating for your husband. You are a very special lady and my prayers are with you.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
~Benjamin Spock ~

Sending you healing hugs and bushels of peace,

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt
Posted 10/25/2009 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
I think I am doing what any wife would do if her husband was sick. I would he would do the same.

Hugs back attcha Kitt!
✚ New Topic locked
12