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I've had this lack of a lust for life for a very long time

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Posted 10/29/2009 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
Im new to this site and would like to say hello to everyone. I dont usually do this and dont exactly know what im expecting, but iv been having a rough past few days. I guess i just want to vent everything that has been heaping up on my chest for quite some time now and need someone with a good ear.
I just want to say that i tend to write things how they come out of my head.
Well i guess il start with my most recent problem. I have been in a long distance relationship for the past year and a half with the first person iv ever had such unique feelings for. We broke up not long ago for many good reasons, it went very smoothly and im quite grateful for that. we knew that the relationship was domed from the start but thats besides the point cus we had alot of good times. As our relaionship progressed my demons came to the surface, we dealt with them one at a time as a couple but the damage i had done was just too much. Over time she had become my only source of a taste for life that i had long ago lost and this made her understandably miserable. We tried so hard to keep afloat until we could be together, but my inability to get anything out of life other than her eventually got me here. It was my idea to end it cus i couldnt be selfish anymore, being a source of misery to the only person i feel so deeply for and not being able to do anything about it shattered me. I feel i did the right thing, but it still hurts.... alot.
Iv had this lack of a lust for life for a very long time and it only got stronger with age. I cant say iv had a bad life or have anything to feel bad about, and that really gets to me. All i want is that taste for life and the ambition to 'take life by the horns.' No matter how hard i try i just cant seem to do it, then get kinda down cus i know its so easy to just go out and make a place in this world for myself.
On a slightly higher note, im sighing up for the military and im gona try to follow my dream. I just dont know if this my taste for life coming to me or just another band-aid.
Again i dont know exactly what i want or am going to get from telling my story. I just get so sick and tired of the way i feel.
Posted 10/29/2009 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
Read and understand, somewhat. Sorry, ain't got nothing else for you, but maybe to say nun of is purrfect.
Posted 10/30/2009 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
Gee, I thought someone else would have chimed in by now. True, your problems don't seem as bad as what some of us think ours are, but to ignore you completely is just plain rude. (NOTE: Moderator, yes I said people were being rude. So ban me. Like I care.) Your problems are important to you, and you deserve to be able to ask for help just as much as some old geezer with arthitis and other things. Don't know what advice to give you, other than you might want to spend more time exercising before boot camp or whatever. Just do what you are told when you are told to do it, and don't think about rather it makes sense or not. Because it only makes sense as a training tool and you won't understand it until you get out in world.

Well, good luck anyway.
Posted 10/30/2009 3:40 AM (GMT 0)
How about this moderator has been working and also had an appointment with the pdoc today. There are other members too, so it isn't the moderator's responsibility to respond to every post. We do what we can. And this forum is short on moderators right now.

Your attitude of not caring isn't going to win you any points here, and your post was rude. This is a group of very caring people but we also have problems of our own. So not everybody is up to giving advice.

I think your post is way out of line and admin will be notified. And since you don't care, then it shouldn't matter to you if you are banned.

SVTguy,

I would recommend talking to your doctor, maybe getting a physical to make sure that there is nothing going on. You may need some medication or some counseling.

Though it sounds like you have good things planned and your dream is going to be fullfilled by joining the military. May I ask what branch you are going into?

I also would suggest taking life one day at a time and see where it leads you. Go slow, try to enjoy things, give yourself permission to not feel so good sometimes. We do all have bad days. But don't be so hard on yourself for the things that have happened.

Try going for a short walk during the day. Even if it isn't a lot, it helps you to feel better. And each day try to go a little farther. It will be good for you and can clear your mind. Meditation is also good for you. It teaches you to stay in the here and the now. Staying in the now is so important for you.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/30/2009 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
Geez BlueEyes,

For someone who has asked for feedback and whom we have cared about and tried to help, you seem mighty aggressive. What gives?

I too had to work and had a pdoc appointment today. We are, after all, volunteers with lives of our own.


That said,

Welcome SVTGuy.

serafena
Posted 10/30/2009 1:48 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with the two moderators....WOW. I also worked late intot he evening and did not have chance to check new posts. However SVTguy.......you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a good grasp on what you are feeling. I totally agree with Karen in that you should (and likely will get with joining the military) a full physical. Low testosterone is one thing that can cause depression as can other low hormone levels. I would assume that if you are honest with you physician those test will be checked.

Try to take it one day at a time and know that we are wll here for you to help you work through any feelings and offer guidance where we have experience. Everyone on this site is awesome and will find some great avenues to follow in which you may not have thought of on your own.

Keep us updated and hang in there......Jenn
Posted 10/30/2009 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
OK now I understand Blue Eyes Wow,

I think U were abit hard on the moderator's they do a good job and I just started. I read STV story yesterday, but I didn't know how to reply to it. blue Eyes like they said this is a HAPPY FORUM wow that was harsh. Getting by and the rest of U I think U do a very good job keep up the good work. BLUE EYES I left U a message telling U not to leave the forum that was before I read this. If U feel like that towards the moderators maybe this is not for U so sorry.

Non-epelectic seizures,depression,anxiety
Posted 10/30/2009 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
serafena wrote, "For someone who has asked for feedback and whom we have cared about and tried to help, you seem mighty aggressive. What gives?"

I was just trying to get some others to take notice of this guy. Sorry, I was so rude about it. But, I can't help it. I am a rude person who doesn't understand humans at all. I have been depressed for about five years now. Which means I have not been able to relate to humans at all for time period. On top of that, my brain no longer works right. Sorry, I offended everyone. That is all I can do about it. Say I'm sorry and leave. I am obviously a bad fit for this forum. And everything else for that matter.

Sorry, STVguy.  I don't know what to say to help you.  I can't even help myself.  Sorry, I derailed your cry for help.  Sorry, I am such a worthless piece of trash.  Forgive or not, whichever makes you feel better. 
Posted 10/30/2009 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Blueeyes,

You are not a worthless piece of trash. So get that out of your head. I have read some very good posts from you. and we all say things we regret. I for one have done that. But we are only human and we make mistakes. So if you want to leave, it is up to you. But know that we all care about you here.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/30/2009 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
((((Blue Eyes))))

Where else will people call you on your grumpiness and still understand? We have all been there, felt the isolation and withdrawal that depression brings, and yes, felt that for years at a time. You are not a worthless piece of trash. You do belong here. Stay.

serafena
Posted 10/30/2009 8:15 PM (GMT 0)

Blue Eyes said...
 But, I can't help it. I am a rude person who doesn't understand humans at all. I have been depressed for about five years now. Which means I have not been able to relate to humans at all for time period.

Blue Eyes, everyone here is depressed in one way or another- and yet we dont attack people for no good reason. You are using your depression as an excuse to be rude and hostile. You can have depression and still be cordial and polite. Also- I have noticed you giving good and helpful advice to others- so dont be so down on yourself- just remember that we all struggle on our own journeys. You dont have to be rude- you have the power to change that.

Respectfully,

Maz

p.s I am also a Mod who works full time and Im recovering from a hospitalisation for a physical illness. I am not feeling well and have not been here as much as I would like- yes, we mods work and have our own issue to deal with. So please dont attack us- we volunteer and do our best.

Posted 10/31/2009 9:03 AM (GMT 0)
blush  Hi Blue Eyes,

I also agree with the forum moderators. they do a marvelous job helping people that are suffering in one way or the other. I agree that you need to have some kind of respect for them and everyone else for that matter. I have suffered chronic depression for many years now and i truly know how you are feeling,wether you think so or not. But Blue Eyes you have to get some councelling and maybe even some anger management to help you through this hard time. I'm not saying you have an anger problem,but what i am saying is the depression is making you so very angry and through no fault of your own ur venting anger to the wrong people. As the moderators have said if you want to leave this forum it's up to you,but if you can pull ur head in a bit,take a deep breath,let some of that anger go and it just may help!! You can only try ok. And please try and stop saying all of the negative thing's ur saying about ur self. Again that's the depression talking,i know as i've been there to. Hope this help's you some.

Best wishes to you,

beverley.c cool

THIS IS THE BEST FORUM ON THE NET BLUE EYE'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10/31/2009 9:15 AM (GMT 0)
cool  hello STVguy,

Hi I would like to say hello and welcome to the best forum on the net!!!!! I have read ur posts and am truly sorry about ur situation.

Do you have a good DR?,councellor ect?? As the moderators have said to you, take one day at a time or like me 1 minute at a time that's how i survive.I would also like to say that I admire you for still wanting to live your dream in the forces. I hope your dream comes true for YOU!!!

I'm also quite new to this but i tell you this forum has helped me so much as I can get on here and vent,write poetry,chat to other people in the same boat "so to speak" and it's generally a wonderful place to escape. Again welcome. Dont be shy let it out.

 

best wishes to you,

 

beverley.c. smilewinkgrin

Posted 11/2/2009 5:01 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you everybody. Il have to apologize i tend to be a bit of a drifter when it comes to the internet, lol. I very much appreciate all of the support and kind words, my spirits are lifted just reading it all. I did feel kind of awkward coming here at first, i didnt want to come off as a brat. It does feel good to know i have place to come to for a nice vent.

Im not at all put off by the time of the responses, iv been doing some good ol' soul searching. I never would have thought to look at my hormones as a culprit, i will def ask a doctor about such tests. I was on medication on and off during my early teenage years -the names escape me atm- but they just felt more like a 'Sugar Pill' for my family rather than a treatment for myself, i never felt any better on them. I will have to take the advice of taking walks, i had forgotten how much i used to love hiking. It sure beats looking at old cars that need an overwhelming amount of work (im a huge car guy as well thats where the SVT somes from). Poetry was always an interest but being around macho car guys it was taboo. I saw the thread for poetry that was started by Rose, i will have to contribute some time soon when my muse strikes again.


Thank you all!

SVTguy
Posted 11/2/2009 6:50 AM (GMT 0)
cool  hello STVguy how are you!!!! Just replying to ur post and vy the sound's of it your in a much better head space today, am i correct???

What i mean is you are sounding more positive about alot of thing;s and that's soooooooooo good to hear!! Also i would like to read some of ur poems ok. When ur ready that is!!!!

 

take care of you,

 

beverley-rose-bud40 turn

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