Depressed and Anxious for No Reason

Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here, but I've read through a couple posts and it's great to see the kind and caring words you're sharing :)

Where to begin. Well. Depression runs in my family. Every female on my mother's side of the family has it. I thought that it was normal to be emotional, angry, sad, etc in high school. Just puberty, just hormones. Well now I'm 19 and I am getting worse. I went to see a psychiatrist a few months ago who did diagnose me with depression and put me on an antidepressant. It turned my emotions off. I hated how it made me feel, so I stopped taking it. I don't have health insurance so now I can't go to see a doctor until I get a new job that can offer it. I've tried everything under the sun and just can't seem to feel normal.

There's nothing terribly wrong with my life...I have a lot of debt but I know that I can pay it all off. My relationship with my parents in strained, but who has a perfect relationship with their parents? I have a great boyfriend, a decent job, a car, a roof over my head...I wish that I could just cheer the heck up already. But I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm always feeling sad and hopeless. My anxiety keeps me from being around people or going to work. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my job because I keep calling in. I feel like an awful person who keeps making stupid mistakes and continues to fail. I am unsuccessful. I hate myself.

I've tried exercise, changing my eating patterns, talking to friends, but nothing helps. No matter how much I exercise, I still hate my body. I feel bad talking to people about my emotions because I feel like I don't have a real reason to complain, even though this depression is taking over my mind and making me hate the person that I have become. I contemplate  on a weekly basis because I'm just not sure that I can take this feeling anymore.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? So sad and hopeless even though there's no one reason for it? I feel like I'm whining about nothing because there's nothing that bad going on in my life. I just feel so weak and alone. It would be nice to know if there are other people out there who feel like this.

Thank you for any responses.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/8/2009 9:02:16 AM (GMT-7)

Hi Rainbow,

Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum.  I had to remove one word from your post.  We are not allowed to discuss suicide.  I am sorry about that.  But I have to follow the rules. 

Please don't think your problems are any less important than the next persons.  With depression, it always magnifies things that are bad.  So this is normal for depression. 

I just want you to know you are a very worthy person and a good person.  You are just suffering with depression and it makes us feel like a lesser person.  But you aren't.  You are wonderful, kind and compassionate.  I can tell from your post.  So try to tell yourself good things every day.

I hope that you start feeling better soon.  Sorry this is short, but I have to get ready for work now.  I will write more to you later.

Have a wonderful day my friend.

Hugs, Karen

Holly,
Thank you for sharing. It's good to know that I'm not alone :) That's interesting that you mentioned Lexapro - that's what I had been prescribed as well. I hope that your appointment on Friday goes well and they can find something that works better for you.

Karen,
Thank you so much for your kind words :) I'm sorry for bringing that up in my post - I should have paid more attention to posting rules.

Serafena,
Thank you for that suggestion, I will definitely try to find something like that in my area.

Rainbow,

I am so happy that you are continuing to post. Keep us up on how everything is going. Know that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen