medic going threw depression

I have been a medic for over two years I hurt my back lifting patients in and out of the ambulace alone because my partner was pregant and didnt lift my company would not put someone else on my truck to help me life now i have messed up my back and OJI is crap the doctors are crap my back has been getting worse i have been put inthe office and doing paperwork my family life sucks my husband really wont sleep with me anymore unless i make him then its not really that good he is just worried about my back. My daughter is 7 months old and im cant even pick her up and it kills me when she crys because she is mad that i wont pick her up or i have to go get help to pick her up so i can feed or take care of her. The partner that got me hurt doesnt even care that im hurt i thought she was my friend she just got mad because i was hurt and she made me feel like crap by tell me her job sucks because now that im hurt that she has bad partners and that im a horrible peson because in my injery report that i stated her as one of the reasons i am hurt. I risk my life every day to save everyone elses life but now when i need help im alone and I have no one.  Two weeks ago one of the other medic at work shot his self because everyone at work and in his family treated him like crap. But yet when it came time for his funeral the place was packed its like he more people cared about him when he was gone than when he was here. Some times I wonder if that what I should do. I mean i suck as a mom, a wife and everything else why hurt when you dont have to . Tomorrow is my husband and I one year aniv. we arent even doing anything and it hurts. Due to money reasons we are living with my parents the no privicy is killing me. I am the one who brings home the money not my husband. I dont want that anymore. All i ask is why cant one thing go right in my life . Its sad that i had to write my feelings on the internet because no one here will listen. does anyone hear have advise on how I can try and make it threw this. Because im not sure I even can

hi medic, i am jamie, male, 37.

i understand the back, me lombroscal spine, diabetic nuropathy in feet, t1 diabetes, hypercholesteroliperdemia, severe insomnia, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder, hypogonadism and infertile, on testogel for life. a bad uretheral stricture, to be operated next week, and heaps of ongoing dental. so i understand, i have not worked for nearly 10 years, when i did i did it to my detriment. karen is right with psychical therapy, i would suggest seeing an OT, i have worked in this field, and physical therapy is the answer. i use a cane, i still walk my 4 or 5 k's, just a tad slower. look at all your medical entitlements at work, even ask others about getting your needs met-always loop holes, ring your union if you are with one, and or if the department is registered with one; this way you can find out ALL of your entitlements and processess. i appreciate your honesty and bravery, keep being brave. we are here for you. jamie.

Hi Vicki,

I am happy that you were able to talk to your husband. It is good to let things out. That way they don't build up inside.

I am glad that you are going to pt. Keep trying. You will get that mri when it is time. Don't give up. Keep pushing. Don't let workmans comp get away with anything. If you feel the need, talk to a lawyer. It can't hurt. Hopefully you can find one with free consultation.

Like I say, don't give up. Keep trying. Things will get better. It is not easy, I know that. But it is worth it.

Hugs, Karen

Keeping fingers crossed for you. Let us know what happens. Don't be afraid, it doesn't take real long. Did they give you something to relax you? My doc just had me take extra xanax.

I hope everything comes out alright.

Hugs, Karen

we do not want that!! i wish you well with your mri appt. with compassion, jamie.

Let us know the results. I bet you are glad to be out of the tube. I am a little clostraphobic, so I didn't like it, but didn't want to tell you that until afterwards.

Take care,
hope to hear from you soon.

Hugs, Karen

hoping all works out for the best medic. take care and know that positive thoughts are being sent. with care and compassion,

jamie. not a tube fan either!!!

I hope that you get to the bottom of this. Back pain is no fun. Have you ever thought about fibromyalgia? The injurty could have caused that. And it doesn't show up on xrays or in blood work. It is kind of a mystery disorder. It si something to think about.

Either way I hope that you find out what is going on. Please keep us informed.

Hugs, Karen

Can you try a different doc? You sound like you need the pain meds, I can't believe that they would give up on you like they did.

The reason I mentioned fibromyalgia, is because it is a silent disorder. It doesn't show up on xrays, mris, or in bloodwork. But they have to do all the tests to rule everything out. I would keep bugging the doc, or look for another one. I suffer with fibro and I am lucky enough to have a doc that believes in it. Please don't give up. Keep a pain journal if you need to. That way you can let your doc know when you are going through the most pain.

Is the doc one from work? Or is it your family doc? If it is one from work, that just goes to show that they don't want to pay you any compensation. Look for another one.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen

PS you might want to check out the chronic pain forum, or even read on fibro forum to see if there is anything that jives with what you are going through.