i'm new...and feel like i have no where to go

I am not too sure where to start without writing a novel...but I will try.

 

i'm already on anti-depressants for depression and anxiety.  but i'm at the point where i feel like they arent working.

 

i'm second guessing a lot of stuff in my life.  i feel like my parents like my older brother better because of all he's accomplished.  i feel like my boyfriend (of 2+ years) and i are drifting...but we probably aren't.  i hate my job, i hate my lack of money. i used to dance (i teach now) to help me get things out but i don't anymore.  i feel weak about admitting that i'm depressed.

 

lately i've been extremely emotional and brought to tears over almost anything.

 

i hate how my body looks (i've suffered from eating disorders before and in the past 2 years i've gained approx. 30 lbs).

 

i feel like i lack self-confidence.

 

there's probably so much more that i'm forgetting...but regardless, i am not sure what to do.  or where to start.  i want to go ot therapy again but i can't afford it and i doubt my parents will pay (i'm 25 and off their insurance).

 

if anyone had any words of suggestion, things i can try to help...anything at this point, i would appreciate the help more than you could know.

Thank you....hearing from someone is actually what made me smile; and feel at ease. I have a hard time finding things to be grateful for when I'm down too. I think my major problem is that I push away my feelings until I'm all alone and then they hit me even harder. Being an anxious person makes me constantly think about a lot of stuff; using bad things. It's easier to be upset and down than happy.

I hope you found something to make you smile.

Maybe we/I/you could try to find one thing that was positive during the day and write it down...record it somehow. And eventually we could add more things per day...? Just a suggestion; not sure how well it will work, but I'm willing to try it if someone else is.

my good thing for today: finding this forum. maybe you could write one on here, or write it down and throw it away like you said. i dont know if you have more than one computer at your place, or an extra flashdrive, or something....that way you could write it down and it would be possible that she wont find it.

and it is odd that all these people are "strangers" yet we understand so much about each other; more than most of the people in their lives probably could...we all have something that ties us together. it's comforting; in an odd way.

i have always been able to help others before i help myself. for me; it's easier to help others...even if they're going through the exact same thing. hopefully this will all help both of us, and more...if there's anything else i can do (somehow) let me know....i'm a good listener.

and if you can't sleep, try melatonin. it's something you can by in the vitamin aisle. it is also something that is produced naturally by your body so you can't get addicted to it. for me, it helps relax my brain and lets me fall asleep. plus it shouldn't make you drowsy the next day.

JJiggs, and Sleepy,

I would like to welcome both of you to the forum. I am glad that the two of you have hit it off. And remember this is a hard time of year, so that could have something to do with the way that you are feeling. Spring is on it's way and we have been having some sunny days. Not today though, bummer.

Writing things down is so therapeudic. I am glad that you thought of that. And exercise is good, even if it isn't a lot. Every little bit helps. I often walk and that makes for a better day.

Take care both of you. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen