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Posted 1/25/2009 7:41 AM (GMT 0)

Hi pixieD,

   Although I am not currently single, I get where you are comming from. I've battled with my depression and anxiety disorders through all the different changes in my relationship status, even marriage. The one thing that I have learned is that just because you do have a siginificate other, it doesn't always mean that you  have the support that you truly need. My ex husband was very insensitive to my disorders. He once told me that my depression and anxiety was all in my head. My current man doesn't like to discuss deep or emotional stuff so I don't involve him in my emotional distress. Our relationship is on the rocks due to my mental problems and the fact that we are both broke. Not healthy, I know. I have learned from  my past 2 relationships that sometimes it is better to deal with everything alone. If he and I were to break up, I will definantly be single for awhile. 

Posted 1/25/2009 12:56 PM (GMT 0)
I can relate in a way, i've been depressed on/off for the last 7 years and the only time i was really happy was when I was in a relationship and that was fairly recently too. I think it was different for me as I haven't had much social contact so it was a big change just having someone to talk to every day and it truly did change everything for me, I instantly became more motivated to do things and was going out a lot more, I was really trying to get my life going again! I think just being in a relationship made me realise a lot of things but I think most importantly i know now that I can be happy!
Posted 3/1/2009 11:55 PM (GMT 0)

Hi E.M.

I tried to reply to you directly, but I'm not sure how to do that. I can't tell you how much I identified with your post. I have been on my own for nearly five years now...dated, but never really had the inclination to see anyone for any period of time..seems that its such an effort to entertain anyone or when someone would come over, I couldn't wait for them to leave.  No one wants to take things slow and get to really know each other.  Work is all I seem to have as well, otherwise when I am home I watch television, read.  My little guy is 7, when he is gone I just tend to hibernate.  I tried the singles dance, was horrified at that and just basically always feel like the square peg trying to fit into the round hole.

I've tried the dating sites and that only served to make me feel in many instances that I do not in fact live up to the ideal Maxim woman therefore I am useless.  Our society today is all about appearances..and while I consider myself okay looking, I certainly am not a female model who looks great in a bikini. 

Just a few thoughts...

Posted 3/2/2009 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lilweezer,

Welcome to HealingWell. You have come to a good place. I was watching a movie today and it was said, that even though we are alone, we are all alone together. If that makes any sense to you. There are many lonely people in this world. Some of them are not alone, but lonely. So you are definately not alone in this.

Keep posting as we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

PS we have an introductory thread if you are interested in telling us a little about yourself, that is your choice.
Posted 3/2/2009 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen...thank you so much. yes, that does make a world of sense to me. Why is it we feel that every single person out there, in a relationship or not, are happy and having fun and laughing and life is good for them? Human error I guess.
How do I access the introductory thread?
Louise
Posted 3/2/2009 2:37 AM (GMT 0)
I will bump it up to the top of the threads for you. It might have drifted to the next page.

You sound like you are feeling better. I am happy for that.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/30/2009 7:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi. Thankyou for those posts. It's quite comforting to know I'm not the only one. I am single too. 27 years old and in my whole life I think I've had about three decent dates. I do try my best to get out there but I also don't feel completely comfortable in social situations. I definitely don't tend to be the life of the conversation! I find it so hard to find the right woman it just seems to be so daunting. I don't expect a relationship to last forever but can't help but fear nothing will ever happen! I obsess about it far to much and I am now regularly getting terrible depression (though some days were ok today wasn't one of them)! I live with my parents and they're wonderfully understanding and great support but it doesn't do much for myself esteem or confidence. To make things worse I lost my job a couple of months ago! If anybody's reading take care! E
Posted 4/30/2009 12:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Eve,

You have come to a good place, everybody here is so kind and compassionate. I hope that you continue to post.

A lot of us don't feel comfortable with social situations, it is just kind of a part of the depression. Though I never felt comfortable with a large group of people. So I would think this could be normal for what you are going through.

I hope that you continue to post. We are all here for you.

Have a wonderful day

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/30/2009 12:17 PM (GMT 0)
eve0302

Hello and welcome to HealingWell and yes we are reading and we understand. 

I am glad that you have found this great forum and I know you will be meeting lots of other members that will be very supportive and caring to you.

Please know you are a good person and you will find that special person one day.  It just sort of happens on it own when you least expect it. 

I am so sorry to hear about your job and I agree that does hurt the self esteem but remember to love yourself first and keep on talking to us.

I wish you peace,

Kitt

Posted 5/1/2009 2:14 AM (GMT 0)
pixieD, I'm single too never had a relationship going and I'm 35 now. even though I have some family support I still feel very loonly and I wish I could have some intimate feelings with someone special, it's tough to be single all these years and feel like a failure. but I think even married or people in relationship can still understand what you feel because they too have propably been in your position at some point of their lifes.
Posted 5/1/2009 5:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Eve,

I also want to welcome you to our group. I know it's hard when you are hoping to meet the right person, and still waiting for it to happen. Losing a job is a tough experience to go through, too. I've been through some very difficult times in and out of relationships and in and out of jobs, and I've found it helpful to talk with a counselor about my sadness and feelings of low self-esteem. My sessions with her have made a huge difference in my life. Perhaps this is something you might consider. I'm encouraged to read that you have a supportive family.....that is such a blessing. I hope you will continue to join us here, and I agree with the others.....it's a wonderful and compassionate place to find support.
Posted 5/2/2009 1:09 AM (GMT 0)

Thanks guys. I've actually kept a diary and noticed over the past month half the days were good half were not. Were any of you nervous about pouring out your emotions to a professional? But sometimes it has to be done doesn't it. I'm seriously considering.

I'm also considering returning to study. I can always drop out if I find something better. My dad said make finding a job a long-term goal not a short term one. Life isn't always easy but it has to go on right?

Do you all have good friends? I remember there was a girl I was good friends with since primary school and I was kinda sad when she moved to the other side of the city and she didn't invite me to her wedding (but mentioned two other of her friends were bridesmaids). But when I lost my job after a couple of years of no contact I called out of the blue and it was terrific to see her again! Lots to talk about. I would recommend anyone else to do the same! E

Posted 5/2/2009 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
I was really nervous the first time I went to see a doctor, I went unwillingly after a lot of persuagion from my uncle, then I got used to it and after seeing so many doctors I fianaly met a very good one who made me tell her absolutly everything, even things I was ashamed of doing and it felt really good to share it with someone. it seems that most doctors and counsellers aren't good so you have to look for a good one who you can really open up to and feel comfortable, don't be discourged if you do see a doctor and feel disapointed for some reason, he might just be a bad doctor. good luck to you I hope you can find your way out of this.
Posted 5/2/2009 7:27 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Akram. I was surprised so many doctors appeared to be unable to help you. I won't let that faze me. I guess sometimes in life you do have to shop around don't you! I do remember I saw a psychologist once but that was for career matters. Didn't learn much I didn't already know. Wonderful that your uncle recognised what you were going through and persuaded you to go - and you were eventually able to find a good one. Thankyou for your supportive words + getting by + stkitt + Raniah too! Cheers E
Posted 11/10/2009 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
I have also been single for a very long time and only had affairs or short relationships. I have no big problem with being alone but there are always some days (especially evenings) when you feel very sad and wish there was somebody next to you. I have good friends I can talk to but it's not the same like having a partner. I spend a lot of time on the internet in forums like these or in chats, so I am not the kind of person that goes out every night. That's why I started with online dating and registered at a few sites. Maybe you want to check it out, too, here's a dating sites comparison chart. For me, this is very interesting and comfortable way to get to know women.
Posted 11/11/2009 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
I think that being single and depressed is hard. But even if you are with somebody, you still feel alone when depressed. You either don't want to burden that other person, or they don't seem to understand. Though I am lucky. I have a very understanding peron that I am married to.

Know that we are all here for you, so you really aren't alone. We care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/12/2009 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
cool  hi I would agree with what Karen has said in her reply about still being with a person,but still being completely lonely!!! That is very true as my Second marriage which lasted 6 yrs, I was depressed back then and yes I still felt lonely and I had a Husband,toddler to look after,ect but I still felt that way. So I think that no matter what if we are depressed and single or depressed and have a partner it really wont change much at all.  Hope this help's if you can understand it.

Stay safe,

damaged......... eyes eyes

Posted 11/14/2009 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I'm new here and this post made me want to speak up because I am going through alot of the same things... being single, a mom, and I am just not coping well at all. It's not the being single part, it's just the fear and panic (and the depression that goes with it) that I am dealing with (or should I say, not dealing with, because I am not functioning very well right now). I do think often about my friends who have spouses, and how I do feel lonely when I see they have someone there for them. But nevertheless they are also supportive (even if they don't understand exactly what it's like to feel completely alone). Although the one thing that keeps me positive is that I do feel that being single is better than being with the wrong person, which was who I was married to for several years.
Posted 11/14/2009 5:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Floating,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am sorry that you feel so alone. But like you said, it is better than being with somebody who treats you badly.

You have come to a good place and you belong here now. So you aren't alone anymore.

Keep posting, let us know how you are doing.

We are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/14/2009 9:35 AM (GMT 0)
guys trust me your better of single than with someone who laughs at you and makes fun of you for being depressed. After four years its hard to walk away. There are days he is supportive and things are looking up and then theres those most often were he laughs and makes fun of me and calls me crazy and that im weird and a psycho and think its all an act and it diggs you deeper. id much rather do it alone but i cant find it in me to leave.
Posted 11/14/2009 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
Sass,

I am so sorry for the days that he makes fun of you. That is a terrible thing to do. I hope that you can get through this.

My first husband was like that. I would always here "What's wrong with you today?". Anmd that wouls always make it worse.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/12/2010 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi i'm a 23 year old male suffering from clinical depression and OCD, i haven't a girlfriend in like 4 years and i get so low about not having one, i mean thats not the only reason i get depressed but im so lonely, this maybe a load of crap but it seems to me that its even harder for a single male, it just seems to me single girls dont stay single for long at least not in England, i dunno, i need some help and advice, thanks
Posted 5/12/2010 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Martin,

I think when people are depressed that they feel lonely whether they are single or not. We tend to seclude ourselves and can be lonely in a room full of friends. But if I were you, I would start going places where you may meet a young lady your age. Such as coffee shops, library, social gatherings and things like that. You can meet people grocery shopping. When the time is right and it is meant to be, you will meet the lady of your dreams. Just make sure to keep her. lol...

Best wishes to you. Keep posting and know that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/12/2010 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
Getting By, I agree with you that being on your own makes you stronger.

I'm in the older age group here, and have been single my whole life, but had a person in my life for a long time who I thought was my soul mate. Even though I knew he didn't want to marry (anyone) he was a great support for years.

When I couldn't bear it anymore, we broke up and remain acquaintances (I can't say we're really friends anymore.) Since then, I can't get over this broken heart, but try to stay busy.

All I really meant to say was that after a while, you've proven to yourself you can take care of yourself and you can develop a circle of supportive friends--but it's still lonely. And I can pat myself on the back a lot, but it sure doesnt fill the void.

And even though I know that at a certain time in life people do start losing their spouse--they've had support for years and can be thankful for that. When you've never had that and know that its probably not going to happen, looking into the future seems very frightening.

Ive been told by married friends that "the grass is always greener" but believe theyre just trying to make me feel better. I know marriage can have it's irritations, but since they've never come home to an empty house and they travel together etc, I don't believe they mean it when they say I'm better off.

Traveling alone used to be an adventure. Now I just don't go much. And having a light on with a timer and maybe leaving the radio on for when I come home just doesn't cut it!

Still, I do count my blessings! And life is not fair, but still worth living!

 

Posted 8/21/2010 9:37 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Ojisama,

I can see where your friends are telling you to see a counselor, you need to.  You have become conditioned to have an attitude with the way that things are going for you.  It is not your friends responsibility to find you a date.  That is up to you.  Or to introduce you to a single female.  That is up to you too.  If you have been using your friends to find dates and going to singles bars, you are going to end up with most likely shallow people to meet.  Try coffee shops, or book stores.  That is if you want to meet somebody with any brains. 

I can't say that I feel bad for you.  You are young and have plenty of time to meet somebody who you can spend quality time with.  I see that you are down now due to your situation, but I don't know of any other advice that I can give you as we generally discuss somebody's depression on this forum and what they can do to keep from being depressed.  Sounds to me is that you are looking for a date.  That is how your post comes off.  I hope that you feel better soon.

Do you work out?  I think that would make you muscular so you wouldn't appear to be so thin.  At least you aren't going in the other direction.  That would be worse.  Are you healthy?

Hugs, Karen

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