im losing myself

Ok so here goes, i'm so not good at this, but i need some sort of help here...

Ok so lately I've been having rage outburst, but i feel that this is from always hiding my true feelings about stuff... but along with the rage outburst, im having mood swings, an the doctors an stuff say there is nothing mentally wrong with me.. I've been pulling away from everyone i know, even my significant other, but she doesn't help much anyways.. my best-friend of 6 years even told me she doesn't know me anymore..
I've been flipping out like there is not other, an i used to be a well u kno but i finally shortened that out, i guess... i mean i haven't done it in a while..
along with the mood swings, an everything, i'm having thoughts, i mean i've had em my whole life, but its like they are getting worse... with each moment that passes, i don't know which emotion is going to come next, right now, i feel alone an sad, but just like that, in a split second, im getting mad, an im ready to punch walls, or whatever i can get my hands on... i almost put my hand threw windows an stuff.. but im trying to control it, but nothing seems to work...
i was in the middle of a convo with my mother, an we were laughing an stuff, an the next thing i knew, i was so angry, i flipped again...
i cant hold a job, because of all the thoughts in my head, the voices that tell me to do it, an just the matter of seeing people i cant stand being around people anymore..
my mother blames it on me being gay, she says that i let women get to me.. but i know that isn't the issue..
its me.. i feel so worthless anymore, i'm beginning to hate my friends...
all i want to do is lock myself in a room, an not come out.
i feel like everyone should feel my pain...

please some one tell me something... [img]/community/emoticons/shakehead.gif[/img]

Hi Nicole,

I am sorry that I had to edit your post, but we are not allowed to discuss self harm on this forum. But I only took out one word, so everybody pretty much knows what you are talking about.

I agree with Harrington. I think that you should find a new doctor and get on a mood stabilizer or something. They have really helped me. They stop obsessive thinking and that really was a problem for me. Like you get a bad thought and you can't get it out of your head. You think about it over and over. Well the mood stabilizer helps me with that. I quit thinking about the past. And I quit worrying about the future.

I hope that this helps some. One more question. Do you ever see a counselor? I think that would be good for you, maybe anger management. There is an online site for that if you want it I will find it for you. Let me know.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen

i was seeing doctors but they said nothing is wrong with me, if they are saying that then they wont put me on any medicine.. ive been trying to get back in an see my therapist, but even she said nothing is wrong with me..

Hi there,

Just keep on hanging in there and seeking help. If it gets really bad, go to the emergency room. Somebody has to take your seriously. Just keep tabs on yourself. Maybe start a journal of your thoughts and when you think them.

Know that we do all understand because all of us have been there. Keep faith in yourself and take this one day at a time.

Know that we care.

Hugs, Karen

i finally got an appointment in with a therapist, an she told me that if she could give me a diagnosis, it would be, bi-polar, schizophrenic, with manic depression....
she told that she would feel comfortable if i see a psychiatrist, an got diagnosed, so basically, she's tryna get me an appointment with the dr, an then its gonna go from there...
so its nice to kinda have an idea of whats going on..
so i hope things start getting better, she set up to see me weekly, she said that i really do need help..
so i will keep everyone updated on the situation, an i appreciate everyone being here for me!!!! it means alot!!

Write down a list of everything going on for when you see the pdoc. Manic/depression and bipolar are pretty much the same thing. I, being bipolar, definitely think you should discuss a mood stablizer with the pdoc. But I guess wait for his diagnosis.
As a counselor who does anger mnagement classes, really recommend once your meds are squared away, take some individual or group anger management courses. They really do help and if you get a grip on your anger, you will probably feel a lot better about yourself. Being over the top angry....well, honest there are lots of techniques you can learn to get a grip on it. Everyones post before mine all have good info.