I don't know what to do.

I'm a 15 year old girl and I've been going through this over and over again for the past year.  I think i'm depressed but i dont know for a fact.  Everyday i hate waking up and going to school...i hate walking in those hallways.  My friends are so confusing and i dont know who to talk to anymore.  And my best friend pretty much replaced me with this girl who does everything i do but Better.  I'm an actress, and so is she.  I'm a dancer, and so is she.  I like writing, so does she.  Its like my friend found someone exactly like me but so muchh more talented.  I don't know who to go to.  And i know what you're thinking...my parents?  No way. They've been married for 32 years yet still argue constantly...they scream at each other and i hate being at home too...  They throw things, they have tantrums, they walk out on each other.  And  They yell at me too.  It's like living and being raised by two teenagers.  My dad is like a teenage girl from the 70s.  He's so dramatic (no offense to anybody who was once a teenage girl from the 70s...) But he doesnt listen, all he cares about is himself, and he's literally thrown me out before leaving me into tears outside on a cold winter night.  His excuse? "I thought she needed some air..."

I keep this book.  And I write down how many times i've cried this year since septemmber.  I'm at 32 so far.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I go from being terribly sad to extremely happy.  And the only times i'm ever happy is when my boyfriend cheers me up by talking to me.  I don't want to tell him i'm depressed or anything...I dont want to scare him away :(

And yes, i've had thoughts of just running away or disappearing off the face of the earth.

It's hard.  I'm tired of crying.  I feel useless, small, and unworthy.  At school, i have moments where in the middle of class i just want to cry.  So i excuse myself, run in the bathroom, and cry.  Like a stupid little girl.  I'm so confused.  Someone please help?? :(

Hi Su

Welcome to the HW depression forum.

I agree with Hara, seek counselling from your school counsellor or can you get to a doctor who might refer you to another counsellor, if you didn't want to go to the school counsellor. I know it is tough being a teenager, they were some of the worst years of my life. My best friend did a similar thing to me also in high school and I found it hard to cope with and never really got over it. I tried to fit into other groups but it was very very diffult. I have great empathy for you as you have taken me right back to my high school days. Don't worry about your former friend, she's not worth it. But when you get older you sort of understand why that happens but it is hard to see when you are 15.

Your parents sound like they need someone in authority to sort them out. They need to grow up and realise the damage they are doing to you. Are you the only child? Do you have any relatives that you can speak to? It is certainly a difficult situation for you to be in at 15 years of age.

Hara is also correct when she said that running away is not an option, that won't achieve anything and will only put you in danger. Your boyfriend sounds really nice, I think you should confide in him about your situation, if you don't feel you can tell him that you are depressed, just tell him how hard it is for you at home. He has probably already guessed anyway.

Please don't cry anymore, that only makes the situation worse and you won't be able to pull yourself up if you are sad all the time. Keep posting here as we care about you and want to know how you are going.

Now put a smile on that pretty face and see sunshine not rain. I'll be thinking of you.

Thanks to you guys for the responses.  I really appreciate it..

So I'm from Canada.  And yes I have a school counsellor at my school but i dont think i'll be able to talk to her just now because school is ending and its going to be difficult to see her and everything just because my parents want to know where i am all the time.  And i do agree, my parents really need help themselves.  But my dad doesnt like to think he has any problems.  And if they divorce, that would mean my mom would be left with no money.

I have an older sister but she's usually at university most of the time.  I do talk to her about my parents but not other things.  But its not really something that she can help with either because she's got the same parents and literally is just as clueless as i am when it comes to my family problems. 

And with friends...I agree, that one best friend i talked about, wouldn't get the..."BFF" oscar of the year.  But its just hard because I've gotten so close to her and i've told her so many things about me that i just cant take back.  I know most people would call this a phase but, how long is a "phase" supposed to be?  Because i can't remember the last time i felt good about myself and others around me.  If any of you have anymore comments or ideas please let me know..

Thanks:

Suzy Nell