HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Confused.

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/21/2010 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
If any of you read my first post about my best friend hanging out with another girl and me feeling really far away from her, ...this is a shock:

For the last week my "best friend" began acting normal again.  The way she was when we were close...but then i reminded myself not to get to attached because I need to be around people that believe i mean a lot to them.

Yesterday, she began texting me and being pretty nice but...I still kept in mind that it cant last forever.  And then she said that something was bothering her and that she needed to tell me something.  I told her i'd call her but she told me it was something that needed to be said in person.  So she came over...and she sat on my bed, and instead of gradually telling me, she blurts everything out.

She then proceeded to tell me that her and one of my friends, are bisexual and that they were dating each other.  Of course, i wasn't expecting to hear that and almost fainted.  But I was still okay with her decisions and I told her I'd support her in her relationship.  For the last month she had been distant because she was dealing with this new relationship and had this new friend that she could only talk about it with her.  But this friend began to turn on her and say she didn't like wat she was doing.  I find no problems in my best friend having a relationship with a girl but...somethings just not right.

I was in the middle of getting over school people and realizing there was more people out there that cared about me and then this happens.  I can't help but feel my year of grade 10 is going to be just as horrendous as this year.  No friends, no one to talk to, nobody to realize wat im going through.  And the fact that I got a boyfriend this year, and i had nobody helpiing me through it or giving me advice, was difficult and lonely.  I mean i've never had problems with him but....just knowing that i have a friend to be there if there ever IS a problem would just make me feel like i have someone there for me.  I'm so confused. I dont feel like everything is okay.  My best friend had told me that we should be able to communicate better because this year was a fail but...I can't help but feel scared.  It's hard being friends with her.   But what can I say, she's my best friend.  What do i do?

-Suzy Nell J.

Posted 6/21/2010 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
Suzy,

Try to be more optimistic about the future. But you don't need a friend to help you cope with your ups and downs in your relationship with your boyfriend. Sure it is nice to have somebody to talk to when things aren't going right, but you don't NEED the other person because you should be able to work things out with your boyfriend. Though it is nice to have somebody to talk to about things, I don't want you to be needy for that.

I think your best friend really caught you off guard with this news. I get the feeling that you feel that you were like the LAST one to know. And that would probably bother me too, especially if she is suppose to be your best friend. If you feel differently about your friendship, that is understandable. It probably felt like she ditched you and then when things aren't working out, she came back. Is she really your friend in this case? I would wonder about that. But being that she confided in you, I would make sure to keep her confidence in this matter, but I would make sure that this friendship isn't just onesided.

As long as you are cool with the situation, I guess it is okay. But make sure that you aren't just keeping her as a friend, just to have somebody there in case things go sour between you and your boyfriend. That relationship is solely between the two of you. I would learn to cope with the down side on my own. Though remember that we are always here for you. I wouldn't rely on somebody else to get me through the downfalls. You have to do that yourself.

Try not to project on next year because of the way that this year went. One thing in this world that is constant, is that there will always be change. Next year is next year. It will be different from this year. You will meet new people, you will have different classes and different demands with these classes. You will make new friends. It is inevitable. There will always be change. So look at it as a new beginning. Look forward to it. Know that there are going to be new adventures and a lot of fun things, if you have the right attitude. Accept it gracefully. Life is full of change.

I hope that things work out for you with this new situation. Try to keep an open mind. Let things happen. It isn't really that bad. Especially if you don't let it be.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/22/2010 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Suzy

I agree totally with Karen, keep an open mind on everything especially your friendship with your "best friend". Remember what we told you about "only telling anyone what you what them to know", that means in case they tell anyone else what you have confided in them is alright for that second person to know. Personally I think you would be a terrific best friend, you are loyal, compassionate and most of all you can keep secrets.

I am pleased you have a boyfriend and you would tell him first if there are any problems, but I know what you mean about just having a girlfriend to talk to about different things that happen with boyfriends. But I don't think she is the one you should be telling.

I am really proud of you Suzy, you have taken that news that came at you from left field, very maturely even though you were hurting by the way you had been treated by this girl. It sounds like she has a lot of issues that she needs to come to terms with, but don't let her pull you down too.

Make the new school year a good year, you have everything going for you and more so enjoy it and keep posting to let us know how you are.
Posted 6/22/2010 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, thanks for all you're replies.

Karen, you're right, i do feel like i was kind of the last person to know even though we're supposed to be really close.  But she did tell me how i felt really distant and that she could tell i felt like that too, which is kind of true. 

And usually if i do have issues with my boyfriend, i can always talk to him about it but recently nothing has really come up that's bothered me in that relationship, so all's good there. 

And it does kind of feel like I was...well...the safety net.  Like she had this new "more-than-friend" relationship with this girl... (I'll just nickname her Emma)  and had her friend who i felt like was replacing me (i'll nickname her Jenna) And it felt as though, as soon as Jenna told her that she didn't approve of her relationship with Emma...she came running to me, because she knew I couldn't disapprove of it.  And she kept telling me "How come they can't be as supportive as you?"

And I can't help but feel that very statement is going to trap me into this whole mess again.  But to be honest, I'm lonely, and I feel as though I have no where left to go.  I know it's not necessarily going to be the best for me, but that's all i've ever known.

I think I do just need to calm down and not think about the past and let things go as they do and remember that things are more important...

Posted 6/23/2010 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
You are so right, go with the flow of things. Sometimes that is all we can do. And honestly that is how I try to live my life, I just go with the flow of things. If I dwell on the past it makes me depressed. If I worry about the future, I get anxiety. So it is one day at a time and that is the best that I can do. And I think that right now, it would be good for you too.

You are still being a friend to her and that is important. I think that if the situation were reversed in a way, that she would do the same for you. Am I right? Would she?

It sounds like the two of you are true friends. And that is good.

Take care hon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/23/2010 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen, I'll update more if i need to.

-Suzy Nell J.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply