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Posted 6/26/2010 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Officially I am bipolar and in the past have had continual mood swings.  Well, I have now been depressed (acouple blips of happy) for 2 years and it ranges anywhere from mild (just sort of blah) to severe (like I don't come out of the guest room)

It interfers with my work as a counselor, because some days I cannot find the energy to get dressed and get my body to work.  If I absolutely force myself to go to work, I generally feel a bit better and can function at work.  A few times even though I am on an antipsychotic, I get auditory hallcinations.  Last year I totally "missed" summer and Fall.  I didn't work outside like I normally do, I didn't ride my horse.  This year my husband who is out of work, works side by side with me when I garden or prune shrubs, which seems to give me more motivation.  He also saddless up my horse for me and stays in the arena when I ride.  I hate being so dependent on him for these things, but for the time being, it is what seems to help.  I am so sick of fighting this depression...it never ends.  My pdoc basically has the attitude that when I am really bad I need to be in the hospital (which I won't do) and he has not changed my meds in 2 years.  Because I am bipolar he will not put me on an antidepressant because he fears I will get manic.  I am getting very frustrated with him.  He recommends ECT, but I am afraid of the side effect of short term memory loss.  I already have some issues with that and I am scared I will add to it with ECT.  This just doesn't feel like it should be so hard for me for so so long  My pdoc has said that this may be as good as it gets for me.  That is totally unacceptable to me....I have to believe it can be better, or I would go really nuts.  I may have been moody when the BP was really going strong with mood swings, but at least I had hypomanic times that were happy, productive and fun.  I am so tired....2 years is way too long to be depressed and I really don't know which way to go.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  And has anyone out there had ECT??  Thanks

Posted 6/26/2010 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Horse Crazy,

We have a couple people on the forum that have had ECT. Jamie is one of them and I believe that it has helped him. Hopefully he will chime in some time later today, he is in Amsterdam. He can tell you a lot about his experiences with it.

I agree with you in thinking that it is going to get better. Have you thought of getting a different pdoc. I know that it is hard to switch especially after you have established a relationship with him and with your line of work. But maybe there is another pdoc out there that would help you more with medications instead of wanting you to go into the hospital. I can't believe that he told you that was as good as it gets. Nothing like taking away all hope. He must feel that he has exhausted all oppertunity of help. But I believe that there could be a better combination of meds for you.

I hope that you feel better soon. I am so happy that you have joined us here. The weekends tend to get slow. But during the week it is a lot more active.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/27/2010 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Gail

It will get better for you, I wouldn't believe what that doctor said and I too think you should find another doctor. Some doctors get set in their ways and won't move with the times so to speak. It would be good to get a second opinion.

I hate reading that you are so down, on that roller coaster that goes up and down. It's a terrible feeling and we all on here know it so well. It's good that your hubby is working with you instead of against you, like you said, he has done the full circle and is now supportive. It's good to get out there and do a big yard clean up and you obviously enjoy riding your horse and I bet your horse enjoys your company as well.

You know you were so good to me with what you wrote, so supportive and I am very appreciative of the advise you gave me. I hope you do get to go to another doctor and hopefully he will support you better than the current one is. I don't think I would be going for the ECT therapy just yet either, it scares me also. I think you have got a lot further to go before that even comes into the picture.

Keep your chin up and hang in there my friend. I am thinking of you.


Jocelyn
Posted 6/27/2010 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
When I had my ECT treatments, 25yrs ago, I could no longer function at all. I was pregnant, no longer eating, could barely walk....I was beyond severely depressed. I had 9 ECTs. Yes, I lost some short term memory - but it mostly all came back. I think the treatments did help me....but at the time, I wasn't so sure. I was able to function a bit better afterwards. Then I finally got out of the hospital after 6 weeks in there. It was the most horrible time of my life.
Posted 6/28/2010 2:38 AM (GMT 0)
see some words thread. ECT info. and success with it!!! jamie
Posted 6/28/2010 1:20 PM (GMT 0)
ECT may have some success stories but I would agree with harrington that it should be the last resort. I mean it is basically like saying, "we don't know exactly whats wrong where...but maybe if we just juice the whole melon it will work better afterwards". I am not downplaying its possibly usefulness as a last resort, just stating that it is a last resort. I would consider possibly running things past another doc, give him the whole back story, meds, that they havnt been changed in 2 years and your having trouble, and that your normal doc suggested ECT. Hopefully there are some avenues available that have your well being in mind possibly a little more than shocking your brain does. Good luck and keep us posted, check out another doctor too (you'd never take your car to only one mechanic shop and believe everything they say, so definitely don't take your brain to one doc and believe everything they say either, has a bit more serious ramifications)


Christian
Posted 6/29/2010 6:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, everyone...
Thanks for your words of support. Well, I am definitely getting a second opinion. Have an appointment at University of Michigan Deression Cener on July 20th where they do a full evaluation of what is going on, my meds, psychiatric history That can be pretty colorful at times) and so on. They make recommendations to my pdoc here. Now if my poc does not follow their recommendations to a "T", he is history. Been readug up on biplar depression ( both professional and layman stufff on-linr and in professinal journasls) and rhere are a lot of different meds the pdoc could have tried. I just want this depression to lift....it has been dragging me down long enough This past year, I had 6 days that I felt good and felt like me...It felt so good and I thought I was finally over the hump and then depression took over again. I was so so disappointed and for awhile was depressed
over being depressed!!! I am excited over the psych consult on July 20th.
Posted 6/29/2010 6:32 AM (GMT 0)
all the best with the appt. cheers, jamie.
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