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Posted 6/17/2010 2:47 PM (GMT 0)

As I stated before, my friend from Florida is staying with me for awhile and she is getting a first-hand view of how alone I truly am.  The guy I have been seeing for a couple years is a long-time best friend of her husband and has never experienced life on a day to day basis and is saddened by how insensitive and unfeeling he truly is and she cannot believe how a person can be like this.  I told her that I don't know why I still date him but I have made so many mistakes in past relationships that I am tired of moving on so therefore, I am confortable with being "alone" with no "boyfriend" support or empathy.  She is fighting depression as well and doesn't know how I can go day to day with this kind of relationship.  I guess she can relate somewhat with her situation.  I am trying to stay strong.
Posted 6/17/2010 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Teresa,

I guess that I didn't realize that you were seeing somebody as for a long time you were grieving the loss of somebody else. I am sorry that he doesn't treat you right. If it were me I would rather be alone than be treated badly. You don't deserve that. You are a good person and deserve to be treated with love and respect. I am glad that you have your friend there, maybe the two of you could do something fun together like Siobhan advised. Between the two of you, you can make eachother stronger.

Keep us posted on how you are feeling. Know that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/18/2010 12:28 PM (GMT 0)
i too am sorry that you were treated badly by this man. actually it totally.........(many expletives unsaid) jamie.
Posted 6/20/2010 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
Actually I still grieve everyday for that one special man who will never be far from my heart or mind.  believe in signs and faith and over the weekend I did get a glimpse of him.  Actually twice in the same day.  On his motorcycle with his wife on hers.  It is hard to explain how that felt but I guess in my own little world I was so happy just to see him.  I love and miss him more than words can say but until a miracle and faith come together, I will get by until I can see him face to face.  I will never stop grieving for this man.

The fellow that I date is a comfort zone.  Doesnt spend alot of time with me because he bought a house that really needs work so he is there alot.  The weird thing about this house is that it is down the street from his mom's house in Alliance.  Actually her road dead-ends at a stop sign and I cant help but wonder when a car passes if it is the family I miss so much. 

My health is still bad and my bruising has started again.  I see the one doctor this week.

My friend is still staying with me and it is extremely stressful, you have no idea!!  She doesnt want to get help and she just is saying how awful she has made her and her son Travis's life.  It is really hard to stay positive with her and now I see how people felt in my life.  My son is out of school and will be spending alot of time with me.  He and Travis get along so well, geremiah is growing up so fast and maturing into a great little man.

Well I have to go, keep praying for me.

Posted 6/20/2010 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

That will be great this summer when your son comes to stay with you. How long is your friend going to be staying with you? I know it is hard sometimes, but hang in there. You are being really good to her right now, just don't let it become stressful enough to effect your health. That is not good, then you are not only helping youself, but you can't be of any help to her either. Does she realize how this is making you feel? You might end up having to say something to her about this.

I guess I don't picture a man in your life because you didn't use to mention him. So I kind of forget that he exists. You don't seem to have much to say about him, so I guess he isn't much of an issue. Do you feel that you love him? Or is he just kind of there? I know that you wont love another as you love your soulmate, but I was just wondering if you love him at all. I totally understand if you don't want to talk about him.

I hope that you enjoy the rest of your day. I am glad that you posted. We do think of you often. It is always nice when you post.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/21/2010 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
No I thought that I might love him but there are so many things that I see and realize that when he and I are together that other people look so much happier. In fact, I know how the people felt when they looked at me and "my soulmate".  It is  awful and I miss being in love like that.

My friend is so fragile right now that I am walking on eggshells.  I keep telling myself that it wont last forever.  She needs me right now, so I will do my best.

I am excited about my son and the summer, I just hope that I am feeling better so that I can truly enjoy life. 

Posted 6/21/2010 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
keep beleiving. things will get better. here for you. jamie.
Posted 6/21/2010 10:55 AM (GMT 0)
Teresa,

You have come a long way since a year or so ago. I see you getting better, at least it seems so on here. I hope that things continue to improve. I am glad taht you are being there for your friend, but don't over extend youself. You are in a fragile state too. I am glad that she is there with you though.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/21/2010 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
Well another day of stress with my situation.  I am starting to be able to say and do what I feel.  It is a mess and although I hate to say it, I cant help her when she wont help herself and I am starting to get frustrated with her.

Over the weekend the guy I have been dating has decided that maybe we should take a break form each other because of all the issues I have and that they are starting to effect him.  I told him that my health and my mental issues are not what I want and I did not ask for either one, but if felt it was necessary I could not stop him.  I need support and caring, not someone that sees my "issues" as their stress.  I know it is stressful but for once in my life, I actually really need the caring and understanding of a partner.  I am starting to think that maybe I will never be able to lean on anybody becuase I am either a "rock" for people that need me or I am alone in my needs and feel as if I have no "rock" and that is heartbreaking.

 

On a good note, I have decided to save up enough money to by my own Harley.  I have found I dont enjoy being a passenger anymore, it doesnt feel the same.  I am actually taking a psuedo-type online test for getting ready for my class.  I need to do something for me.

 

I just wanted to touch base with you because it always makes me feel better when I write to you guys.

Posted 6/21/2010 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
Yay Teresa,

It is so cool that you are getting your own Harley. That is so awesome. I never had a bike and have barely ever ridden them, but I think that they are so cool. I am so happy for you Teresa.

I can see where it would be hard on you being there for your friend and to have her not want to help herself. It is hard to help somebody that wont try. We can only do so much for another person and then it is up to them.

I feel bad about the guy that you are dating not wanting to take on you "issues". But maybe he just isn't strong enough to cope. Oh well, I guess, not everybody is cut out for that. Hopefully you two can still be friends.

I am glad that you are getting the cycle. Let us know how that works out. You can take your son on rides. I bet that he will love that...

Thanks for posting, you take care. Keep us up on what is going on in your life. We are always here for you Teresa.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/22/2010 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all~

Woke up today exhausted.  My friend is still with me and I can feel my stree level getting worse.  Actually my bruising is back with a vengence.  My legs actually ache. 

 

I am not getting excited about the motorcycle thing because besides the test, I now dont have money to even by one, long story.  I will however try to have one of my own by next summer.

 

I have faith in this.

Posted 6/22/2010 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
Keep the faith sweetie, that is what keeps us going.

I hope that you get more energy as the day goes on. You might have to ask your friend to leave if this is effecting you so much. You have to do what is right for you hon.

Take care, and keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/24/2010 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone~
Long day very stressful, had to climb out on my roof in the lightning and rain to fix the gutter so my back room would not flood again. I was scared to death that I would fall but as usual I had no one else to help me. I guess I am really getting hard about taking care of things by myself. Sometime I just wish my life was different.

I missed my doc appt for my blood work, once again I have no memory or focus. I am really sad.
Posted 6/24/2010 2:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

Can you make another appointment for your bloodwork? I sure do hope so. I write everything down on a calander, and hope that I see it. lol...

I am sorry about the gutter, but you did do it, and I am proud of you. These things happen and have to be dealt with and you did it. So be proud of yourself.

I hope that things get better for you Teresa. Know we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/28/2010 3:33 PM (GMT 0)
Really depressed today.  Rough weekend with relationships, spent most of the weekend in tears.  I am considering hospitalization because I am having a hard time with no support.

 

Just really sad.

Posted 6/28/2010 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe hospitalization would be good at this point. Do you think that you need to go? Maybe a change of atmosphere would be good for you. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide. Know that I am here for you Teresa.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/29/2010 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone~

I guess I feel a little better, crying alot but dealing.  I didnt realize this is the 4th of july weekend, more reason to be alone and sad.  My friend is still here but is going to a relatives house for several days into next week, so I will be alone again on a holiday weekend.

 

My cat is really sick too!!!!!!!

 

Things will get better right?

Posted 6/29/2010 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,
I am new to this forum, but I just read thru all the posts in this thread and I want you to know that i think it is wonderful that you are reaching out to others for support. There seem to be a lot of wonderful and caring people here. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you also and that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
DK
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