Ive been in a realtionship for 2 years now. i just broke up with my bf last month, and many more times before that. we always end up getting back together. this is a man i lost my virginity to and had a miscarriage with. im still going through the lost. sometimes go threw withdraws cuz of it. during our our relationship he cheated and got another woman pregnant which right now the baby is 9 months. kills me inside so much. even thinking about it gets me sick inside. always thinking "why me?". i tried getting pregnant after my miscarriage but cant seem to conceive ( my miscarriage was a 1yr and a half ago). my reason for my depression. My bf is really cold heart and only express him feelings when he drunk. I love him so much and cant understand why, knowing that he put me through so much. Sometimes i feel i cant even live without him. Then sometimes i just feel im better off without him. Lately we been talking but we wont want to be seen in public because he say that i put him through too much. That i never trusted him and that im always fighting. so he says that people will think that he stupid for him still hanging with me basically. He stills talks to the mother of the baby . And while i was with him he even will sometimes be in her house all day and one time even stood over her house and didnt come home till 2 in the afternoon ( we lived together for those 2 yrs). He keeps telling me that the reason he is trying to keep the peace with her cuz she always threatening him to take him to court for child support. me and her dont get along so she wouldnt allow the baby over our house so he has to go see the baby in her house. He says that he dont love her but that i have to accept there relationship cuz they have a baby together now. Im just soo confused, hurt, etc. sometimes i say that im still with him just to have a baby, cuz thats all i want. But i really do love him and i hate the fact that we going threw this. I wish i could just forget him and move on. But i dont know how to. Once i start my goal i always end up going back. Please help me...im sooo depressed. ALL I WANT HONESLTY IS TO GET PREGNANT AND HAVE MY BABY IN MY ARMS.