Sad and Crying

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Hey Smurf,

I am so sorry for your loss hon. And as Harrington said, he is probably looking down on you wishing you would realize that he forgave you. There is no anger or contempt in the afterlife. I really believe that. So hon, try to get some grief counseling, or regular counseling to help you go on. You are truly a good person hon, and you need to be lifted of this burden of thought.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

It was a stupid fight we had. Really stupid. When he announced he was joining the ARMY, I had just been discharged. I told him how to get past boot camp, and told him I did not want him to go in. It was only because I wanted to protect him, instead I lost him. As far as grief counceling, I tried that, and at least accepted the death now. Well somewhat I have. I go once a month now. I was put into it after I jumped down my primary care doctors throat and mentally shut down right in front of him. He brought up the topic of the war two weeks after we got the news. He put me on depression medication and put me into counceling. I apologized about a half year later and told him why I had a break down. He told me if I had told him, he would of handled it differently. The only reason why the councelor even knew what happened is the doctor told her exactly what he said and I said. She figured out that I was fine til he brought up the topic of war, then I had that breakdown. So she knew it was war related, and remembered the recent state wide coming home event for a soldier's remains and maid the connection. One of my older brothers was in Iraq too, at the same time. With permission from the president we had my older brother escort my younger brother and his k9 partner's remains home and an agreement not to ship my older brother back out. I am now off of my depression meds, but I think it is time to put me back on it but I work to much taking care of my grandmother to be able to go to my doctor. She has Alhemiers and Dementia.

I can't believe how my day has gone today. You name it, it happened. My grandmother sick and I had to repeatedly clean the bathroom, the results of my MRI to see if I was still in remission came back by telephone and my cancer is back, starting pill form chemotherapy tomarrow. My 6 year old throwing rocks in the pool, me running out of bus money. And thinking of my brother. I've been thinking "ok what else is going to happen"

Hi Smurfy,

I, like Harrington, am wondering about your cancer.  Can you tell us a little more.  I am so sorry hon, this must be so difficult for you.  Luckily you can take the chemo pill and not have to go through interveinous chemo. 

Please do tell us more about your situation and know that we are all here to support you.  Know that I am thinking about you and wish you the best.  Keep posting as this is a good support system. 

Hugs, Karen

Desiree,

I am so happy that you have your family helping you.  I took care of my grandmother (who was my adopted mother) too.  Even had to fight the family to make sure that she got good care, it was a mess.  But I always did what was in her best interest and I think that the Lord helped me though it.  So you can't go wrong when you help somebody like that, and it will come back to you one day when you are in need.  Kind of like getting a gold star or something. 

But yes, you need a little time off to recouperate.  You have been through a lot.  I saw your post in fibromyalgia and you sure did have a rough day.  But fortunately there was a kind person who helped you and I am so happy for that.  Waiting for busses is the pits.  And to have them so far in between has to be hard.  I am so glad that she picked you up and gave you a ride.  It goes to show that there are still good people in this world.  And that alone makes me feel good.

I am hoping that everything gets better for you.  Are you able to see out of this eye?  I sure hope so.  I hope that the cancer goes away to never return and that you have full sight out of that eye.  Let us know how things are going.   The depression forum gets a little slow on the weekends.  So if you don't hear from somebody don't be bummed.  It always picks up during the week.   I guess people other than me get a life on the weekends.  lol...

Hugs, Karen

hey smurfy.....

i know that no words can make a difference and no words i can say that can console you in any way.....and i am really really very sorry for your loss....i know how much it hurts to lose a loved one.....but you know what....whenever you think of your brother ...be proud....be very very proud....what he did for the country and for you......thank him for that....he is a hero.....and he lives inside of you.....dont cry ....and dont feel sad.....he was a soldier..... he served his country....proudly....i know its very hard....but try to think of him as the one who made a difference.....who fought for you and your country and people......trust me ...he was a brave guy....better than all of us....and somewhere he must be watching you.....and it will dishearten him to see you like this.....trust me ....you dont need medicines....you dont need anybodies sympathy or words......you just need to be proud of him.....feel that love he felt for his country.....you ll see him infront of you.....i promise....if you do this...if you feel proud....your pain and his pain (** seeing you like this).....will go away.....be very proud of him......and keep on loving him....keep him there in your heart ......

god bless.....and take care....

be good...

regards

cutemakker

Hey Desiree

I am so glad you are getting some help from both the family and the other. You are so very strong but we all need help in some way and thank goodness you are getting some.

You have to look after yourself now, take each day at a time and see how things go. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you will make a good recovery.

Remember I am thinking of you.

I have fibromyalgia too. And that plus depression and all the other stuff that you have going on, no wonder you feel the way that you do. I think you are smart by seeing your doctor.

Please post and let us know how things are going.

Hugs, Karen

Yes, I do moderate in both forums.  Forgot I had my dx in the signature.  lol...  Fibrofog, that is my excuse anyway.  I think that the depression kind of follows the fibro as we are struggling so much.  Along with a little grief and anger.  But once we get use to the dx, and finally know what we are up against, I think that it gets a little easier.  But there is that long adjustment period that we all face.  And sometimes depression can cause you physical pain too, so it is like a catch 22, they kind of effect the other.  With all that you have going on though, you really need the extra support.  Know that I understand and do care.  Glad to see you posting.  The weekends are generally slower here, so not a lot of people post.  But the week is busy sometimes.

Enjoy your day.  I hope that it is painfree.

Hugs, Karen

I had a horrible time for about five days a few days back when it was really hot and humid here.  I was so exhausted.  And it seemed like it would never end.  Am doing better today and really excited because my hb put my swing up.  Now I can sit outside and swing in it. 

Hope that the fibrofog lifts.  I truly do understand what you mean.  It can really get frustrating.  I can't remember what I did the day before anymore.  I am getting use to it, but it was really hard in the beginning.  Always trying to think of words that I had forgotten.  Walking into a room and forgetting what you are there for.  It just gets so overwhelming at times.  But try to have a sense of humor about it.  It really does help.  We aren't perfect anyway.  So what will a little fibrofog do to us?  It is the flares that get me.  The worst pain ever and the fatigue is something else.  I can handle pain better than I can handle fatigue. 

Glad that you are posting here.  It is nice to see you in fibro too.  Keep your chin up and know that we are all here supporting you.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Smurfy

That is funny, that bought a smile to my face, I have this picture of a lady walking into the cop shop, thinking it was the library I bet the cop was confused as well when you told him you thought it was the library lol.

You sound a lot better in yourself, I hope you are feeling better. Have you got all your meds sorted now? Remember we are here for you Desiree and we do genuinely care about you.

You are so brave for coping so well with all that God has put on your plate, he knows you are a very strong woman and can cope.

Good on you Desiree.