I just can't relax

I have been depressed for more than a month and under a lot of stress. May be this is a very minor issue compare to others but it is like the end of the world for me. I am a college student that suppose to graduate after a week. The thing is that I am taking one class as a core requirement, after that I am done with college. If I pass the course, life just goes on. However, I am failing the course right now, I just don't know what to do, I can't tell my dad to pay for my tuition any more, and now I have to no money to pay for myself. Also, I really don't want to be not graduating because of just one class. I just can't, my parents expect me to graduate after a week, I don't want to disappoint them, I can't disappoint them. And now I am too freak out to even check the score for the last exam, every time I try to do that I think I almost got panic attack. I really don't know what can I do now, I am too scared to do a thing. I can't get out of this thought, I keep telling myself "you are dying, you are dying because you are to lazy to study!!!!" Actually, I blame myself all the time, and in my mind I keep telling myself to work every second, but my body just do the opposite thing. So I blame and force myself the same time, but the more I think this way, I just do everything I can to avoid like sleeping the whole day and watch tv to stop thinking. It's like a bad cycle that torturing me for a month, I think I am going crazy, I can't stand it anymore!!!!!!!

I know it's scary to tell anyone that your struggling with depression, but believe me your doctor is about the best person to talk with about it. They know it's a medical condition and won't judge you for it. I would suggest a college counselor too if you don't have one already. They're very understanding and can help you through it. Plus, they're usually free for students. Both counselors and doctors have patient confidentiality too, so what ever you talk about is just between you and them (as long as you don't threaten harm). I was in your situation, being depressed in college. I didn't go to my doctor or counselor about it and i ended up withdrawing half way through a semester b/c i convinced myself i couldn't deal with school. You're so close and i know you can finish. And remember, the people of this forum are here to support you and listen when you need us.

I'm rooting for your success!
Lady4tigers

Youv'e got to learn to control your though process.  And it can be done.  Try to occupy your mind.  Find things to do to take your mind off of your situation.  Seeing a counselor would help.  They are professionals and they can teach you how to do this.  Or find a good book on depression and read it.  We can get caught up in thinking about the same thing over and over.  It is no fun I know.  But there is help.  Writing here helps too.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen