Depression after Abortion

about a year ago i made the biggest mistake of my life. after trying to concieve with my husband i finally became pregnant. for mistakes id rather not share, i ultimately ended the pregnancy. at the time i thought it was for the best. i did not want to hurt my husband or my marriage and went through with it. at first things seemed ok. i wasnt too sad, i still believed id made the right choice. but as time passed i realized what a mistake it was. and now i hate myself, my decision and everything about the situation. i am not very religious but i do believe in god and believe i have sinned. i have been unable to get pregnant again and feel this is his punishment to me. for so long i prayed to have a child and when he finally answered my prayer i did this.. my husband thinks i miscarried and was very supportive and still is. i have spoken to a priest and he explained that although i did commit a great injustice in the eyes of god that he can forgive me. but i cant forgive myself. everyday i think about what i did and hate myself more. i want nothing more than to go back in time but know i cant. i dont know what to do. i cant talk to anyone because no one knows the truth but me. and its killng me inside

Hi Rhonda,

Have you tried therapy yet? You might want to do that before you go to medications. Therapy will help you forgive yourself because that is really what you need to do. Know that you are not judged here and we totally understand what you are going through. This will get better with time, but first you have to acknowledge that what you did was the right thing at the time. You can't change it and you do have to live with it. But once you forgive yourself that will be easier. I think you realize this already by the sound of your post. We all make mistakes, and choices that we wished we hadn't. But the truth is that you can't change it and when it is the right time, you will have a baby. I don't think you are being punished, this is just the way that things are working out right now. Have patience and have faith. Everything will be as it should. Keep posting if you feel like. I highly recommend some counseling and then possibly medications. See what happens. Remember that you are a good person. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Hugs, Karen

Hi

God is forgiving.  Its in the past.  Its time to forgive yourself.  You can not change the past...  but you can change your thoughts and reaction to it.   We humans don't understand much about anything.   You must believe that anything that happened in the past was for a reason.   A reason beyond human understanding.   The only true problem now is your inner thoughts about it.   God truely has forgiven you.  Please find the space within yourself to forgive yourself.   I forgive you.     

If you continue to be unable to do this ... please talk to a therapist.  Talk to a profession about this.   (note; millions of other woman make the same choice,  some have regrets also.)  Its time to take a deep breath and come back home to the moment with a forgiving GOD.  Best Wishes,

JC