Guess it's BACK.....BACK again.

Annie-
You're torturing yourself. Don't look up his profile on FB. Of course it is going to invoke lots of unhappy feelings. Plenty of women have been dumped, at the altar, on their wedding day. People are unpredictable. But life goes on.
You must get ahold of yourself. Thank you for trying the previous suggestions. You don't have enough other stuff going on in your life to forget your ex BF. You haven't told me how old you are, if you go to school, work, or what. You get lonely and are insecure in your new relationship since the trauma of the previous one, which you did not get over. Very unhealthy. You're not active much, socially, are you?
Well, pls answer me those things.
I think you need to talk to a professional to sort out your true feelings. Are you on meds?
Have you ever seen an old lady sitting on a park bench talking to herself, in a state? Wonder what she's carrying on about? You're a young lady lamenting over the past, doing the same. Not healthy.
You have a future, with or without these 2 guys, who seem to be adding nothing to your life except worrying you silly. Continue posting.

I posted on the other topic, Loving from afar. Go there so I don't repeat myself.
Now the story is coming out. Was that other fellow from India? And did your parents think you were ready to get married? I can't believe you quit college because he didn't like it. I thought you didn't want to be a slave, or was that the other girl who replied to us both regarding Indian women? Anyway, you are now an American Woman. You need a new set of values. You discussed this before. I can see that a break from college might have been good advice from your doctor at the time. That doesn't mean never go back and finish what you started. You must have had an interest there or you wouldn't have pursued it. It would be good for you to have a degree in anything.
First you need to get well. And strong. You are weak as a kitten.
Insist to your mother that you go back to the doctor. You are 21 and don't take your own medication? Why not? You want to be independent, then allow yourself to be controlled on another issue. She controls you with the meds. You are old enough to do this yourself. TELL HER. Start being responsible.
Sorry about your grandfather passing away. Yes you saw him die so to speak. You wouldn't have felt any better if he died when you weren't there. He was in a coma. You weren't sitting in the living room talking and he keeled over in front of you. Don't dramatize that part. You need help grieving. A counsellor helps that. You haven't got over grieving him properly. Again, get help with it. There is healthy and unhealthy grieving.
You need to get lots of help. There are lots of things troubling you. Make up your mind to do it. Nighty night for tonight....Sandy

annie.d12345

Sorry for the edit,  I only removed one comment per rules. No discussions of self harm but I am sure your post is intact without that one comment.  Thank you for you understanding. 

I agree with your recognition of your ex's  lame excuse for taking up with another young woman.  "that if I would have made it earlier to him he would have never left me" I am proud of you for having good insight !

The first step towards a new positive future is to finally accept that your ex-partner has gone and will not be coming back.   Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll have the urge to call him when your in crisis.   You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend."

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) We all did that at one time or another. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative.

I would like to see you get medication for yourself and not use your Mom's. 

I am truly sorry about the death of your Grandfather. You have my sympathy.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 

Annie, you are making GREAT progress. I haven't heard anythng like this from you before:

"And things are changing,it's gone from this in the pit feeling everyday,to every night,to once a week to once in a couple of weeks. I have rejoined my course"

And you are swimming and working out. It appears to be helping. By getting a job, I thought you never went out at all. It wasn't for the money, it was to get you out, but you have been doing that, wonderful !

You must be feeling better, now you are telling about the good side of your life. Thinking about the future. I understand your dad is encouraging you to study. Can you persuade him that you just want to meet a few people, if you did find interesting job posts? Just till DEC? Perhaps a temp agency job? Dads think of themselves as being providers, and don't see beyond the money that they well provide to you, and think working is going to be a burden to you. You're lucky he is so generous, and you have a choice about what to do. Good

I also see that you were reaching out to give comfort to others on the forum. That is such a sign of getting "out of yourself"....hope you didn't feel I was picking on you. You have such potential, I wanted you to MOVE. But you are and didn't tell that part. Those are your positives.

Sorry the links didn't work. Wonder why? If you want to read the dating, sex marriage thing, try and go to Psychological Self-Help, by Clayton Tucker. Chapter 10 I haven't time right now to figure out why they didn't work. And perhaps if you Google mood trackers you will come across the site I thought was so cool, Optimism. You will see your wonderful progress in a beautiful graph, encouraging that you are indeed making headway in this long battle.

I am so happy now. You are on your way. Thank you for posting that. Good luck
Sandy

Hi Sandy,
I'm sorry replying late. I had been to another town with my family. It was a nice trip,I'm really tired.
Anyhow, I agree that I haven't been very positive but I try my best to not be negative. And you are elder to me and have seen much more of life than I have so it's okay if you are hard on me,sometimes some things are best told by shouting ! It did hurt me but I'm going to work on myself I just dunno why I need someone to believe in me. To say good when I do progress someone who scolds me when I go wrong and someone who believes in me. I don't know if I'm a dependent person but I get encouraged by doing something to make someone like me more. It's just how I have been.
Sandy I loved my ex a lot and whenever his memories strike me I break down its way different than the beginning but it hurts and it would I suppose hurt for a long time but over time I'm sure I would e better. It's during these moments of the reality of his walking away hit me is when I get breathless and go low.
I will be going to check the psych out tomorrow. I hope she's a good one. Yes I do go out and I enjoy with friends lead a normal life but at times I just miss that man ! And it sucks.
My mood swings to be honest are only when Im reminded of my ex by any means. :(

I just try to share what I feel with people here. And it's just a place where there's so much support and so much to learn. It feels like a club of people who are all friendly and help each other.

How are you by the way? I have been so stupid never asked about you? Hope you are doing fine.

Today I remembered my ex but just led my mind think of him without fighting with it by running away from it.

You could start a new post, Out of the pit and walking proud

I think I'm inflicting pain upon myself at times by just thinking of him when I don't need to ! The darn love habits have been deep set in me. It was a relation where we would be speaking to each other for atlesst 9 hours each day. Ughhhhh and I think the 4 am is caz it's usually around this time ie night time that it gets hard. What bums me out is it's been 10 months though it's reducing why doesn't it just disappear ! :(((((

Hi kitt
It's like I'm positive and going fine and than suddenly at a odd moment I'm reminded of him and it's like falling offa cliff, I'm in the pits all low and crying and sleeping to avoid him at times. And than my parents say that I was ok and now why suddenly I'm pretending to be sad. "pretending" I wish I was. It just feels worse when people think I'm doing so caz I'm normal otherwise, or when this happens I try and cope with it by trying to just meet my friends at times and avoid thinking. It hurts me that it's my own loved ones who say my emotions and what I feel is a bunch of pretentions.
My dad would beat me emotionally and at times phyiscally. My relation with my father isn't that great. One q- do you think I was so very involved and attached to my ex caz he do Tc of me whenever my dad behaved bad with me, he would comfort me and promse me a better future?
I always found a care in him back than I craved for since I was a kid. The attention.

Hey Sandy
My session got canned,my gran mother is sick and I have come to her place. I had a crying fit in the evening,just remembered my ex again,but I didn't let it spoil more than an hour of my day,mom asked me if I wanted medicines and I didn't take any and tried diverting my minds,and pushed my thoughts away. Do you think I'm doing it wrong by pushing the thought away? I completely break when I don't do so.

Know you've got lots of things on your mind right now. I've been thinking about you and your struggle. I located this book for myself on Amazon. Its $3.99 with free 2 day shipping. Copied some info from it to show you. Have passed this on to someone else too. Its an easy read.

What to Say When you Talk To Yourself, Dr. Shad Helmstetter
Most information that our subconscious mind receives, from both external and internal sources, is negative. At any given time within our subconscious, as many as three negative thoughts are duking it out with one positive. Not knowing right from wrong, our subconscious chooses to believe the most dominant thought pattern. Unless we feed more positive messages to our subconscious, we become a prisoner to negative thought patterns.
Self talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions.
What to Say reveals a simple way to overcome the onslaught of negative thought by literally feeding positive thoughts into our subconscious through Self-Talk. More than just affirmation statements, Dr. Helmstetter shows how to get specific and attack problems at their source.

I'm familiar with this book and highly recommend this to you. Maybe they have it at the library.
You're using better methods with your thinking. I think this will really assist you. Easy read
Was thrilled that you went dancing !
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

I'm not doing fine I mean as I mentioned earlier there are those days of highs and than a day of low. Everytime I hear my exs name or mere mention drives me nuts on some days. Today my dad blamed my mom for my ex coming in my life. I lost my patience and told my dad things I have avoided saying the fact that I can't tolerate him and I stopped from hitting my mom I lost control and was gonna break stuff. Why do I keeping missing my ex !?!?? It's painful. I wanna forget him.

Hi Sandy,
I'm sorry I hadn't seen the previous two posts,missed them :( I will check the book out and see if I can get it delivered at my place.

It felt no different telling him to back off,it's an every fortnight thing at my place. I feel trapped here. Feel like screaming and running away somewhere. My dad blames my mom for supporting my relation with my ex,that she ruined my life etc. And I told him that I can't take anyone saying anything about my ex,caz my dad didn't know him. Whatever he did,he did,but he supported me for two years in ways that have made me wish he never left. I feel lonely without him and he comforted me in ways I wish my dad had at some point. I miss him so much. I have forgiven or maybe I never hated him for what he did caz the way he handled my family problems with me for 2 years it's something I can't forget. And now I'm back all alone in them and it's driving me crazy. I feel like I should take my mom away from this place. How can my dad blame my ex for me not being close to him (my dad) my dads been there for 20 years,whose mistake is it than that I was more attached to my bf than him?

I hate him for bringing up my ex everytime he wants me to break down. Why can't he just stop it?