This is getting beyond a joke

OK here is the story, and I know it seems cut and dry but just hear me out. I was dating a younger guy for 10 months and he broke it off 3 months ago. Up until 2 or 3 weeks ago though we were still sleeping together on and off and he kept talking like there was a chance.

BIG MISTAKE I know, but yesterday he suddenly declares on facebook that he has a new gf and one of his friends comments that its about time they made it official. So obviously its been going on for awhile I mean I sort of worked it out about a month ago I guess but I didn't know for sure. Which means if it has been going on for more than two weeks since I last saw him, he has already cheated on her with me which makes me feel even worse.

My problem is I am in love with him and since this all happened I have been depressed to the point of throwing up because of it. I NEED to get out of this pattern because it is pretty much killing me at the moment and I don't see a way out. I can't get rid of the pit in my stomach, and this slump that I am in.

I have been questioning everything about myself, feeling like I am nothing and worthless and whatever and although I have had interest from other guys, I end in tears because of this.

I have deleted his number, deleted him from facebook (actually he did that), I deleted him from msn as well but he asked me to add him again. I have joined dating sites and agreed to go on dates with people, but I feel so low I am not sure why anyone would be interested in me at all :(

I have even tried meditation and positive affirmations to help my mood. Any other suggestions as to what I can do??? I really need help with this

Who are you to tell me that I cannot be in love? You don't know me, I am very much in love, have been with him for over a year now.

How dare you make light of what I am going through, I did not come here for abuse!

i know its hard when you love someone and they move on to someone else but you have to pick up the pieces and move on. i agree with trying, although i dont think he worded it all right, delete him and dont be second fiddle, you are better then that. i know about the feeling sick part because of a guy, when me and hubby were having issues i felt like getting sick. you need to find new interests, go out and meet new people and go on dates. fill up your day with things to do and dont go to his facebook or even talk to him on msn. he is keeping you on a string just in case this doesnt work out and you deserve so much better. we are here to support you and will listen when you need us to.

I am so sorry to have insulted you. I wanted you to toughen up and move on. You have so much going for you. You are young and more resilient than you think if you would allow yourself When you get older you see that you spent valuable time on some issues that could not be deciphered. I am old and have discovered what mature love is, like after years of being together. Its different than when you were head over heels in love.

I am truly sorry and will no longer post to you.

Sandy

Thanks Worried Girl.
I cannot decide what else to offer her since I have wounded her tender heart. Except not to go there again.

Hi!
I agree with the others that it sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. Definitely keep turning down the requests to be on msn or facebook or whatever. Really that never works out. It sounds like he wants one thing out of the relationship (maybe friends with benefits) and you want another. You are probably just setting yourself up to get hurt again & you deserve better than that.

The dating site was a good idea. You are a wonderful, sensitive person and there are others out there who will value that in a girlfriend. And even if the first few don't work out, at least it gets you out of the house for a night or two. Plus I know from my experience that just being on the dating scene even if the guy is awful ends up encouraging the really great guys to approach me & ask for a date. So hang in there!!! :)

As for the throwing up -- take 3 slow deep breaths when you feel like you're going to get sick. It might not eliminate the nausea, but there is research that shows it will keep you from throwing up. You can also try making a cup of chamomile tea to settle your tummy or do things that are relaxing like take a warm bubble bath or spend some time in a favorite place. Try to pick a phrase to tell yourself when you start to feel upset. For me, most times it is "he was a great bf at the time & i learned a lot from the relationship. i am free to find my true love and i choose activities that will help me find him." I keep saying all or part of that over & over again either aloud or in my head until I settle down & then work on things that will work towards that goal -- for me, one of those things is working on being okay with myself, as is, without a bf so that I start my dates already feeling happy & whole and that way if the guy is great it just means that my joy is bubbling over because I have so much of it. I don't know what might be something that you might want to work on, but we all have something & working on those issues just makes us an even more fantastic partner. I'm not saying that you NEED to work on anything to be desirable to guys, just that there might be things you WANT to work on to create even more satisfying relationships.

Hope that helps. Hang in there!

peace,
frances