What's the point of keeping on going?

You don't know me, and this isn't a suicide threat. More a rhetorical question.

I am just such a failure in life, that I can't wrap my head around it. In my 30s, always been depressed, never been able to hold down a job, haven't worked in years, failed to obtain a degree twice, never had a boyfriend, paranoid, depressed, secretive and unhappy.

Also had Crohn's for a long time, which doesn't help but I don't want to use that as an excuse for utterly failing in life. The fact is, other people more ill than me manage to work, parent, and do far more demanding chores than I do.

I'm just useless beyond words.

Awww nicecupoftea- I feel so bad reading your post, No one should feel so hopeless. Of course you don't have the energy to help anyone else right now. Crohns is a hard disease to deal with- I'm sure its effects and the limitations it puts on your life is adding to your depression. have you talked to a counselor about these things? Maybe you just need some type of career coach to point you on the right path for the proper degree and job in that field.
Take little baby steps. Stop thinking of yesterday and what you haven't acheived. Put the past behind you- today is a fresh new day to try something else.
I'm going to put you in my prayers from now on. Keep in touch. let us know how you are doing.

NiceCupofTea,

Stand tall and be proud of who you are - your a member of HealingWell and we are family here.

Here a few tips that I can suggest to anyone who suffers from being depressed:

* First off, get all the negative people out of your life (seems like common sense, but you would be surprised if you take a step back and look at each person in your life, and the place they play in it). Do they add to your life as a whole or do they make you feel bad about yourself? I cleaned closet once and I felt so much better and, No, I did not do an about face. I stood my ground and stayed away from one person that really made me doubt myself and embarrassed me all the time.

* Secondly, find your own interests, even if that means going out by yourself sometimes to events that interest you. KEEP BUSY!

* Lastly, write, vent, keep a journal of how you feel through out the day. Sometimes just writing about what’s bothering you takes away some of the stress. Write down what makes you feel good, bad, happy and sad.

Of course keep coming here and never feel you have to apologize for being you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Nice cup of Tea,

Would it not be lovely to be able to share a cup of tea ? I am glad you are coming back and I will be here for you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

You are not useless..............You just have not found in life what excites you yet.......Don't stop looking, be it a job or a great friend or whatever..........keeping looking you will find it and sometimes in life, what we need the most finds us when we are not even looking.

Hope you find your reason to shine very soon!

Gem

 

Started you a new thread , please see the new thread with your name in it.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 10/6/2010 8:28:40 AM (GMT-6)

I am not there yet but do believe that over time the postive self talk will replace my first instinct which is the negative.

"I am not a great house keeper." This is not necessarily in and of itself negative self talk because it is true. We are none perfect. Sometimes looking at the books stacked by the wall waiting to be dusted and a home found for them I say "My God woman! You are such slob! Lazy and gross! GEEZ!" This, though how I feel, is not helpful. I do it but am really trying to retrain my brain. For example, "Ok, that is a lot of dust. I'm not great at tidy. I am great at ____." Sometimes the blank is filled in with something wonderful and important and I can add I love myself. "....being sister. I do love me even though I'm messy." Sometimes the blank is filled with something small, no addition. "...writing in cursive."

There is hope. Winston Churchill said "If you're going through hell, keep going."

@Sandy, BEAUTIFUL!

Good Afternoon Folks,

This is NiceCupofTea's Thread. I would kindly ask that if you would like to talk to the members re your own thoughts and issues that you start a thread of you own.

This is easily done. Simply click on the "New Topic" button and the program will open a box for you to post you. This will help members see your post and extend a hand to you.

You are always welcome to post responses directly to member's threads.

I thank you in advance for your understanding.

Kindly,

Kitt

"If you're going through hell, keep going."
Have heard this before and want to add, "When you find yourself there again, it will be a shorter delay since you know your way around."

Noticed the title of this friend, Whats the point of going on?

Doesn't matter, except that sometimes there's no point to it, you just keep on going, and will reach a more comfortable point later on down the road. And eventually reach a point that is much much better. So maybe the point is, as in why does the chicken cross the street? Curiosity
Life is a series of passages, being a kid, pre-pubescent, adolescent, young adult, adult, first relationship, more relationships even tho you thought you'd never find anyone again, better relationships, mature relationships, and of course varying stages of illness and responsibility.
Relationships: first, better, lots, few, strong, mature.
Illness: confusion, diagnosis, treatment, better treatment, different treatment, THE treatment, treatments on the horizon, and hope.

"Hope springs eternal"

Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 10/6/2010 11:03:42 PM (GMT-6)

Woah... Lot of reading here to catch up on. I'm sorry I didn't reply for a few days, folks. I hadn't forgotten about here. I get too tired to post sometimes... :-/

*reads*


@Trying To Understand - I do like that. I googled it (Desiderata, if anybody is interested) and read the whole thing.

@Sasta - That makes sense. I can't ever see myself, in all honesty, being able to tell myself I love myself. I'm at a distance from love, I'm remote from it. I suppose the closest person I love is my mum and yet I'm not sure if I feel love for her or not. I don't know if it's because of my personality or the way I was brought up. I was apparently a very unaffectionate child (I have no memory of this); I wouldn't even say a word until I was 5. But then again, ours wasn't exactly a household overflowing with loving feelings. My brothers seemed to resent, even hate, me. My parents didn't seem to know I was alive. Even as a child, I dimly remember possessing a sense of "not mattering", a feeling I've carried with me throughout my life. With all that, love to me is not a naturally felt emotion. Maybe that means there's something wrong with me, I don't know :/
So I don't sound too pessimistic, I do like your Winston Churchill quote! Not heard that one before. Also, I do hope you succeed in retraining your brain. I think it's a worthwhile goal. Right now I'm wondering if I can really stop my negative self-talk. I distance myself from it with self-deprecating humour (probably not obvious to others!), but in some sense I'm still really feeling and believing it, even if I'm joking about how much I've failed.

@Precious Gem - thanks :p

@stkitt - Too TRUE about one of the hardest things in life is to change. I do think there are natural limits: one can't change one's basic personality. For example I'm a fairly extreme introvert. I would happily put on an extroverted social 'face' if I could, but I can't: my mind goes blank, I trip over my words if I try to tell a long story, and I fatigue very quickly. But leaving those natural limits aside, it's still amazingly hard to change the things that can be changed. But it's not impossible. It's like learning a new skill; it's not going to come to you straight away. I learnt to drive not very long ago (passed my test in March this year), and it took miles longer than I expected. I really wasn't expecting it to be a breeze; I was just totally unprepared for how sheerly hard engraving something new into your brain can be.

""I don't wanna be angry no more. It's just another heartache on my list. I don't wanna be lonely anymore." - Amen. Being angry is a road to nowhere. It's just tiring and alienating. Nobody likes a chronically angry person.

@Trying To Understand - Yep, I can relate to curiosity. If I watch a film, I usually have to watch to the end, 'cos I end up wanting to know what happens. I'm also curious to know how technology, science, etc. will evolve, even though I won't be alive to see most of it unravel. (I don't want to live forever, but I do wish I could see what where we are in, say, 500 years' time.) Curiosity and hope; it's almost impossible to quash those two things entirely. They can get flattened, but not destroyed irretrievably.

Phew, now I'm starting to tire... >_>

@Tara28 - Do I really sound woefully depressed in every post? :-/ I admit I'm a pretty depressed personal overall, but I do sometimes cheer up - if I use a :p, then it's likely I'm feeling at least partially cheerful :p ... It sorta means a smile, a friendly gesture, a joke... I could just smile of course, but that would make it too simple <_<. (The shifty faces - >_> or <_< - either mean self-deprecating humour or... I dunno, really!)

Re medical management for depression. There's a fairly long backstory, but the gist of it medical management has thoroughly failed. It's partly because I haven't responded well to any antidepressant medication I have tried and, in the case of the tricyclics, I firmly believe they were actively dangerous in my case. (Note: I don't think they would be like that for the vast majority of people. I am pretty unfortunate in how badly I respond to most drugs.) But it's also partly because the NHS isn't up to dealing with chronic mental illness or, in many cases, even recognising it. I'm one of the ones who have fallen in between the cracks. Even now I cannot get anything except one-off appointments with psychiatrists or psychologists and that simply isn't sufficient. But long-term or intensive counselling on the NHS barely exists, and I can't afford private therapy.
I have been referred to a psychiatrist once more, but I suspect this particular referral might have become lost in the system. If an appointment comes through, I will go, but I wouldn't expect anything life-changing to result from it.

Now for your points...

1&2: Long story short I considered this, but it's not that simple =/ I did talk to my GP about this subject a couple of months ago. If you like I'll talk about it in more depth in another post, but otherwise I need a) go to bed soon and b) feel like this post is becoming scarily long as it is :-/
3. Good idea!
4. Very true point.
5. True, I've never killed anyone. Heck, I won't even kill wasps or spiders, I'm so nice... >_>

PS: I'm good at logic puzzles too! :p ... At least I've become pretty nifty at sudoku: I finished a sudoku puzzled rated 18/20 in difficulty the other day <_<

Three things about me which rock? Er...

Can I get back to you tomorrow on those?!

Ah, stkitt, you are lovely, you are :p

I'm personally well impressed that you can ride any form of motorcyle. I'd be too scared to ride a bicycle on the roads with some of the drivers out there, let alone a motorcycle!

I shall say goodnight for now. Not the best of days today; I am glad it is almost over... :-/