Once upon a time...

Neverbetter,

You hit on two very important points - at least for me.

You wrote -" People just don't get it, do they?  Their always thinking you can just "snap out of it."  And I'm sorry, but medicine just hasn't helped me.  The bliss that I feel when I'm on antidepressants is just to... Unnatural (yes, I'm still taking antidepressants, though). "

No, people just don't get it at all.  Unless they have experienced true clinical depression, they have no idea what is happening to us.  Everyone of us would be overjoyed to be able to just "snap out of it."

Tonight I was called a slacker and lazy by my wife.  She told me if I really cared about the family, I would do something to "snap out of it."  I can't even attempt to tell you how much that hurt to hear that.

When I was on Cymbalta, though my depression was held in check for a time, I also lost many of my emotions.  I didn't cry for over a year, and I was always one to shed a tear for a sad movie or a sad situation - that's what made me - me.  But on the meds I lost that completely, and I hated losing that part of me.  I would have to agree with you - that the ADs in my case did make things feel unnatural.

Scythia  

 

Thanks so much for replying. I'm so grateful to have found this forum last summer.

Scythia- You are definitely the first person that I've talked to that has agreed that AD's make you lose other emotions. I haven't cried in forever, and I hate the feeling of being happy all of the time. I guess the point that is most bothersome is that, like you said, you lose unique parts of yourself just to be happy. I just wish happiness didn't come at such a horrible price...

And I'm sorry that your wife said that to you. It is so hurtful that people don't even try to understand us. :( I suppose patience is the only way to get through to them. And tolerance.

Karen- I talked to my doctor when I was on another medicine, and so they switched me to this one. I've gotten a new doctor since going to college, and when I mentioned it to him, he basically said that I was perfectly normal now and that I'm just not used to feeling regular human emotions. But I'm positive that this isn't normal- I've been normal before, and I wasn't numb to everything like I am right now. I think I have an appt next week, so I will try again; thank you for your advice. Holidays are always tough, and I hope you get through them all right too.

Thanks again. Both of your posts have made me feel a little better, even though I'm still in my downward spiral. :( Thanks for understanding.

I'm having an emotional upheaval as well, and not even on ad's, just 5HP, Valerian and Melatonin, which I thought were so "innocent".

I'm experiencing kind of wild laughter, and quick frightening throes of melancholy, and its scary because its inappropriate to whats going on, and I can barely control it when it gets rolling.

Wish I could sedate myself, be flat again for awhile. Its a roller coaster. I want to be numb.

You may have made a mistake in choosing your college, or are just grappling in depression, self-criticism, and criticism of life in general. Miserable fall season, so beautiful, but the time change, the light change, and the pending holidays are ripe with the desire to avoid. I'm getting sucked in, maybe you are too. But all is not lost.

Do seek pdoc advice and perhaps change the antidepressants. Re-evaluate when you are more stable.

You're thjis far along in the semester, quarter, or session, I mean. Hang in, think over what you want to do regarding school carefully, make pros and cons lists. Prepare to make the decision of changing. Personally, would be overwhelmed at huge, milling crowds and classrooms. Then again could feel "lost" in the crowd as a good thing. Is it seeing the same people repeatedly that is getting on your nerves? Is it dorm living? Identify.

People like to see you laughing rather than crying. Eases their mind when they know you are depressed and volatile. They can't understand uncontrollable emotion, and despise depression, well we all do. No one wants to see you crying and "stuck". Human nature.

Got called some "adjectives" myself tonight, sick, sad, and pathetic. To which I retorted, yes, I'm mentally ill. No cure, not much help or hope. All seem to be after my money and using me. Don't care what you think, or want your opinion. Keep away from me. I do know that you are hurting me and won't allow that. You have the compassion and undertanding of a gnat. Be gone.

Loved ones get tired of it. It isn't easy for them to witness. Up to us to take initiative at helping ourselves as much as possible. And get treatment too. Hold each other up.
The Bible says something like, don't cast your pearls before swine, that's a deep one, but think it fits here.

We have to keep our heads above water, tread water while we can. Work at not getting sucked under. Grab onto any small branch to stay afloat. Be determined to stay afloat. Accept the life=ring if we have to go to the Er, or get in to see the doc on an emergency appt.

Best wishes, Scythia, NB, keep yourself safe. Don't succomb to the depths.

will do. see the professor fri morn. until then, take care of you. jamie.