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What to make of depression

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Posted 11/14/2010 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
When one is depressed, there is a problem with one's inner child.  That little one isn't getting attention or having basic needs met.  Maybe that's why encouragement on the forum is so helpful; it soothes the pain or anger of the child within.

The adult in us knows that life is largely what we make it.  It's difficult for our inner child to know that we are going to be secure and loved, especially if that little one has not had the reassurance in childhood that he is a valuable and respected individual.  Society makes a great mistake in projecting the idea that "life is tough; buck up, realize it, and get on with it."  That just doesn't occur in the mind of the inner child, and it can be extremely detrimental to a little one's well-being.   The child within needs to be protected.  Some  have not learned to do that because of abuse, traumatic life experiences, guilt, or other deterrents that limit ability to calm oneself.  The internal reality of the child needs to be respected.

To honor the self, we learn to have the courage of our own perceptions and judgments, to live by our own mind, and to think independently.  It doesn't come easily; there are developmental milestones that we go through.  Each of us is at one stage or another in the desire to be independent.

The question is how do we attain this?  Resolutions of experiences life throws at everyone are the fires that push us to overcome, making one strong in the process.  When forgiving and moving on occur, learning one's lesson becomes a milestone of maturation.  That process continues throughout life.

The demands of the internal child are resolved ultimately by insight into unmet needs.  Doing so is a huge milestone that resolves guilt and sense of inadequacy.  The adult in us accepts that change in life is inevitable and should be embraced for positive outcomes.  Those who pass milestones successfully live a life of protection of others and are way out ahead of many.

There are various intelligences, as you know.  The recognition of a new intelligence (not yet official) is an intellectual ability that  has components of spiritual intelligence, practice of meditation, study of different religions, and examination of the lives of great religious leaders, among other things.  In my view, for those who wish, it is the ultimate milestone to achieve.

Please keep helping one another to calm that inner child.

 

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 11/15/2010 8:56:17 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/14/2010 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
How is it that we find out what our inner child wants? How do we ask that? How do we know?

I think we can spend years figuring this out and in the meantime we have to live our lives too. I think taking life one day at a time and really listening to ourselves helps us to figure this out.

You have summed this up very well It's Genetic. This post gives us a lot to ponder upon. Very good subject. I hope to see a lot of responses to this thread. It really makes you think. But I think one of the most important things is to be able to successfully live our lives with a fair amount of happiness as we go on the quest to the inner self and what nurturing we need. Thanks for posting this.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/15/2010 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks sweetie,

I will check out the site. You are such a gem.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/15/2010 11:59 PM (GMT 0)
Very meaty stuff, Ladies. I will print this up and continue to ponder some more later.

I think that our hurting inner child causes us to become depressed, as well as the chemical imbalances that occur.
I think that nurturing ourselves falls by the wayside when we are depressed, as in being unable to maintain hygiene, dress nice, fix ourselves up to feel good. No energy for anything, doesn't seem to matter to anyone else anyway.
The other basic needs, eating, getting outdoors, speaking out loud to others, also are neglected.
It takes a lot of strength when depressed to do those basic things, but no one can do them for us, and they are mightily important. After all, we wouldn't neglect our own children that way, would we?
And speaking of the kids, we realize that we have to let them go out, socialize, get a little surprise now and then, go to a movie, have something to look forward to. Its the same in caring for ourselves.
When sliding down the slippery slope, we must be sure we are taking our meds, call the doc, make an appt with the therapist. A must. And do our best to tackle the basics.
I've heard about the milestones of childhood before, and will go to the site you recommended to refresh my memory. Its not like turning 13 and getting bar mitzvahed, or turning 16 and getting to drive. Altho to some people who weren't able to do those things and were in a culture where everyone else did, it is a biggie. But its more like accomplishing developmental goals, which maybe you were prevented from doing because of the family who raised you. Since you were very small. Emotional neglect. Lack of love and affection.
Sounds impossible to re-capture that need and meet it as an adult, but it is possible.
I think it should be the goal of therapy to discover things like this, but often it just ends up an endless resurgence of hurt and resentment, without the growth.
This an excellent topic. Look forward to hearing from more members.
Thanks !
Posted 11/16/2010 12:57 AM (GMT 0)
There is a book called "Healing the Child Within" by Charles L. Whitfield M.D.

I think you will find it is a very good read. I read it a few years ago and it really hits home. Check it out.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/29/2010 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Dan Mathews,

Would you like to start your own thread to introduce yourself? Feel free to do so. The members would be able to get to know you better if you do.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/30/2010 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
hi dan. jamie.
Posted Yesterday 12:27 AM (GMT 0)
Great topic and one I have worked on with my therapist.  We did this exercise using imagery. 

The inner child of the past, present and future: When we talk about the inner child, we’re referring to an image of your child self. This image may be one that you access by looking at a photograph of yourself as a child, or simply by closing your eyes and picturing yourself as a child. The child can be of any age, however it is useful to be able to visualize yourself at different ages in order to access different memories and emotions.

In therapy we started with my first memories and moved through my childhood.

The inner child of the past: This is an image of yourself that matches with a certain time in your own past. This child can help you find and access memories and feelings that will help with your healing. She or He  may appear sad, lonely, lost, afraid or deeply hurt.

The inner child of the present: While the inner child of the past helps you with your healing, the inner child of the present helps you with your self-care on a current and ongoing basis. In order to get clear readings from the present child, the child of the past must have some degree of healing already accomplished.

The inner child of the future: Some of the images of your inner child can be a kind of earmark for you, indicating future possibilities for your development and self-expression.

The magical child: This image of the child (which can be a great one for your future child image), suggests a wellspring of energy. From this wellspring emerge your humor, play, spontaneity, creativity, joy and capacity for unconditional love. The magical child also provides a doorway to wisdom and undeveloped powers.

There are basically two ways to heal, nurture and care for your inner child--visualization and affirmation.

So what can you expect from doing inner child work ?  You will learn to love yourself, take better care of yourself ~ body, mind and spirit, and become a more focused, powerful, strong and loving adult.

Never, ever give up on yourself. You can do this, because you're a good person with a good heart.

Gentle Hugs to all of the children. 

Kitt



 

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