Anxiety and Depression is taking over my life....again!

I've been battling depression and anxiety for about 3 years now. It all started my junior year of college. I don't think anything specifically started these feelings of anxiety, but possibly the stress of life itself. Early on when the symptoms started to occur, I had a terrible roommate, I was near to ending my relationship with my fiance who I had been with for 6 years prior, and I still didn't know what I was going to do with my life. I was lost. I felt helpless and always sought out someone or somewhere that made me feel comfortable to help ease the feelings of anxiety. about six months after I broke up with my fiance, I met my current boyfriend whom I've been with for almost 2 years now. He completely turned my life around and made me happier than I ever imagined I would feel. We live together and have a very happy relationship and I plan to marry him someday. Just recently, I've been feeling the same depression symptoms that I did when my life was going for a dive. I have no reason to feel this way....I have a loving relationship, supportive family and friends, two jobs, and part-time schooling. I've found a comfortable balance for everything, yet I still feel these terrible, life-disrupting feelings of depression. Often times, I feel lost and confused and disoriented. I tell my boyfriend about these feelings and they affect my mood greatly...I'm no longer the happy woman he made me in the beginning and I feel like I'm letting him down and putting stress on him as well. If something goes wrong in my life, I have a horrible habit to let it get the best of me, causing stress, causing anxiety, and then the feeling of hopelessness. I want to continue to go to my boyfriend for help, but I can't keep doing this to him. He wants a fun, loving woman who is happy like he is, but I have been nothing of the sort lately. I will not let this ruin our relationship which could eventually result in me losing him all together. I'm so afraid of going down hill more than I already have, and losing everything that ever meant something to me. Thinking about my life without my boyfriend is something I can't begin to comprehend....what should I do before things get so bad that I push him away? I'm not opposed to medication, but I need to find a natural way to control these feelings of doom. Please offer suggestions....I need someone to understand.

You are that person that you want to be. It just doesn't feel that way right now. I think it would be good to start counseling again. At least you will have somebody other than your boyfriend to talk to as you don't want to bring him down. There is something to be said for helping yourself. It can be a huge step, but it is a step in the right direction. Just realizing that something is going on helps. You are on the road to recovery. Just keep moving forwards. Keep posting, it really helps. You have gotten some good advice from Siobhan.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Seeking,

I am so glad that you are able to come here and vent. This is the place for it. Try to remember that when things happen like the argument, you do have the power to set that on the back burner and become involved in something else. Hence you wouldn't then be taking it out on your boyfriend. We do have that power, it takes practice. You can always deal with your feelings of the argument later. Easier said than done, but it could solve future problems. So as your boyfriend says, "cheer up". and know that we are all here cheering you on. You are a valued member here, never forget that. Keep posting and I hope that your day gets back to the way it was before the argument. It can. Practice...

Hugs, Karen

I've had about the same thing happen to me. I was a college student and got depressed/anxious Jr/Sr years, and dropped out of school and messed up my relationship after being medicated with Paxil and having a manic episode. It's been ten years without medication or therapy, and I thought I was well enough to go back. I've been dating a guy for a year since I separated from my husband, who was himself mentally sick. I just got divorced, I'm a single mom, and a returning college student, and my relationship was long-distance, and I got stressed out and tried getting help from school counselors. But at the same time I was talking to him about my feelings, and this weekend I freaked out and got really lonely, anxious, and then depressed. I was crying over the phone and he couldn't take it. He seemed to have sympathy and wanted to help, but I didn't hear back for a couple of days. Last night he texted me that he needed space because he's stressed out from his work and home life and can't deal with my problem and needs to re-evalaute what he needs. He wouldn't talk to me on the phone, and then stopped responding to my texts. I have this problem where I keep calling him over and over again, because I don't know where he lives since his crazy ex-girlfriend is on the deed house and he has problems with her and he can't sell it and doesn't want to ruin his credit.

I emailed the doctor last week about how I was having trouble and when we could start the new medication, but she said I needed to wait until she was in town and could monitor me, which happens next week. If I'm on this medication and it makes me feel better, should I try to learn how to be alone, or try to start something up with my boyfriend? I like him but I don't think he knows how to deal with mental illness that well. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't understand me, but I don't feel like this illness is who I am.

There is such a difference in you two posts. It sounds like you are doing better. Continue to work on you. That is most important. And it isn't selfish if you are thinking that. You come first.

Keep up the good work.

Hugs, Karen