Need suggestion to make my son realize and act

My 19 year old son is in first year college. He is not showing interest in either studies or other activities. Most of the time he hangout with friends one after other all day. He was kicked out of one college and dorm after first year due to poor academic record. Next year joined in community college near home but stopped going to classes. Meanwhile he started trying drugs. Does not show interest in any material or activity. Not interested in getting a job either. It is very hard and frustrating for me and the mom to make him do anything at home. Most of the time we are not in good mood at all at home as there is always issue around him. Now he is depressed as his other friends are doing well in college and he is left behind. When asked, he agrees that he has to focus on studies and says he will do good next time but no action.

I am very worried and considering sending him to a Vocational Institute or a residential school for a year away from home. There is one called Pillars of Hope in Costa Rica.

Would like to here if you have any experience like this , what did you do and did it help your kid.

Thank you for taking time to read my concern.

Hi there and welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.

I am sorry about you situation with your son. This is a hard time for kids his age. So much peer pressure to do drugs and other things. I hope that he takes this seriously. But it is hard as a parent watching your child go down the wrong path. All you can really do is try to support him and hope he takes school seriously this time. If he blows it, he does. He will have to try to find a job somewhere and they are scarse(sp). You can't make him do things if he doesn't want to. But you can make him move out if that is what you want. But where will he go?

Has he talked to a school counselor? That might help him to find what it is that he wants to do in life. Some of us are clueless. I was. Didn't get far in college. Too much socialization on my part. Having too much fun. Blew it off. Blew off a scholarship. My art teacher was so disappointed in me. I don't blame her. Was too afraid to go to a university. I don't have any regrets, but wonder sometimes how it would have panned out.

I hope that you can get him to understand how important an education is these days. Wishing you the best. I know I am not much help here. Somebody soon will come along with better advice I hope.

Hugs, Karen

Hello,

I am sorry to hear of your worries and as a Mother of 4,  I have been down this road but so far good luck with my boys that went to college. 

Right now my granddaughter is in her second year of college.  She enjoyed her first year a little to much and her Mom worried about how she hung out with friends,  slept in late or laid around watching TV all day or when she was not in class.  She thinks she wants to major in Business Management. 

Our own son went off to college to be a architect and the middle of his first year he changed his mind,  told us he never wanted to be an architect -  wow,  that was all he talked about in highschool.  He went on to obtain a degree in Business Management and has done excellent in the work field.

It feels to me like your son fell into what so many young people do when they suddenly have so much freedom. Partying, peer pressure and just doing whatever they feel like.  This behavior is extremely difficult to turn around and to make " uncool".

I would, perhaps, not try to send him to any school right now until you can help him sort out his problems with drugs and explore the reason why he is not interested in anything.  Do you have access to a good therapist and Drs. for him ?

My own husband went to one semester of college but only because his parents wanted him to - he majored in alcholol and playing pool (billards).    He quit school and joined the Navy where he was much happier and did 100% better.

I understand you concern and please know we are here for you and that we care.

Kindly,

Kitt