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I wish I could find me But I am lost...

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Posted 12/20/2010 9:57 PM (GMT 0)

I don't know where to begin with any of this, I am lost, confused, and don't know which way to turn on this road anymore. I am married, I have 2 beautfiul children and 3 step children. I deal with 2 crazy ex wives every other week, and a very controlling mother in law. I know longer feel like I can breathe, or even be happy for that matter. I am not allowed to make my own decisions. My husband makes me feel like a 5 year old, sometimes I just want to run and hide in a hole with my children and never come back out.

I know I am neglecting the amount of love and affection my children should get, but I can't find happiness within me to give anymore. I feel drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed. I just want to be me again, thats all, and I cant seem to find that firm foundation that I once stood on. I know this is probably a small situation than your use to seeing on here, but thanks for listening.

Posted 12/20/2010 10:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lost in life,

It really isn't a small situation. We all are striving for what you want. Individuality. You are you. There is no doubt about that, but I think you need to be heard. Just stand your ground each and everyday. This comes with time. Make your own decisions. I was married to a man for 23 years that didn't give me my space and chance to make my own decisions. But that changed when I lost him to lung cancer in 2000. Then I had to, and believe me it was not easy. Keep doing what you feel is right each day. This will all fall into place.

And welcome to the forum. You are among friends here now.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/20/2010 11:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Lost in Life,

I am sorry to read you are getting it from all sides.  The advice I give to all  with this kind of issue is to draw up boundaries. What this will do is to make it clear that this problem is between you and your husband. Don't confuse this problem by blaming the ex-wives. Limit your communication with the ex-wives to as little as possible. This may be hard for you to do -- harder than you think. Do it with a benign intention. This will allow the real problem to emerge.

If the ex-wives call put your husband on the phone.  By putting the burden of communication on your husband , you will take yourself out of the middle. You may feel that it is your responsibility to take the call yourself. But until you let that go, you will be engaged in the problem. Step out of it, and allow a boundary to form between yourself and your husband's ex.

Dealing with unreasonable in-laws and a husband that puts you down is disrespectful to you.  Talk with your husband and tell him straight out that you are unhappy and perhaps he will go to a counselor.  If not go for your own sake.  Be proud of who you are and know the world is a better place because you live and serve within it.

Gentle  Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 1/3/2011 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
That's nothing small. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It just blows. It's really hard to feel like you don't know who you are anymore because I've had so many of those days and even months.

Do something that relaxes you or kinda takes your frustration and puts it out. Go for a run, listen to music, write, paint, draw, heal yourself. Take a hot bath. From what you wrote it's obvious that you feel like your husband isn't really taking care of you. If you feel like it's a bad enough time that you just don't wanna bring anything up with him, help yourself. But that's my second suggestion.

My first piece of advice &i highly encourage this, is to just confront him. Talk to him. Tell him how you've been feeling. If you're dealing with all of this, chances are, he's dealing with a lot too. Tell him how you've been feeling but make sure you don't sound like you're attacking him (men are extremely touchy when frustrated even in the slightest). Make sure you approach him when he's in a good mood. That way he's less likely to snap irrationally and not listen to what you need to say.

I hope I helped. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk. I'd be glad to talk or just to listen; whatever you'd like. take care.
Posted 1/5/2011 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
Make sure you are praying each and every day ...if you have a priest or a pastor you can talk to that would be wonderful..Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel dont be afraid to tell him..YOU MATTER....maybe he will get help with you..if not maybe you should think about leaving for awhile and find you again.
Posted 1/5/2011 5:59 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Lost in Life,

I just want to say that your problems are NOT small. It is terrific that you found this site and took the chance to open up.

Read what others say - we've all been through a lot here and so have you. I would reiterate what others have said - try to communicate with your husband.

Brian
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