Behavioral anormalities; Acting Out; Drug Connected?

It has been quite some time since I posted. I also post on the Fibro Forum as I am in constant pain when I don't have my meds. However; I have recently been on a course of Cymbalta, then had to discontinue even though I was getting good results b/c my drug plan will not cover the Cymbalta. I had to go back to Sertilene (Zoloft) 150 mg. a day; and it doesn't help with the depression much; if at all. We appealed several times; w/o success. It is also the 1 year aniversary of the death of my Father, prematurely and unnecessarily; I feel b/c he was refused immediate treatment by our Medical System, for his Skin Cancer b/c he had a brain tumor and dementia. I had cared for him, solo for five years in horrific conditions, to the best of my ability; and still lost him due to a screwed up medical system. It was a long, hard and exhausting battle. My life is in the toilet. I am very angry; have to wait three months for a psyche appt., and am self-destructing. I have had seven encounters with the law in the past three months. I have several court appearances up-coming; I feel like running away. Here my support system is very limited. I don't talk frankly to anyone. My few friends get little bits and pieces, as I see fit but I only visit when I can paint on a "happy face" looking like I am on top of the world. I am a great actress. I am seething inside. Is it possible some of the self-destructing behavior can be attributed to med changes? Anybody?

Thank-you Karen for your words of encouragement and forgiveness, I feel like such a "heel" about getting into so much trouble. I knew the grief would eventually hit, but I never imagined it would take this avenue. Then the med changes (two in two months), leave me reeling. Finally; being denied my meds that were a miracle (cymbalta)), which actually did help me; well that just made me plain livid. Over the top w. anger. I shoplifted from a big chain store and got caught, 3 times. One floorwalker said "maybe you will aquire a conscience". I have a conscience. I am forever giving and helping out the "little guys" of the world. I had something stolen from me, by the "powers that be" and I guess I felt I had to get back at em. I have been living without for so long, inedible foodbank food which makes me sick sometimes; living on under $1000. a month (rent is $550. and about to go up as power rates just went up 27%.  My Dad died because he was denied treatment and left w/o food and almost no fluids for 18 days before I was able to get the story out in the media. Yup, I am angry. All I have are my two dogs and the dog catcher gets called about five times a month. A neighbor across the street apparently doesn't approve of my lifestyle. Like I chose it, eh? about 1200 piled up in fines over the dogs. Them telling me I have to get rid of 1 of my dogs. The dogs are what keeps me going. Chronic widespread pain (Fibro), which was abated when I had the proper meds; now denied. The floorwalker also said "it looked like you were trying to get caught". I probably was. Now i have a host of court appearances, pending. I am Bi-polar: went on a spree. Mad am I. Anyway; it appears I must have been in shock for a long time and then started to let reality set in. Incredible emotional pain and guilt over Dad. I miss him terribly. Have to stop now as I am beginning to tear up and have to pull it together as I see Family GP this morning. I have to look together or she'll deny my medicine if I appear rattled. Then I will be done for. Hurting all the time. Inside and out. Cannot face anybody with the truth. Thank-you for being there.

Thank-you Jamie. My haven't they hung a bunch of labels on us, though. We are ordinary people leading difficult lives. Anybody who has this much to deal with would surely get lost a time or two; don't you think? Thank=you and God Bless.

yep a time or 2. jamie. keep fightin' and stay strong. with compassion, jamie

Good Morning Tyno,

I sure do hope that you feel better soon. I am sorry about the cymbalta. I hope that you find another medication that works. Know that we all do care about you here, and keep posting.

No real words of wisdom right now, kind of out of it. But I think things are going to work out for you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

It is too early... lol...