I can't take it anymore

But you do exist. You sent this plea out didn't you. And I exist and I'm answering you, so you MUST exist. You say your parents don't let you do anything -- so what is it you want them to let you do?
I am a lot like you. No friends at all, and I spend most of my time at home. I've tried drinking, and sometimes when it gets really bad I still do, but not in great quantity. Just enuf to dull it a bit. I've also tried to  myself a couple of times, but I've never forgotten once when I was in the emergency room I was groggy and coming around and I heard a nurse ask the doctor if he wanted them to pump my stomach and his response was "I don't give a darn!" That was hard to hear because if he didn't care about me, who did??? I decided then and there I was going to be more important to someone - anyone!!
Are you getting counseling and on some sort of antidepressant? It took me years to find the right med., even had electric shock and all, and lots of hospitalizations. But I knew people were trying to help me as soon as I reached out AND LET THEM HELP!!!!! There really are people who will help you.
Now, what I want you to do is find just one thing, one little thing that you are interested in (other than TV, alcohol, video games or whatever). Something like a hobby. You don't have to be interested in it for the rest of your life or even for a long time -- just something that can interest you for a day or two or a week. Do you like art? That's something you can do at home, and you don't even have to be good at it -- just smear some paint around and see what happens. How about music -- play it really loud and dance (fun!!). Something, anything that will get you involved for even an hour or two. It will help. If you really have a lot of love to give think of volunteering at a children's hospital to play with the kids, or call Big Brothers, or volunteer with Habitat for Humanity to go out and hammer nails to build homes for people that are in really bad situations too. You don't have to make a life commitment to do something. Just do something now - for a while. Unless you find you enjoy it. Oh, and while you are hammering those nails and cussing at every one of them, you might find yourself talking to someone, or someone talking to you. So see, you do exist 'cause I've just spent all this time reaching out to YOU and talking to YOU and caring about YOU because YOU ARE IMPORTANT and YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT and you DO have something to give to the world. You just have to look outside of yourself, or even just outside of the window. There are people out there that need you, and people who will help you, and people who CARE. Sleep on that tonight and you may feel a little bit better. I'll be thinking about you so you are not alone in the world, okay?

No discussion of suicide, it is against the rules.    Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/27/2011 4:11:08 AM (GMT-7)

Hey Guy, me again.  Two things you gotta do:

1.  Immediately change your name on the forum.  Calling yourself "In Solitude Forever" is reinforcing your misery to yourself. Every time you see that "name" or phrase, you will identify yourself with it and start to really believe it.  Call yourself something else.  I don't care what; Bob or Lasagne or Puppydog, anything but what you have.  You are NOT in solitude forever - perhaps just for this moment.

2.  Go look at some of the other posts on this forum from people who feel miserable too, and write some positive,  loving stuff to them so they feel better.  You will find you feel better about yourself - I promise.  Writing this to you makes me feel better, and my depression and self-hate is really bad.  See, you have already helped me !!!

Helloooooo, are you still there???  You've gotta post too you know. . .

To those who are talking about drinking,

Alcohol only makes you more depressed. I know that it seems like a temporary fix and makes you feel better for a small amount of time, but if you weren't drinking, you would probably be feeling better than you are. I only say this because I do care about all of you and I want you to feel good. But as long as you continue to drink, you are going to continue to be depressed.

I hope that things get better.

Hugs, Karen

 You don't have to drink.  Only you bring that glass to your lips and swallow.  Nobody is doing that to you.  And there is no way around it, you'll have to work hard for a while before you can even think about getting a girlfriend.  If you don't like yourself, what makes you think "she" (whoever she may be) will like you.  I know it is hard, but fix just one thing at a time.  For now and for tomorrow only, try not to pick up that glass or bottle.  Okay?

hey there, i have had similar problems. you are good. you are good. no one is worthless. no one. and you're not. the way you've been treated is not right. don't you ever believe that. don't you ever believe that.

Guys,I just realized another problem,I can't tell my parents about my depression,I just can't,so I'm not doing anything to help it,no medication and nothing,and i think that I have insomnia,I haven't slept for 2 days,I don't know what to do

Why in the world, by all that's holy, can't you tell your parents about your depression?  It is not something you

did wrong - it is a DISEASE.  You would tell them if you had seizures or cancer or even the flu, wouldn't you?  Depression is an  imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain.  They don't work right, and antidepressants will help fix it.  You shouldn't be ashamed to have depression.  It is not a social stigma.  Depression is the name of an illness -- and a very bad illness to have.  As bad as cancer and heart disease, because like them, depression can end your life.

If you really can't tell your parents for some reason known only to you, then go to the health center at your college or school and talk to them.  I got lots of help there once when I needed it.  Or talk to your school class counsler and ask where you should go.  There are a million places you can go to get help.  All that's stopping you is you.  You are 19 now, a legal adult.  You do not need your parents permission to get help.

Have you even read all the stuff that people have written here to help you? 

It has taken me a little over 25 years to get to where I am today. I had times when I couldn't "save" myself, but I reached out to others and they helped me when I couldn't help myself. I have been in more hospitals than I can remember, some for months at a time. I have had about 20 electric shocks (ECT), I've been in a straight jacket, had periods when I didn't even know who I was. I've had endless varieties of medicine poured down my throat, visited and been visited by every type of psychologist, psychiatrist, mental health worker, and I've poured my guts out to them. I've been through a horrible, inhuman battle, BUT I AM BETTER TODAY. I didn't give up and finally the doctors found the combination of antidepressants that work for me, and all those endless hours of talk therapy and all paid off and I can see clearly and function like a normal human person. I haven't even been a hospital for about 4 years. With help and determination I DID SAVE MYSELF. That's why I feel qualified to give you some advice. What I didn't do was sit around and say "poor me". You are only 19 years old - you were not even born when I began my battle. I am not asking you to make me feel better - I've done that for myself.

hey . i am worried about you. i've been thinking about you. don't give up. don't ever give. up.

ISF-
I don't know your parents, but usually parents turn out to be supportive when they learn their children are depressed. Right now they can't figure out what is going on with you. If they know you have a treatable disease, that might help. Depression almost never just gets better on its own. It almost always requires counseling and/or meds. People can miraculously recover from any disease, but depression is no more likely to result in a miraculous recovery than anything else. If you're on your parents' insurance, that means letting them know that you need to see your doctor. You can start with your family doctor & see what s/he says. If the doctor says you need to see a psychiatrist or counselor, then that is someone else to back up what you are saying with your parents.

Besides getting help with the depression, I agree with the others that you need help with the alcohol as well. If you've wanted to quit but find that you just can't, I'd suggest getting yourself to an AA meeting. You can locate one in your area by going to aa.org/. My best friend finally went & got herself help for her alcoholism & the difference is night & day. She kept saying that it was the only thing that made her feel better & she only drank b/c of all the things that were wrong in her life & on and on. But over the years it just kept getting worse. She had to drink more & more to get even an hour "break" from her problems. Then, that didn't do it anymore & she turned to drugs. The drugs made her feel worse, so she drank even more. She would say the craziest things in the world when she would drink that much & she was miserable to be around. So she lost her friends, one by one. Finally, even I couldn't stand to be around her except on the rare occasion where she agreed to go to a meeting. So the only "friends" she had were dealers & other drunks -- and those are the worst kinds of friends. The only thing they care about is themselves. But once she got to a hospital & then a sober-living program and got help, the turned back into the nice person she used to be. She's back working part time again & now that she's not drinking 4000 calories a day, she's even lost weight. Everyone wants to be her friend b/c she is a confident, genuine, caring, kind-hearted soul. Her brain did suffer permanent damage from all the drinking, so she's never going to be a business owner or school administrator or anything, but she is certainly smart enough to work at a day care or preschool where she used to work, or get any other number of jobs out there.

As for flunking out of college... 75% of people who start college drop out before they graduate. Only about 50% of Americans even go to any college at all. And yet almost all of those people find some kind of decent-paying job. You have a HS diploma. If college isn't for you, what about a trade school, apprenticeship, or training program. You could always decide to go back to college later. My cousin flunked out of the university, and then flunked out of community college when he was young. So he got a job & showed up every day & worked hard. He got counseling & eventually got his life together and then he started going to some business conferences about sales. After going to several of those, his wife (yes, he eventually got his love life together too -- once he got counseling & cut WAY back on drinking) encouraged him to try community college again. So he went part time & graduated in 4 years. He got a promotion at work & 2 years later they offered to give him matching funds to earn his BS. He's now working on his MS and is doing quite well working in B2B sales.
It's just hard in our culture when you're young. You expect to make it big by the time your 25 (if not sooner) and when that doesn't happen, sometimes people start to fall apart. Success -- in life, business, relationships, and love -- takes TIME. It takes a lot of work. But I believe you can accomplish great things in your life if you can deal with the depression and drinking now. You don't have to self-destruct. Nobody here, or anywhere else, is perfect. We are all works in progress, but progress does get made when we make the right choices. You can choose to ask for help & slowly start putting your life back together, or you can choose to give in to the hopelessness and desperation that tempt all of us here. If you're wanting help & wanting to fight, know that the members here at HW are really wonderful people who will cheer you on all the way. :) Hang in there! There is hope.

peace & blessings,
frances

I am a recovering alcoholic with ulcerative colitis... drinking makes my colon ulcerate and become inflamed (blood). I have depression as well. Drinking is the worst thing you could possibly be doing to yourself. It will cause insomnia... as I have had that happen many times. Furthermore, it also declines your current depressive state. I am 24 and have always drank, but I got to a point of excessively binge drinking... I had to give up drinking completely because I lacked the ability to control my alcohol consumption. I have relapsed a few times, and my colon has paid the price. But once you go without drinking for a while... you don't miss anything. It's a social lubricant that far too many people utilize as a crutch... especially in university. I am a 3rd year science student :)

You can always retake those classes... one semester is peanuts.. Don't worry about that!

Exercise is what helps me the most, ahead of medications. I need to be super active all the time. Maybe get up early one morning and go for a nice jog, or even a walk. Get your lungs going and blood circulating.

I would suggest giving up drinking... as it will only get harder down the road. Go to your college's drop-in basketball... they just split the teams.. or join a recreation league, it's a great way to meet new friends. Find things you enjoy doing. I love going to the sauna and steam room... try that? Bring a bunch of water though as you sweat hardcore :)

I hope you're alright and things are starting to look up for you!

Take care.
J