Hi all,
I have only posted on here a few times, but its come to a stage that I really dont know what im doing here 
My childhood wasn't an easy one, my dad left us when i was 3, me and my siblings would wait for my dad to show up, but he never did, which really hurt us. I wouldnt say ive ever got over that, but i dealt with it, in my own way.
I turned into a bit of a nuisense, having my music up load, especially eminem because he was full of anger like me, i skipped school, ended up taking a year out.
I started when i was 12, after being sexually abused. My mum even said that she was going to send me and my youngest brother into care because she didnt know what to do with us.
My mum got married a 2nd time and got hooked into drink, so most nights we had to pretty much take care of ourselves, she would put the sunday lunch on, make an excuse that she and her husband had to go to the shops for something, the next thing we would get a phone call from the pub, to say that they wern't going to be back till late, so we had to turn the dinner off and just have pizza or something when they got back.
I decided to go back to school when i was 14, the day back my grandad died, so i took a week off to recover, then when i went back, the same day my dog (which we'd had since i was 6) got put down. so i suppose i associated school with bad things happening, so i didnt want to go back, because i was scared of who eould end up going next.
My mums and stepdads relationship was very violent and i hated leaving my mum with him because i didnt know what was likely to happen while i wasn't there.
I had the occasional day at school, but left as soon as i was 16. This is where things really start getting hard for me.
i'll just say it the easy way, i had 3 kids, who are now all in adoption, 5yrs, 4yrs and 2yrs of age
i am married, but our relationship has not been an easy one by a long way. I ended up in hospital a couple of yrs ago, due to something i cannot say on here, but i expect u can all guess why.
i have seen a number of psyciatrists, but they all want to deal with the now, rather than the past, which is what still bugs me the most.
I am on citalopram 60mg, but i really hate taking them, i dont find they help, but ive been through so many antidepressants, they're refusing to try anything else with me. If i ask for any others, the gp tells me to see a psyciatrist, but im not upto talking to anyone at the moment, id just spend the whole time, either in complete silence or balling my eyes out, so i just have to put up and shut up at the moment. I am very emotionally unstable, 1 minute i could be laughing and joking, then next i just want to be shut up in my bedroom and not be disturbed. my husband doesnt understand where im coming from because he's never suffered with depression and neither has his family. he just asks if ive taken my antidepressants 
sorry this post is rather long, i just wanted u to know whats made me like i am.
If anyone has any advice for me, that would be great.
AmzPost Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/25/2011 5:22:13 AM (GMT-7)