HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Can I be a good parent and suffer from depression ??? Help :-(

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 2/26/2011 3:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all

 

I am a 33 year old mom of two beautiful boys, 28 months and 14 months. I also suffer from major depression. I am also in a relationship of 4 years. I am working with my doctor and have been searching for a therapist.  I was on Cymbalta, but it seems to have satiated with me, and so I am now trying Prestique. Not sure if it's working. I am at such rare stage where I am not sure how to handle the depression, be a good mom, and good girlfriend.  I never had to worry about that before. I can't just crawl into bed and be done with it all...sleep it away. I have to go to work, come home, take care of my family and I feel like I am loosing my mind. I find myself yelling all the time and I have noo patience for anything, even little things set me off...I see my 28 month old picking up small things from me, and I want to stop that before it becomes something bad. I feel like I am trying sooo hard to hold myself together all the time, that I always have the feeling of exploding. I have arguements in my head of all the things I wanna say to people, but I can't, so I am always randomly upset or mad, or sad...

 

Is there any advice anyone can give me??? I am mostly concerned about how to handle the depression and balance it with parenting. Not that I want my relationship to suffer, but my first priority is my children...

 

Thank you in advance for any help.

 

Shannonf

Posted 2/26/2011 4:52 AM (GMT 0)
You can be a good mother and be depressed. I have suffered from depression my whole life, of and on. The number one thing is to love your kids. I was so bad off at one time, my therapist gave me that advice. Don't sweat the small stuff, just love your kids. Let them be your motivation in getting out of bed. Think of it as this, at their young age they rely on you for their life, so you just can't give up on yours. They need you to feed them, to clean them, and most of all to love them. So when your down, look at your babies smile. My kids are grown now, but there were some days that seeing my kids smile is all that got me to the next day. And when your depressed, don't worry so much about how the house looks, I used to be like that. Then I just got to the point that, "if my kids are happy, that is all I need to do. For a time it was all I could do. So just remember, your kids live because you live. Let loving them be the key that brings you out of your low times. And for your man, if he is a real man he will understand that sometimes you just don't feel good. If he loves you, which he does if you have been together for 4 years he will be there. Just be truthful with him. If you feel bad everytime he asks you how you feel. Tell him you feel bad everytime he asked you. Truthfulness is the key to a relationship. I will say a prayer for you and your family. God Bless. EMC426
Posted 2/26/2011 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you soo much EMC426. This is helpful. And you are right...their smile and wonder and pure love and innocence does carry me throughout the lows most always....I know they depend on me, so all my energy goes to them, regardless of what my house looks like. I know they need me, and they need me healthy. Thats why I try so  hard to make sure I keep on top of it. For my man, I know he loves me, and he tries to understand  best he can. He was honest in telling me he's never been with someone so emotional or that had those kinds of problems...So I know he can only understand to a point..then he's not sure what to say or do. I have some emotional issues that I know need further dealing, hence my search for a therapist. This site/forum I think is going to be a good help in the meantime, because noone understands better than someone who has been where you've been.

 

I do know my boys love me, and they are thriving and doing well, so I guess that is a testament of me doing something right. Thank you again for taking a moment to respond and add me to a prayer. Appreciated more than you know!!!

 

 

Posted 2/26/2011 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
You might want to talk to your pdoc about a mood stabilizer. I take pristiq too. I take abilify with it. It helps antidepressants work better and stabilizes your moods. I don't know if it would be right for you but you could ask the doc about it.

Best wishes, give those kids a hug and kiss. They are prescious.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/26/2011 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
Yes you most definately can.  You will question yourself repeatedly but take it from me, you are a good mom!!!!
Posted 2/26/2011 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH. JAMIE.
Posted 2/26/2011 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon,

Yes you can !!! I've had clinical depression for the past 29 years and have been on meds for  many years now which has been helpful  most of the time.  I also found therapy very helpful. 

I think all of your concerns are very real ones - because parenthood is pretty much guaranteed to be the opposite of lots of quiet time to yourself,  a very predictable routine, and the ability to just curl up in a ball and hide away from the world for a day when you feel the  need to.

Most of us wonder if  if we will  be up to the task of dealing with our kids. For me, I grew up with my 4 kids.  I see your children are 14 months apart.  My first two were 18 months apart.  I have faith in you that you will be able to find time for your children while taking good care of yourself.

Blessings,

Kitt



Posted 3/9/2011 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
Shannon I understand exactly how you feel. Depression is defintely a hard thing to deal with. I to find myself just wanting to stay in bed,shutting the world out and yelling all the time but that does not make you a bad parent. Put it this way there is no perfect parent even if were depressed or not. We will and do make mistakes. You are a good parent because you realized ok there is some thing wrong with me here and it sounds like your taking steps to fix that and because you put your kids first as all parents should. Its a long road to go down but you can do it. One thing that helps me when I start to get depressed or I realize I'm just yelling all the time I'll think about a cute thing my kid did or said like the other day I got so mad at my family that I said thats it I'm moving out and I started packing. Well later on as things calmed down and I talked things out with my sister and mom my sister asked if I was gonna unpack my things. My son comes out and said aunt trish mom didn't pack her stuff she just redecorated. Those are the things I think of and each day I yell less and less and its gets easier to get out of bed.
Posted 3/9/2011 6:05 PM (GMT 0)
i believe that you can and are being a parent, you are seeking the help to make sure you are there for your children, thats being a good parent. I can share some of your pain too, i just had my first about 2 weeks ago, its really tough when you have a bad day to not just go home and veg out or go to bed but to take care of the kids. But we love them, and its what we do for them. It sounds like you could use an apt with your doc. Keep your head up! you are a good person and a good parent.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply