Shattered over my family situation

Hi,

I've been contemplating for the longest time if I should post this but I feel so shattered, I hope someone will be able to advise me.

I come from a very conservative Asian family. I've a great family (my parents, an elder sis and younger brother) and I know I'm blessed to have them. My upbringing is strictly one of 'no-nonsense is entertained' and where family ties are valued much higher than anything else. I love my dad, who works hard to provide for my family the best he can. He is rarely home as he works a few jobs and it takes up most of his time. Even then, he does not fail to spend time with us, which ever way he could. In other words, I place him right next to God. I love him more than anyone else.

My mom is a housewife (I love her, she's a great mom) and she is uneducated. A really weak woman, she breaks down at the faintest problem. One of the reasons being, she has a weak heart and is prone to attacks occasionally. I've always been worried about her. Basically, we are a happy family.

Just a few days before, I happened to come across a few nude pictures of my closest Aunt (I've looked up to her as my second mother!) in my dad's hand phone. I can't even begin to say how upset I am or how this has been affecting me. I've a million questions racing through my mind. Is this a bad dream? How could my Aunt ever consent into doing anything bad? How could they not think about my Mother? I've no definite answers as to what is happening between them and I don't know if I ever want to know. I feel betrayed that the person I love the most could this. Until today, I find it really hard to believe that I saw those pictures. It just doesn't seem like my Dad is capable of such things.

I know I can never break this to my mother. She's too weak to handle this. Everyday, I look at her and this pain hits me.

Are they really having an affair?
Should I confide in my siblings?
Would confiding in them break up my happy family?
Should I just continue to pretend like nothing happened?
Should I investigate and find out the truth myself?

Please help me. Thank you for hearing me out

I am sorry as this must be devastating to you. Politely talking to your dad might be a good idea but you have to make sure that you express your feelings the right way. Don't mention your mother in your plea and focus on letting him know how you felt when you saw the pictures.

Trust me on this. On the surface, your Dad may look contented or not bothered, but deep down I suspect he may be miserable. It's a creepy life sneaking behind your family/loved ones for away games. That said, there must have been a void in his family life that he thought would be or expecting to be filled by this extra-marital affair.

Try to remember you are not responsible for your Father's behavior.

Please do keep us posted.

Kindly,

Kitt

Maybe you could talk to your Aunt. I am afraid of the reprocussions of what would happen if you brought this all to light. Your mother would be devastated. I am not sure though because I don't know if she knows or not. But sometimes not knowing is the best. Take thid one day at a time, then see what happens. When you don't know what to do, do nothing. That is the wisdom of my grandmother. lol... It always worked for me. I think you know enough about the situation. I don't know why you would want to know more. It is pretty self explanatory sweetie. Don't bring hurt onto yourself.

Hugs, Karen

I really don't know what to think, but it sounds as if your mother would really be hurt. Unless you are up to dealing with everything that has happened, ... I don't know. I think it would be a lot to handle. Maybe take it one day at a time, see what happens. Do you think it would do you any good to talk to your aunt about it? The one who the photos are of? Just to give yourself some closure. Evidently something is going on. So you know that much. Your mother may even know something too and you don't know it. It is so hard to say. Study it for awhile and then determine if it is worth it.

I hope that you can sort things out so that you feel okay about things. Hugs, Karen