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Posted 4/12/2011 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
Is it reasonable for me to want to be alone? I have always felt (and yes I even mean when I was a kid) that I would end up alone in life. At one point, I had a great deal of friends both in high school and in college - through the years I have dropped all of them. Not because we had a falling out but mainly because I wasn't being a friend, lost interest, and basically let them go with no interest in maintaining the relationship.

I am married and love my wife and three daughters; but, there are days where I would love to leave and go where no one could find me to be by myself. I know I won't do this so I think I am trying to make them to do this for me (I know that sounds crazy) it feels like its becoming a self fulfilling prophesy! I am just tired of the day-to-day nonsence of life!

Posted 4/12/2011 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
I think that we all feel that way at times. Especially when we are younger. I think that in time you will feel different. It can be a long haul, but it is worth it. Keep on fighting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/12/2011 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
i do feel that way when dealing with the day-to-day stuff alot. I don't even really like that hastle of working. But these thing allow you to have the time to enjoy with your family. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you because i feel very similar to you a lot of the time, don't have many friends because i just don't want to keep up the friendship.
Posted 4/12/2011 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
Friendships can be work sometimes can't they? It should be easier, but they say that nothing good comes easy. I have a few friends, but they understand me which makes it easier. They know that I don't always feel like doing things. But they keep inviting me all the same. One day at a time, that is all that we can do.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/13/2011 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
I have felt that way many, many times. I have gone so far as to find an apartment near where I work. Leave spouse, kids, dog, all behind. Sometimes I feel that is the only way I would be happy and peaceful. Never followed through. And I probably would be happier for a day or two, then I know in my heart I would be ready to be with my family. Maybe it is our way of escaping everyday stresses. Daydreaming is one thing, actually going through with it is another.

Friends? In the course of your life many people will cross your path. Lots of good memories. Doesn;t mean you have to spend the rest of your life keeping in touch with everyone you have ever befriended. That would be exhausting! I am a bit of a recluse. I really do not have friends I hang out with on a regular basis so I so know what you mean. Sometimes I wish there was someone I could call up but that is just not me. Do not fight the way I am about it anymore.

For everything in life there is a season. Just try and enjoy the "season" you are in at the moment. You always have us!

Gem
Posted 4/13/2011 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
Well I have posted to www.HealingWell.com and received a few comments mostly take one day at a time, learn to love yourself, and take baby steps. These comments all sound like the right thing to do; but, I don’t know how to get there or take those baby steps. Sitting here at work all I can think about is really how much I hate this job. My job is boring, pointless, and really matters not in the grand scheme of affordable housing. Also, I have absolutely no authority or responsibilities I have been told I am doing well “all that can be expected of me” yet no promotions or recognition have come my way. Life has really got me down. I always dreamed of being important not in the sense of a millionaire or a famous actor; but more in the vain of being important in people’s lives. I no longer have the will to try anymore I always say the wrong thing, act inappropriately etc….I am not a jerk I just don’t care! I always tried doing what others wanted me to do or what I perceived they wanted me to do – not anymore.

I feel like I have been steamrolled – flattened to a point where none of my original features are left. I try to be who others want me to be not who I think I was meant to be. I don’t want to be married, I don’t want this job, I don’t want to take care of my house, I don’t want my mother in-law living with us, I don’t want all the dogs we have, and I wish my children were all self-sufficient and didn’t call us with their problems. But I conform to these responsibilities I don’t know out of a sense of debt to be repaid, a feeling I should do/have to do I don’t know – it just really sucks.

Sorry to dump all this out here just feels better to put in writing even though I know I’ll never do anything about it!
Posted 4/13/2011 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
The ball is in your court. It is up to you what you aare going to do. Sorry for the mispells, new computer and learning to use it. Sensitive keyboard.

You need to put the past behind you and deal with the now. One step at a time. Go slow. Nothing good comes easy and that is how it is. Keep trying, never give up. Take each day as it comes and learn from it. Life can be good. You may have to change how you feel about things. Keep posting, you will get there. We will help you as much as we can on here.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/13/2011 5:27 PM (GMT 0)
So N,

You have always tried to be what everyone else wants you to be?  My question is why?  I am thinking you do not know yourself very well. Or trust yourself.

I think we all hit those "phases" where our whole life feels wrong and the complete opposite sounds so appealing.  Usually when everything in our life is completely out of whack, you are right.  What is out of whack is you!

Work on yourself and everything else usually falls into place.  No one else can tell you how or where to start, only you know that.

Soul Searching my dear, soul searching.

Gem

Posted 4/14/2011 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
You are correct I have always tried to be the moderator, the peacemaker, I really do not like conflict. And you are also right it is me that I don't like sad to say never have. I envy people who are the life of the party, the interesting conversationalist, the traveler - I always seem to blend into the woodwork. My wife, god love her, would say thats not true but its what I feel - so its true to me.
Posted 4/14/2011 6:29 PM (GMT 0)
There is nothing wrong with the way that you are. That is just you. I am sure as you get comfortable with certain situations that you will have the confidence to speak up more. But for now accept yourself for you and then work from there. Maybe get some books on being more assertive if you are comfortable with that. Just stop being so hard on yourelf and learn more about you. You will get there. Just remember it is okay to be you.

Hugs, Karen
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